Would you tell mom friend why my child no longer wants to hang out with her child?

[Anonymous]

I would never tell someone their kid is "annoying" or imply that their behavior is related to siblings.

I might say something like. "It doesn't seem like the girls enjoy each other's company. Last time your daughter said "X" to mine. Can we plan something just the two of us?"

Or "After Larlita stepped on her foot at the last visit, Larla has asked to take a break from seeing her, and I'm going to respect that. Can we plan something for just the two of us?."

It's likely that she will still feel hurt, and that the friendship could still end, but at least she had clear feedback on what the issue is. Vague words like "annoying" or "selfish" aren't feedback.

[Anonymous]

Candidly you sound mean with your only child bashing and using the word hate...it's a little strong. If your kid doesn't want to hang out with someone, don't invite them over and decline any invites.

[Anonymous]

My mom had a friend with a daughter who would bully and badmouth me and made my junior high years very tough. She eventually confronted her. They never spoke again. Be prepared to lose a friend(s).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes tell her.

Stop making your kid play with her kid.

I think it depends on ages. My guess is that these children are 3-5? Sometimes personalities can clash and a child can come off as spoiled or whatnot. I wouldn’t personally feel the need to label the child and I wouldn’t say: my child hates your child because your child is spoiled.

Maybe try a little painting class or a library thing or something where you all are together but separate, if that makes sense. And try to do mom stuff occasionally. A coffee or dinner or whatnot without kids. Don’t let this ruin your friendship.

[Anonymous]

It’s the end. Just let them go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you can just say "Larla hasn't been enjoying the playdates recently and it seems like she and Darla have been having a lot of conflicts, but I'd love to get coffee with you on Saturday". That opens the door for her to ask about details but it doesn't force a confrontation if she's not ready for that.

Frankly some variation of this is for the best. If you want to continue being friends with the mom, then do that and just make it clear the girls aren't working out... which is perfectly ok! When kids are little they play with whoever but around this age, they really start to have strong preference. No need to psychoanalyze the mom and child. The daughter is, "an only child." "The mom has a demanding career." None of that may have anything to do with the problem. Also, you might be surprised to find that the other girl has said things to her mom about your daughter. NOTHING good can come of two adults going down the road of trying to recreate why two 9yos aren't getting along and arguing over who did what to who. If you enjoy the mom, then keep the friendship going and remove the kids from the equation!

You might also want to rethink the message you are drilling into your daughter about this weird notion of being nice to everyone. My kids absolutely do NOT need to be nice to people who are physical with them and make fun of them. I certainly wouldn't force them to maintain friendships with people like that. How will your daughter react to a boyfriend who puts her down and makes fun of her? Who maybe is a bit physical with her? The message you are drilling into her is to not trust her instinct and instead she must try harder and be nice to this person to people who are mean to her. $%^ that!!