DD, age 20, is very reluctant to learn to drive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD is 20 years old and very nervous about learning to drive. She needs to know how, in an emergency, and the driver's license in our country is basically our universal ID card. I think if she conquered her fears, her confidence would grow.
She passed the written test--hurray!--on her first try. But getting her behind the wheel has been very difficult ("I'm working...I'm tired...") and I don't know how hard to push it.

I dealt with this with one of my children when they were 21. We hired a private driver's ed teacher to work with them a few times to take the parent-child dynamic out of the situation. It helped immensely. That was 5 years ago. They now drive, but they do avoid highways whenever possible.

This is the answer. Pay for as many lessons as it takes.

[Anonymous]

That’s why I am pushing my 16yo while I still have more power over him!
Anxiety is so prevalent in kids and it often masks as reluctance or even laziness. The earlier you learn to push yourself a little, the better. Otherwise they are stuck in avoidance loop, the more they avoid driving the more negative emotion there is. First it’s anxiety, then it’s also shame as most peers can drive, and therefore there’s more incentive to avoid!

[Anonymous]

Please if your teenager learns to drive later than most, please once they are driving others, the others (and parents) have the right to know the driving experience.

DD was picked up for a date by a HS Senior, End of the his senior year so he was almost 19. He had not had 2+ years of driving experience, which would have been typical.

[Anonymous]

I would never try to force anyone to drive.

[Anonymous]

Thanks to all for your thoughts. I think she is anxious because in driver's ed they show collisions and they scared the stuffing out of her. Or, she was scared before.
Anyway, I've signed her up for additional professional lessons. We will still drive together (you need 60 hours on the road before taking the behind-the-wheel part of the driving test), but I'll be more comfortable after she has a few more hours with a professional instructor.
I understand there's Lyft, Uber, etc. and she will use those at night, probably. I think conquering this skill is important.

[Anonymous]

I pay a very expensive teacher who specializes in nervous/reluctant drivers to take my 20 DD out driving. And will continue to do so as long as we need to. Luckily, she has finally come to realize how much she's limiting herself by not driving, so while she's never going to love it, she's at least learning to do it.

[Anonymous]

Not the case in Maryland. You can get a non-driving card that is a Real ID. My reluctant/late to drive DS had one prior to a learner's permit.

"and the driver's license in our country is basically our universal ID card."

[Anonymous]

Driving isn’t like putting one foot in front of another. Safe driving demands skill and confidence. Please don’t unnecessarily endanger everyone else on the road because you want your kid participating.

There’s a reason insurance is sky high for teens and young adults.

[Anonymous]

Get her a self-driving car. She will require minimal driving and she can build up her confidence bit by bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get her a self-driving car. She will require minimal driving and she can build up her confidence bit by bit.

Absolutely not. The ones on the road are not reliable. A Tesla just ran a railroad crossing arm, the driver narrowly escaping death.

[Anonymous]

Why?

What’s her actual reason for this?

Did she have learning disabilities or mental disorders or super high anxiety because of either?

[Anonymous]

Jus rod the simple Behind the wheel class, hours with you or dad, and the test.

Who’s making a big deal out of this?

Lots of idiots successfully got their drivers licenses.

[Anonymous]

[url]

Anonymous wrote:Driving isn’t like putting one foot in front of another. Safe driving demands skill and confidence. Please don’t unnecessarily endanger everyone else on the road because you want your kid participating.

There’s a reason insurance is sky high for teens and young adults.

But WHY is she not confident? Just her nature, fatal accident in family, attention, parent saying she’s a problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son had a fear of driving. He has ADHD, low processing speed and a poor reaction time, and knows his limitations. We did not want to let him go to college without a license, however, so we taught him to drive despite his deep misgivings. He got his license at 17. He has not used it, except last summer when he was 20 to get to a summer job near our house (VERY easy drive). But the point isn't that he drive, the point is that he has a license. He doesn't want to drive at night. He tends to go slowly and carefully - we still accompany many of his drives to act as a back-up pair of eyes in cases he misses anything. Perhaps one day he will reach a point where he becomes a responsive, responsible driver. For now, he can drive in case it's absolutely needed. And maybe that's all he'll ever do.

And to the poster who cannot respect people who don't have this skill - shame on you!

How badly does his low processing speed affect his driving?

He takes a beat to execute his decisions, so everything is done slightly slower than what I'd like to see. Things like deciding to change lanes, or deciding whether or not to go ahead and make a red light turn. Merging is a spatial awareness calculation that he takes time to compute.

So he's just like every other inexperienced driver on the road. The solution is practice, not avoiding driving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why?

What’s her actual reason for this?

Did she have learning disabilities or mental disorders or super high anxiety because of either?

This.