DD14 swore at a teacher

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:could it be ADHD?n

Maybe it’s Tourette’s..

[Anonymous]

This reflects poorly on the family.

[Anonymous]

Who the actual hell does your daughter think she is? Where does she get off talking to a teacher like that? Having a quick temper doesn’t automatically mean cursing at an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't she have a phone prior to this? In this world 14 would be a very difficult age to not have a phone, phones are the social language of teens.

Her behavior has no excuse and needs to be addressed, but withholding a phone from a 14 year old could create a lot of bitterness and animosity towards authority, and a feeling like you really don't care about her wellbeing (social wellbeing which matters a lot to teens). Her not even having a restricted phone or similar and what she would deal with because of that - it seems a bot normal to me that she would have no respect for adults in charge.

Barring some extremely atypical situation of course, but genetically, 14 year olds often have phones even just for their safety and for parents to keep in touch to help foster independence & responsibility. Also both very important at this age.

No! Take the phone away.

She doesn’t have a phone. Learn to read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 14yo DD (8th grade) swore at a teacher at school. After being told to stop talking in class, she said told the teacher to “Stfu. We are addressing it seriously at home.
This is the second or third incident of disrespectful language, and she’ll have to get detention if ur happens again. She does not have a phone, so I’m looking for ideas on appropriate consequences beyond that. She can have a quick temper, and we’re working on it, but the focus right now is making sure this stops.
What consequences would you give?

What do you think is appropriate? I would not allow anything social for two weeks outside of scheduled activities, no phone or electronics outside of school and an apology email to the teacher and principal.

[Anonymous]

No scheduled activities

[Anonymous]

how has she not had detention already? different teachers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Public or private OP?

First she appologizes in person.

Then she goes to therapy to find out what you have done wrong as parents

DP. Public. Obviously, public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:could it be ADHD?n

Can we please stop using ADHD as an excuse for rude or inappropriate behavior? OP said her DD is 14. Even if she has ADHD she knows it’s unacceptable to use that kind of language to a teacher.

Agree.
My 2 kids both struggled with ADHD and there is still NO WAY they would have done that, or that we wouldn't have gone to Defcon 1 if they had.

+1

I'm a high school teacher, and I have worked with many ADHD students over the years. A kid with ADHD may be respectful or not, but that has nothing to do with the ADHD itself. ADHD does not cause disrespectful behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:could it be ADHD?n

Can we please stop using ADHD as an excuse for rude or inappropriate behavior? OP said her DD is 14. Even if she has ADHD she knows it’s unacceptable to use that kind of language to a teacher.

Agree.
My 2 kids both struggled with ADHD and there is still NO WAY they would have done that, or that we wouldn't have gone to Defcon 1 if they had.

I agree too. I posted already about the 13yo yelling a silly name for the teacher while running past the classroom.
DD does have adhd so the impulsiveness is there, but I went ballistic on this and there is no way she would ever swear at a teacher, or any adult for that matter

[Anonymous]

My kid took a “questionable tone” with a teacher in front of an administrator. The teacher wasn’t bothered by it by the admin was. He got a week worth of detention and had to write a letter of apology which I had to sign. He never did that again.

It sounds like your child is in a permissive public school and it isn’t the right environment for her. Look for something more structured with higher expectations.

[Anonymous]

Which school? How do you swear at a teacher 3 r 4 times and never get detention? How can that possibly be a consequence for NEXT TIME!!

[Anonymous]

Be a better example to begin with. Where is she learning to swear as a go-to response? At home. Clean up your act.

[Anonymous]

OP, I work in a Title I public middle school. Teens push boundaries, try on different personas, and generally see what they can get away with, so cursing is to be expected and I take it in stride (although I have zero tolerance for it within my classroom). However, there is a huge gulf between saying “f*ck” in the hallway when chatting with friends and saying it directly to an adult. I’ve worked in high-poverty public middle schools since 2009 and have never had a student say “shut the f*ck up” to me. Your daughter was wildly out of bounds, and I hope your response reflects the seriousness of her behavior.

Also, as an adult with ADHD, impulsivity isn’t an excuse.

[Anonymous]

Do you guys use inappropriate language at home? If so, I would work on this. If not, speak to her pediatrician about possible impulsivity/ADHD.