When they're not where you expect them to be

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 13 year old is in 7th or 8th grade? I would also give more leash. It’s fine to go within this boundary etc. if you are going to go outside of it, ask first. it’s old to be having to tell you every movement she is making after school. It’s very common socializing for kids that age to wander some after school.

13 seems too young to have that level of freedom. Hanging out in public with other kids, public transport? My daughter is always with me. She's with friends under supervision. She's mature and responsible but she's still a child, I don't want her wandering around, it's not safe, so many things could go wrong.

A lot of this may be dependent on where you live. City vs burb, etc. City kids IME have more autonomy and freedom because it is easier to get around.

We live in the suburbs and our nine year old has this level of freedom. Not allowing it at 13 is crazy.

Why’s that boo

Treating a 13 year old like a baby is bad for them. A 13 year is sufficiently mature to walk home and stop by the store by themselves. Having a child that age be "always with you" because "so many things could go wrong" stunts their development and demonstrates excessive anxiety about their safety. It's bad parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 13 year old is in 7th or 8th grade? I would also give more leash. It’s fine to go within this boundary etc. if you are going to go outside of it, ask first. it’s old to be having to tell you every movement she is making after school. It’s very common socializing for kids that age to wander some after school.

13 seems too young to have that level of freedom. Hanging out in public with other kids, public transport? My daughter is always with me. She's with friends under supervision. She's mature and responsible but she's still a child, I don't want her wandering around, it's not safe, so many things could go wrong.

A lot of this may be dependent on where you live. City vs burb, etc. City kids IME have more autonomy and freedom because it is easier to get around.

We live in the suburbs and our nine year old has this level of freedom. Not allowing it at 13 is crazy.

Why’s that boo

Treating a 13 year old like a baby is bad for them. A 13 year is sufficiently mature to walk home and stop by the store by themselves. Having a child that age be "always with you" because "so many things could go wrong" stunts their development and demonstrates excessive anxiety about their safety. It's bad parenting.

At 13, I was riding my bike several miles to visit friends, but a snack at the closest gas station, visit the library, etc. There was no way for my parents to track my location. I was also capable of taking the bus. It's good for kids to have a reasonable amount of freedom, especially if you can, in fact, see where they are.

[Anonymous]

PP. It's very common to wander at that age to gas stations or whatever else is close to school and has snacks. It's a form of socializing. She seems mature and sweet. Don't let your anxiety get the best of you and go nuts on this. Otherwise she'll not tell you where she is when she's older and it really matters. You have to grow with your kids. My DH still thinks our teens are "little" and they literally tell him nothing. Some parents seem to get stuck in kids' childhoods, when the kids are no longer there.

[Anonymous]

My kid goes to afterschool with her friends, and there are 2 blocks. Sometimes, when it is only 1 block, she carpools with her friends on the way home to a fast food place for a quick snack. This is not a serious thing, unless they were doing something bad along with it. Let your teen be a teen. If you’re that worried, you should just ask her straight up, see what she says, let her know what you know.

[Anonymous]

7-11 stores are usually in sketchy areas.

[Anonymous]

You might as well start now for her to understand the importance of being honest about her plans. At 14 we were usually not sleeping where we said we were. No one got caught, no phones. Now they need to know that lying makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

13 is when kids started hanging at the wooded park to vape or sneak a drink at our middle school. Sketchy crowd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your not supposed to try to catch them in a lie, right?

why?

We have told our DD that we don't mind if her plans change but she needs to notify us.

So the one time I saw her location was not where she said she was going to be- I just called and said "what are you doing and why are you not at X location...'

DP. That's fine. The problem is parents who set their kids up to lie. Like if you knew she was at Y and called and said hey, how's it going at X? Or parents who know their 5 year old ate the cookies but ask them if they ate the cookies.

[Anonymous]

At that age, my kids had allowable places in the areas they were supposed to be in. So if they went to a friend's, they knew they could go to xyz other places around there without having to check in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your not supposed to try to catch them in a lie, right?

why?

We have told our DD that we don't mind if her plans change but she needs to notify us.

So the one time I saw her location was not where she said she was going to be- I just called and said "what are you doing and why are you not at X location...'

I'm guessing the PP meant you're not supposed to try to trap/trick them. In others, if you know they didn't go to the club after school, don't ask them how it was to try to catch them in a lie.