My 18 year old just got 2 tattoos

[Anonymous]

The bigger issue is he lied about why he needed the money. Your husband should demand repayment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kid (he is a kid even though he’s 18) is away in college. He lied and told his dad he needed money for a refrigerator. Dad did not question this, even though he knew he has a refrigerator in his college suite and gave him money. Kid went to a tattoo parlour (cheapest he could find because refrigerators are not that expensive) and got two tattoos that are horrible, beyond horrible. Worst tattoos ever. Kid knows I hate tattoos. We’ve had multiple conversations about them.

This was two weeks ago. I’m a mess. I can’t sleep or think of anything else other than what he did to his once perfect body. They are trashy and disgusting. I hate my son for doing this to himself and ME. I can’t function I’m so upset. I don’t know what to do. He says he won’t remove them. I don’t want to see my son when he comes home from spring break because I’m so angry and disappointed.

He is his own person. He will do things differently from you. It is not a failure on your part. He does not belong to you. You do not own him. He needs to make a few mistakes along the way. Everyone needs to. Whenever you think about it. Stop - close your eyes, breathe in for four seconds, hold for four seconds, breathe out for seven seconds and think “that does not belong to me, that does not belong to me, that does not belong to me……..”.

“He does not belong to you.”

Is a quote that many parents on DCUM need to memorize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The bigger issue is he lied about why he needed the money. Your husband should demand repayment.

This. Small frigs aren't that expensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I knew I should NOT have posted here. What an idiot I am. The fact that many of you say NOTHING of the lying and stealing says volumes. I’m no longer going to check this thread. Goodbye DCUM forever.

Girl BYE!

[Anonymous]

I was in this situation a year ago and sympathize with OP.

I am not a controlling mother. Far from it. My DD has always had a lot of freedom. And it was not an issue of "tell them not to do something and they will." In fact, the mistake I made was not being open - not admitting to judging people with tattoos when I really do (many of her friends). I tried to model accepting behavior, but it wasn't always truly how I felt. I felt those friends made stupid, impulsive decisions. But I always welcomed into my home and did not outwardly judge.

Lots of earrings? Brightly colored hair? Nose rings? I have no problem with them, because they're temporary. But tattoos are permanent, and 18 years olds are idiots. I honestly wish they'd raise the age to 21. Even three years would help a lot of these "I just turned 18" tattoos.

I completely relate to the not being able to eat, sleep, etc. My DH totally disagreed with me, which also made it harder. He was fine with it. Sees it as something 18 year olds do. This was hard, because as a general rule, we are on the same page, and certainly when it has come to parenting. Now I know some people will say this isn't a parenting issue - because they're 18 - but it is. It was a parenting fail because my DD truly doesn't get that, while people SHOULDN'T judge, they do. And sometimes those people are the ones in power to give you a job, loan, help, etc.

Also, to all the people who claim it's about them and not you, tattoos in visible places are meant to be seen. There is a saying "tattoos are for the wearer, not the starter." That's BS. People get them to be seen - and 18 year olds almost exclusively do.

I am still having problem's with my DD's tattoo. It has changed the way I see her. She does not know this (although she knows I don't like it - but I have said it's because I don't like them overall). The reality is, I don't trust her to make good decisions, which is scary now that she is away at college.

But I love her, and I'm trying to see past this. If she comes to me one day and wants to get it removed, I will pay.

OP, you are not alone in feeling this way - but you were right not to post on DCUM. Not because everyone here is pro-tattoo but because they are programmed to attack. if you had posted and said your DS got tattoos and you love them, everyone would have chimed in with why they're awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids did this at 18 too, although they used their own money. I also am incredibly against tattoos, and one of ours has 3 at this point.

It's not about YOU. It's your kid's body, not yours, and their life. And, over 18, there's nothing you can do.

You need to come to terms with this, and get over yourself. Your job is to love your kid no matter what, not be an a$$hole about stupid things they do

This. It is not your body. It has nothing to do with you. The fact that you are upset that he did this to YOU says a lot.

My kids just turned 18 and already has plans for a tattoo. It's her body. I've encouraged her to consider the design, size, and placement as it relates to her future professional career - but honestly I'm not sure there is much I can do. I'm not going to pay for it but it's her body.

[Anonymous]

The issue is that he lied and essentially stole money from you for crappy tats.

He’s an adult now, so with that come responsibilities, including financially supporting himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in this situation a year ago and sympathize with OP.

I am not a controlling mother. Far from it. My DD has always had a lot of freedom. And it was not an issue of "tell them not to do something and they will." In fact, the mistake I made was not being open - not admitting to judging people with tattoos when I really do (many of her friends). I tried to model accepting behavior, but it wasn't always truly how I felt. I felt those friends made stupid, impulsive decisions. But I always welcomed into my home and did not outwardly judge.

Lots of earrings? Brightly colored hair? Nose rings? I have no problem with them, because they're temporary. But tattoos are permanent, and 18 years olds are idiots. I honestly wish they'd raise the age to 21. Even three years would help a lot of these "I just turned 18" tattoos.

I completely relate to the not being able to eat, sleep, etc. My DH totally disagreed with me, which also made it harder. He was fine with it. Sees it as something 18 year olds do. This was hard, because as a general rule, we are on the same page, and certainly when it has come to parenting. Now I know some people will say this isn't a parenting issue - because they're 18 - but it is. It was a parenting fail because my DD truly doesn't get that, while people SHOULDN'T judge, they do. And sometimes those people are the ones in power to give you a job, loan, help, etc.

Also, to all the people who claim it's about them and not you, tattoos in visible places are meant to be seen. There is a saying "tattoos are for the wearer, not the starter." That's BS. People get them to be seen - and 18 year olds almost exclusively do.

I am still having problem's with my DD's tattoo. It has changed the way I see her. She does not know this (although she knows I don't like it - but I have said it's because I don't like them overall). The reality is, I don't trust her to make good decisions, which is scary now that she is away at college.

But I love her, and I'm trying to see past this. If she comes to me one day and wants to get it removed, I will pay.

OP, you are not alone in feeling this way - but you were right not to post on DCUM. Not because everyone here is pro-tattoo but because they are programmed to attack. if you had posted and said your DS got tattoos and you love them, everyone would have chimed in with why they're awful.

You don’t get it either. I hate tattoos. But if my DD got one I wouldn’t hate her or lie awake about it. Her body her choice. OP’s unhealthy obsession with controlling her DC is probably at the root of the damaged relationship reflected by DC stealing from and lying to parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in this situation a year ago and sympathize with OP.

I am not a controlling mother. Far from it. My DD has always had a lot of freedom. And it was not an issue of "tell them not to do something and they will." In fact, the mistake I made was not being open - not admitting to judging people with tattoos when I really do (many of her friends). I tried to model accepting behavior, but it wasn't always truly how I felt. I felt those friends made stupid, impulsive decisions. But I always welcomed into my home and did not outwardly judge.

Lots of earrings? Brightly colored hair? Nose rings? I have no problem with them, because they're temporary. But tattoos are permanent, and 18 years olds are idiots. I honestly wish they'd raise the age to 21. Even three years would help a lot of these "I just turned 18" tattoos.

I completely relate to the not being able to eat, sleep, etc. My DH totally disagreed with me, which also made it harder. He was fine with it. Sees it as something 18 year olds do. This was hard, because as a general rule, we are on the same page, and certainly when it has come to parenting. Now I know some people will say this isn't a parenting issue - because they're 18 - but it is. It was a parenting fail because my DD truly doesn't get that, while people SHOULDN'T judge, they do. And sometimes those people are the ones in power to give you a job, loan, help, etc.

Also, to all the people who claim it's about them and not you, tattoos in visible places are meant to be seen. There is a saying "tattoos are for the wearer, not the starter." That's BS. People get them to be seen - and 18 year olds almost exclusively do.

I am still having problem's with my DD's tattoo. It has changed the way I see her. She does not know this (although she knows I don't like it - but I have said it's because I don't like them overall). The reality is, I don't trust her to make good decisions, which is scary now that she is away at college.

But I love her, and I'm trying to see past this. If she comes to me one day and wants to get it removed, I will pay.

OP, you are not alone in feeling this way - but you were right not to post on DCUM. Not because everyone here is pro-tattoo but because they are programmed to attack. if you had posted and said your DS got tattoos and you love them, everyone would have chimed in with why they're awful.

You don’t get it either. I hate tattoos. But if my DD got one I wouldn’t hate her or lie awake about it. Her body her choice. OP’s unhealthy obsession with controlling her DC is probably at the root of the damaged relationship reflected by DC stealing from and lying to parents.

No, I get it. I do not hate my DD. I never said I did (and in fact noted that I love her, which I would hope be inferred but I wanted to point it out given the context of the conversation). I do think she made a stupid decision, though, and it makes me fear for her, both in terms of future regret/lost opportunities and the fact that she might make other stupid decisions. We all worry about our children and want the best for them. The stealing and lying is an issue of course, but clearly it is the tattoos that are bothering OP most of all, and I get that. Stealing (from parents) and lying are absolutely wrong, but c'mon - they're not totally out of character for many 18 year olds. That is not what is keeping OP up at night. It's the tattoos, and I understand why.

[Anonymous]

I am still having problem's with my DD's tattoo. It has changed the way I see her. She does not know this (although she knows I don't like it - but I have said it's because I don't like them overall). The reality is, I don't trust her to make good decisions, which is scary now that she is away at college.

ONE YEAR LATER you are still obsessing over your AC’s tattoo, and sympathizing with OP. Go reread the OP stating that they hate their child because of the tattoo. I’m going to stand by my statement that you don’t get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I am still having problem's with my DD's tattoo. It has changed the way I see her. She does not know this (although she knows I don't like it - but I have said it's because I don't like them overall). The reality is, I don't trust her to make good decisions, which is scary now that she is away at college.

ONE YEAR LATER you are still obsessing over your AC’s tattoo, and sympathizing with OP. Go reread the OP stating that they hate their child because of the tattoo. I’m going to stand by my statement that you don’t get it.

+1

And I love PP's misguided musings that she didn't judge her daughter's tattooed friends enough. Surely if PP had then DD would have stayed tat-free so as not do displease her dear mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got mine at 35 and my dad was still pissed when he found out! Lol.

I had a temporary tattoo and my mother flipped when she saw it. I'm 52.

[Anonymous]

My cousin works with teens, and in the last month, at least five of them have gotten tattoos within a month of turning 18. It's pretty common, among UMC/UC kids, they pay for it. One girl even showed her the tattoos she's planning to get tomorrow—a big cheetah print/tiger design on her upper arm and baby deers on her lower inner arm. Most of these kids end up regretting their tattoos and get them removed later, but it's still something that happens a lot. The parents are usually not thrilled about it either, OP, so you are not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I am still having problem's with my DD's tattoo. It has changed the way I see her. She does not know this (although she knows I don't like it - but I have said it's because I don't like them overall). The reality is, I don't trust her to make good decisions, which is scary now that she is away at college.

ONE YEAR LATER you are still obsessing over your AC’s tattoo, and sympathizing with OP. Go reread the OP stating that they hate their child because of the tattoo. I’m going to stand by my statement that you don’t get it.

+1

And I love PP's misguided musings that she didn't judge her daughter's tattooed friends enough. Surely if PP had then DD would have stayed tat-free so as not do displease her dear mother.

I'm this PP. I see your point in the way I wrote it. What I should have said is that I should have better communicated to my DD that there were risks/potential future negatives to her friends' decisions to get tattoos. I should have explained that while people should not judge, they do. It was a communication failure on my part. Would it have stopped my DD from getting one? I don't know. But I truly do believe she did not go into it having fully thought things through, and this would have helped. I agree the OP should not hate her DS because of the tattoos - and I suspect she does not actually do so. But her being angry is justified, IMHO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I am still having problem's with my DD's tattoo. It has changed the way I see her. She does not know this (although she knows I don't like it - but I have said it's because I don't like them overall). The reality is, I don't trust her to make good decisions, which is scary now that she is away at college.

ONE YEAR LATER you are still obsessing over your AC’s tattoo, and sympathizing with OP. Go reread the OP stating that they hate their child because of the tattoo. I’m going to stand by my statement that you don’t get it.

+1

And I love PP's misguided musings that she didn't judge her daughter's tattooed friends enough. Surely if PP had then DD would have stayed tat-free so as not do displease her dear mother.

IKR? They just can’t let go of their narrow expectations. ^^^^