18yo daughter obsessed with marriage—not boyfriends—what should I tell her?

[Anonymous]

It's good to think about these things early but she needs to be a lot more realistic with her list. Basically all of us who want a decent marriage with a decent man will have to "settle" in some way. Even supermodels. You can point out the things which are possible to compromise on and the things which should not be compromised on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked her what she's looking for in a husband?

Yes, it’s seems unrealistic.

How so?

It’s a lot..
Believes in soulmates and true love.
1. Wealthy
2. Extremely ambitious and successful
3. Charismatic and outgoing personality
4. Perfect physical appearance
5. The "ideal" personality—someone who meets all her emotional and personal needs
6. High social status
7. Perfect match in every way (financial, emotional, personality)
8. Perfect family background
9. No flaws in character
10. Prioritizes her above anyone else
11. Always on the same page

Well, she is 18 and those are idealistic criteria. Not a single thing on that list is an inherently BAD thing to have in a partner, just very unrealistic as you said. You can help her understand where her criteria are too rigid or help guide her away from stuff you don't think "should be" a priority in a relationship. You are her mom and get to tell her what you think is important. I personally would be encouraging my daughter to steer away from stuff like "high social status" and "wealthy" but might keep the stuff that is more "career driven and ambitious" in order to prioritize a value of hard work or being financially successful or however we defined it.

Overall, it sounds like she's a kid with a kid list. That's a good reason for her to date people and see how reality matches up to this Disney princess fantasy you've got here.

She’s had plenty of chances to date but turned them all down because she’s holding out for her idea of the ‘perfect’ husband, not just a boyfriend. And now she’s asking me where she’s supposed to find one.

Tell her practice makes perfect!
She shouldn’t be a 30 yo virgin

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I was as smart as your daughter. I wasn’t thinking about marriage or family at 18 or 28. After 30, the options get bleak. Unless you’re Meghan Markel.

I think MM got lucky because H is so damaged, she was able to match his trauma perfectly (she is damaged too, just in a different way). It’s not a healthy relationship. They are like those weird freaks whom we occasionally see paired off and who seem like a very tight couple. It’s not like that for emotionally healthy people

[Anonymous]

A man is not a plan unless she’s independently wealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked her what she's looking for in a husband?

Yes, it’s seems unrealistic.

How so?

It’s a lot..
Believes in soulmates and true love.
1. Wealthy
2. Extremely ambitious and successful
3. Charismatic and outgoing personality
4. Perfect physical appearance
5. The "ideal" personality—someone who meets all her emotional and personal needs
6. High social status
7. Perfect match in every way (financial, emotional, personality)
8. Perfect family background
9. No flaws in character
10. Prioritizes her above anyone else
11. Always on the same page

I’d tell her that that guy can get anyone. Literally any single female on the planet. Any woman in Hollywood. If she wants an amazing catch, she needs to work on becoming an amazing catch.

For example, the best way to attract emotional health is to work on your own emotional health. Then advise her to go to a therapist. Have the therapist help her with this nonsense. She’ll scare off the good ones with this attitude.

[Anonymous]

Op this maybe completely off base, so I apologize if it is or has been covered, but what kind of books does your daughter read?
I like “modern romance” and I have seen a change in the hero of books lately. The men women in these books now are all millionaires and perfect family, with social statues etc. Nora Robert’s types of hero’s that work and build for a living are very out.
I wonder if she is picking up the Lucy score/colleen Hoover types of books and extrapolating to her life from them……

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she reads too many romance novels. Kind of like young men who watch too much porn. They idealize men / women / relationships / marriage and think of it in fantasy terms rather than reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked her what she's looking for in a husband?

Yes, it’s seems unrealistic.

How so?

It’s a lot..
Believes in soulmates and true love.
1. Wealthy
2. Extremely ambitious and successful
3. Charismatic and outgoing personality
4. Perfect physical appearance
5. The "ideal" personality—someone who meets all her emotional and personal needs
6. High social status
7. Perfect match in every way (financial, emotional, personality)
8. Perfect family background
9. No flaws in character
10. Prioritizes her above anyone else
11. Always on the same page

This person doesn't exist. This is a book / movie character. Perfection doesn't exist.

[Anonymous]

She's brain-rotted by TIktok