Men: would you date a woman with zero friends?

[Anonymous]

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[Anonymous]

There was a move about this in reverse (husband with no friends). I love you man. Fun movie. I think both partners should definitely have friends. I disagree that the woman should run the social life of the couple — that’s so old school and, well, obnoxious. Both partners should contribute, and both should support each other with their own friendships (preferable same sex ones, but I guess that depends!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There was a move about this in reverse (husband with no friends). I love you man. Fun movie. I think both partners should definitely have friends. I disagree that the woman should run the social life of the couple — that’s so old school and, well, obnoxious. Both partners should contribute, and both should support each other with their own friendships (preferable same sex ones, but I guess that depends!).

Yeah but in that movie, the main character has a brother who is best friends with their dad, and that's part of why he needs a friend -- he's the odd one out in his family and doesn't have another guy he can talk to or confide in (I think maybe he was close to his mom, though? I can't remember the whole movie).

I know people who have close friendships with siblings or are close to parents and don't really have any other close friends, more just friendly acquaintances, and I don't think it's weird. Everyone needs a support system but I think sometimes people get hung up on it looking a very specific way. I would be worried about someone who is a total loner and claims to not need people at all. But if I met someone who didn't have any same-age, same-sex friends but was close to a sibling and visited their grandma regularly for long chats and also had a lot of community at work or via volunteering, I would think that was fine.

I think sometimes women feel under pressure to have a very specific type of friend group and it's good to be a bit more open about how people construct their life. Often people who are unconventional in how they arrange their life are more intentional and thoughtful generally, because it means they make choices that work for them, not just what is expected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Probably not. It suggests poor priorities, and poor character. How can you get to 20 or 30 years old without friends?

Autism

I moved a few times and all the friends I had either also moved or we lost touch. It’s really hard to make new friends as an adult. I get fewer and fewer Christmas cards each year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To all you ladies with no friends, what happened? Do you want friends and someone to talk to? Do you socialize at all? Do you do everything alone? What do you do when you need help?

Many of us were raised without support from parents so we learned to never ask for help. What happened was I moved away from my college town and then my friends moved away from DC. What also happened was I got married and most of my friends used to be male.

Are you me?

Let’s be friends.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

This is a huge red flag. People need to be complete without their partner or else they'll become overly dependent on you and/or resent your friends and pull you away from your social support network. Someone who is incapable of attracting and keeping friends lacks essential emotional skills. Ask yourself why nobody but you finds them interesting and comforting enough to want to spend their time with them? Why does nobody but you feel comfortable confiding in them or counting on them?

[Anonymous]

I only date women with zero friends. I don't need the competition or the scrutiny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Probably not. It suggests poor priorities, and poor character. How can you get to 20 or 30 years old without friends?

Autism

I moved a few times and all the friends I had either also moved or we lost touch. It’s really hard to make new friends as an adult. I get fewer and fewer Christmas cards each year.

Same, a little on the spectrum, but so is my spouse, so we get along great. I have situational friends and only a handful of very close friends. I don't like socializing - parties, small talk - no thank you. The key was finding another person like me.

[Anonymous]

"Same, a little on the spectrum, but so is my spouse, so we get along great. I have situational friends and only a handful of very close friends. I don't like socializing - parties, small talk - no thank you. The key was finding another person like me."

What does this have to do with women with ZERO friends??? Nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Same, a little on the spectrum, but so is my spouse, so we get along great. I have situational friends and only a handful of very close friends. I don't like socializing - parties, small talk - no thank you. The key was finding another person like me."

What does this have to do with women with ZERO friends??? Nothing.

People like me wouldn't automatically write them off. But yes, absolutely zero friends, not even situational friends, is something that needs to be examined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To all you ladies with no friends, what happened? Do you want friends and someone to talk to? Do you socialize at all? Do you do everything alone? What do you do when you need help?

Many of us were raised without support from parents so we learned to never ask for help. What happened was I moved away from my college town and then my friends moved away from DC. What also happened was I got married and most of my friends used to be male.

Are you me?

Let’s be friends.

I would genuinely love that. I can be very social and friendly acquaintances with people who grew up in supportive, functional families, but I have learned that unless I want my friendship to be composed of a lot of people looking at me strangely, for close friends I need people who grew up with similar household dynamics. My husband and my two good friends who moved away are all from similar families and the difference when you are with someone who just gets it is huge. I can truly be myself. It's rare though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a huge red flag. People need to be complete without their partner or else they'll become overly dependent on you and/or resent your friends and pull you away from your social support network. Someone who is incapable of attracting and keeping friends lacks essential emotional skills. Ask yourself why nobody but you finds them interesting and comforting enough to want to spend their time with them? Why does nobody but you feel comfortable confiding in them or counting on them?

I mean there are lots of assumptions here. As has been discussed on the thread, no friends doesn't mean no social ties or support system. People are imperfect. Sometimes friendships end, a person could be between friendships. You are making these extreme assumption that a friendless person is, by definition, a rejected person, without considering any other life circumstances. Did they recently move or change jobs or careers? Have they made big changes in their life that might have led them to re-evaluate the people in their life (e.g. changed their lifestyle towards something healthier or more meaningful, thus distancing them from former friends they now associate with unhealthy or less meaningful choices)?

You seem overly focused on the idea that if someone has no friends, it must be that the world has deemed them unworthy and thus you must as well. Is that how you would respond to someone who had been single for a few years -- no one else wanted them so I shouldn't either? It would be healthier for you to learn to make decisions about people based on your own experiences with them, and not worry so much about what other people think of them. Other people can be careless and dumb, it happens all the time. The crowd is not always the best judge of a person's worth.

[Anonymous]

The question is how many men want their girlfriend's/wives to be more busty than their moms. Mine did. He and his mom made light of my having larger breasts than her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I only date women with zero friends. I don't need the competition or the scrutiny.

Call me, I don't have any friends!