18yo daughter obsessed with marriage—not boyfriends—what should I tell her?
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Anonymous
The word "perfect" appears three times in that list. No one is perfect. |
Anonymous
And what does she think she has to offer? Besides a tight teenager bod and vajayjay, I mean. |
Anonymous
| Tell her to look for someone who values family and can put her first |
Anonymous
Not even close. Sounds like a typical emotionally immature and inexperienced 18 yo girl who just so happens to speak her mind freely. She's far from the only one like this! But most don't tell their mothers. |
Anonymous
She’s had plenty of chances to date but turned them all down because she’s holding out for her idea of the ‘perfect’ husband, not just a boyfriend. And now she’s asking me where she’s supposed to find one. |
Anonymous
I think you need to ask her how she's going to find out the characteristics of a potential husband if she is unwilling to date anyone. After all, it's boyfriends that turn into husbands. If her perfect future husband had asked her out and she turned him down, she wouldn't even know about the missed opportunity. |
Anonymous
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I give my daughter the feedback which I learned from observing my parents’s terrible relationship. My mom never provided guidance.
Find a good man who will be a good provider. Women who have to work while having kids have it very, very hard. You are pretty, smart, and kind, and therefore, you can afford to be picky. |
Anonymous
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I wish I had tried harder for marriage when I was younger. I instead was looking for fun and a soulmate and now I'm old and divorced because I ended up settling when I realized my biological clock was ticking.
Though honestly, I am so different now than when I was 20 that maybe it wouldn't have worked out either. But I think it's not backward or terrible to be thinking about marriage at 18. |
Anonymous
Tell her that. Tell her it worked out well for you but you think dating other men first might have been good, too. |
Anonymous
| What is your dh like? That’s likely the kind of man she’s going to marry. |
Anonymous
| Introduce her to DCUM and ask her if this is what she wants. DCUM is full of failed marriages |
Anonymous
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Tell her that being overfixated on marriage as a goal can make it more likely that she will sacrifice on serious issues just to acheive the goal of marriage.
That marriage isn't a be all end all, and that there are plenty people who might want to get married but not near as many who are able and interested in building a healthy relationship and a successful family life. That being married might seem fun and magical, but that it is a choice that will have a large effect on the entire trajectory of her future and that of any children she may have. That, of course.You hope that she finds someone she would like to build a future with, but you trust this will happen all in good time, and that if it was up to you, you would like to see her having fun building her own life and figuring out her own adult self, while enjoying getting to know the various men that will cross her path. |
Anonymous
| Get curious about why she is so interested in it |
Anonymous
Well if you are happy with your choice then you did something right. Tell her about it. Tell her not to wait too long to have kids. Out of college, 5 years of work, time to have a kid. |
Anonymous
| I wish I was as smart as your daughter. I wasn’t thinking about marriage or family at 18 or 28. After 30, the options get bleak. Unless you’re Meghan Markel. |