Five Daughters in Their 20s Who Can’t Stop Fighting and Being Jealous

[Anonymous]

I remember reading a study once that of all the combinations of genders and numbers, parents of two daughters were the happiest, and parents of five daughters were the most miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughters are at an age OP where you ➕ your husband should just stay out of whatever drama they create amongst themselves.
They should not be drawing either of you into their immature chaotic ways.

+1, don't talk, ask, or wonder about one of them when you spend time with each of them. I mean ever! Unless someone is in the hospital!
Have one family get together but, otherwise, you need to be like a friend to each daughter and treat them the same.

[Anonymous]

Are you in the South? This all feels very Georgia, or South Carolina. Do any of your daughters have interesting or important careers or are they just coasting on the fumes of being former mid-level debutantes.

[Anonymous]

Too many daughters

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's because you had 5 kids. Sorry but it's this. Some people can have a lot of kids and not incite jealousy and infighting because everyone still has what they need. IME usually this only works if you have a tight knit community or extended family who help with the kids and thus all the kids get plenty of 1 on 1 time with adults and feel loved.

But if you don't have those kinds of human resources, your kids grow up always feeling like your attention is divided. Because it is. Your older kids become resentful of younger kids because they lost you to the high demands of babies and toddlers when they were still young. Your middle kids feel invisible. Your youngest are probably the only ones who felt like they got the attention they wanted, but you neglected them in other ways (for instance you may have failed to make them more independent and resilient, by constantly protecting them from older siblings and excusing their bad behavior as "well they're the youngest").

My parents did the same. Too many kids, not enough adults, lots of neglect. My siblings and I have never been close or gotten along. Lots of negative dynamics.

This X10000. My MIL had 6 other siblings. They are all in their late 60s to early 80s and behave as emotionally stunted children when they interact. It’s bizarre to see but apparently common in houses with too many kids. Scarcity mindset creates some strange behaviors.

[Anonymous]

Way too many children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you provided the older children with the same or similar support that you are providing the 23 and 21 YOs, the older children have no reason to be jealous. However, if you told them that they were on their own at age 18 and now are supporting your younger kids past that age, they have reason to be upset.

If you have generally been fair, then you need to just ignore their drama.

+1. You need to give a lot of

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you provided the older children with the same or similar support that you are providing the 23 and 21 YOs, the older children have no reason to be jealous. However, if you told them that they were on their own at age 18 and now are supporting your younger kids past that age, they have reason to be upset.

If you have generally been fair, then you need to just ignore their drama.

+1. You need to give a lot of

Sorry, I hit reply too soon. You need to give a lot of thought to whether you are treating them fairly. Did your older DDs get the same level of financial support when they were the younger DDs’ age? Do you give them equal attention? Do you take sides or assume certain things about how each behaves? It’s interesting, for example, that you view your DD texting her sister’s BF as completely innocent.
I agree with those who said that’s weird unless there is a specific reason.

I think you should do the following:

1. Treat each DD as equally/ fairly as possible.

2. If they think something is unfair, consider whether you could do something differently, even if you don’t view your behavior as favoritism.

3. Don’t take sides in their arguments or talk about one without the other present.

[Anonymous]

Normal. You are, as pointed out, far to involved. Step back.

[Anonymous]

Troll score: 6

I cannot believe people are answering this as if it is real.

[Anonymous]

Another poster saying you need to think about whether you are actually treating each daughter fairly. I only have one sibling and my parents think that they are being fair to each of us, except they are not and they refuse to hear me when I tell them they are being unfair me. It’s so blatantly unfair, that my DH who usually stays out of my family matters, makes comments about the unfairness that he observes.