What are your honest thoughts on forever bachelors

[Anonymous]

My 49-year-old younger brother is like this. He is a former Division I athlete at Stanford and has multiple interesting hobbies, such as music, skydiving, and cooking. He works in private equity and makes $4 million per year. He travels frequently for work and does not have time for a long-term relationship. When he turned 40, he paid two beautiful women in their twenties to carry two babies for him. He also hired two full-time babysitters to take care of the children. He retired two years ago to become a full-time dad, and he is with them all the time. Life is great for him without a partner.

[Anonymous]

Who cares? I don’t give it any thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I (very briefly) dated a guy like this in my 20s. He thought of himself as a James-Bond type. His ideal relationship was one where we only saw each other a couple times a year and he was free to sleep with other women. His ultimate goal was to find a woman to impregnate, she would raise the kids essentially solo and he would drop in and out as he pleased.

Not surprisingly, nobody took him up on that offer.

He's now early 40s and still lives the bachelor lifestyle. Funny enough, we're still friends and talk a couple times a year. He's basically miserable and complains that women only want him for his money and the expensive vacations he provides, nobody actually wants him for *him*. Well, duh, nobody wants that kind of man.

I'm not too judgmental. He had a very rough childhood, was abandoned by his parents, obviously has severe attachment issues. Although it's interesting, one of my other close friends was also abandoned by his parents and is the exact opposite: always wanted to be a good husband and father, settled down, and is 100% committed to his family.

This was basically my dad and his brother. They were abandoned by their father when they were young. They both took completely different paths with respect to their perspectives on family life and responsibilities. Fortunately (for me and my siblings), my dad is the one who grew up to be the grounded, responsible family man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a DH and if I had to do it over again that's the route I would take, although I would consider adopting a child. I like having kids but I don't think I'm cut out for the lifetime partner thing. The benefits of having a wife don't seem worth it to me.

I am a woman. I think marriage is the worst institution for women. I think men benefit more. Also never cut out for a long term thing. I like being alone too much. Thankfully, I always worked so I could divorce without much financial impact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a DH and if I had to do it over again that's the route I would take, although I would consider adopting a child. I like having kids but I don't think I'm cut out for the lifetime partner thing. The benefits of having a wife don't seem worth it to me.

I am a woman. I think marriage is the worst institution for women. I think men benefit more. Also never cut out for a long term thing. I like being alone too much. Thankfully, I always worked so I could divorce without much financial impact.

I'm the PP you're responding to. Men may benefit more, but the benefits were not worth squeeze to me. So I wouldn't do it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 49-year-old younger brother is like this. He is a former Division I athlete at Stanford and has multiple interesting hobbies, such as music, skydiving, and cooking. He works in private equity and makes $4 million per year. He travels frequently for work and does not have time for a long-term relationship. When he turned 40, he paid two beautiful women in their twenties to carry two babies for him. He also hired two full-time babysitters to take care of the children. He retired two years ago to become a full-time dad, and he is with them all the time. Life is great for him without a partner.

What a strange thing to make up.
The surrogate isn't even the one who is genetically related to the children, and she's someone who has had kids before. The genetic material is from the egg donor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a guy with whom I graduated HS. He is in his late 50s and has never been married or had kids. He was/is still very good looking. He seems to have a great life. He has a steady job. He plays in a band with friends for fun. He has taken up several cool hobbies, one of which is photography and posts his pictures online.(really cool perspectives and exposures) He volunteers as a docent at several museums in the city he lives in. He volunteers for other charitable organizations like food banks and Habitat. He has many friends in the city and is close with his family.

If he were a woman, people would say his life is rich and full. Because he is a man, and a really good looking one at that, there must be something wrong with him.

Maybe he’s in the closet or asexual.

[Anonymous]

Weird that people are talking about sex, coming from the viewpoint of a sexless marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They usually don't have much of a sex drive. They don't get turned on unless the woman is really hot and they will go months without if a really hot woman isn't available. When they do get lucky, eventually the glitter wears off when they see the woman without makeup or sick. It just isn't that important to them to get regular sex.

Or he’s heard enough horror stories like mine where the man gets stuck in a sexless marriage and can’t do anything about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have come across heterosexual men who are 40+ that never married and never had children. A few have never lived with a romantic partner. They spend their time in nightclubs, picking up much younger women, traveling with male friends (rarely with female companions) looking for the new hot party/club/lounges, etc.

What do you honestly make of men like this (being judgemental is included)?

Most grew up in horrible homes with crappy mothers or crappy fathers and do not want to repeat the cycle.

Or they just don't want to deal with another human all the time

[Anonymous]

This is basically me (41yo) and I have no plans to change it unless I met somebody amazing. Never had a long term relationship.

1. I'm an only child and very used to being alone. I enjoy coming home to my quiet apartment and watching/eating whatever I want. I don't get lonely and have an active friend group for socialization and individual hobbies to keep my brain sharp.

2. I socialize every weekend and enjoy going out to bars/concerts/sporting events. A few of my friends are also childfree, so I expect these friendship to last. We take friend trips to party hotspots like Ibiza and Miami. I've traveled to 50+ countries and solo travel regularly to more adventurous destinations.

3. I'm average looking (biggest negative is that I'm short) and not sleeping with lots of women. I chat up cute women and have the occasional fling, but I don't really chase that often. It's rare for me to really like somebody a lot. For the record, I had normal loving parents that stayed married to each other. I have platonic female friends and I socialize with them regularly 1 on 1. I have no romantic interest in them, but they're great people. My T levels are within the normal range, but I'm definitely less aggressive than my other single male friends.

4. I don't feel much pressure because I am 95% sure that I don't want kids. Nothing about kids looks enjoyable and most of my friends seem overwhelmed. Deep down I am somewhat lazy and don't like being on demand for other people. I'm not willing to trade my personal interests and relaxation for the chaos of kids. I'd prefer a more active sex life, but based on conversations with my married friends, I am not sure the frequency is any better on that side of the fence. I'll probably get a vasectomy soon to ensure there aren't any surprises.

5. I have a normal 9-5 job that sounds cool and makes for good cocktail conversation. I live comfortably in DC and I'm on track to retire modestly by 50-55yo. Can't wait for complete freedom without job responsibilities tying me down to DC.

6. I think a lot of people get married due to social pressure or a biological urge to have kids and end up settling with whoever fits their timeline. There's very few people I would switch places with and my married friends do not seem happy. When I go on dates, it seems women my age are just looking for a financially sound sperm donor to pop out a kid while it's still possible. I'm on the apps, but only go on the occasional date to remind myself that I'm not missing out on anything.

I'd rate my overall happiness as about a 7/10. I recognize I am probably missing out on some euphoric highs, but also a lot of the stress and lows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Narcissist or gay.

+1 sounds ghey

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is basically me (41yo) and I have no plans to change it unless I met somebody amazing. Never had a long term relationship.

1. I'm an only child and very used to being alone. I enjoy coming home to my quiet apartment and watching/eating whatever I want. I don't get lonely and have an active friend group for socialization and individual hobbies to keep my brain sharp.

2. I socialize every weekend and enjoy going out to bars/concerts/sporting events. A few of my friends are also childfree, so I expect these friendship to last. We take friend trips to party hotspots like Ibiza and Miami. I've traveled to 50+ countries and solo travel regularly to more adventurous destinations.

3. I'm average looking (biggest negative is that I'm short) and not sleeping with lots of women. I chat up cute women and have the occasional fling, but I don't really chase that often. It's rare for me to really like somebody a lot. For the record, I had normal loving parents that stayed married to each other. I have platonic female friends and I socialize with them regularly 1 on 1. I have no romantic interest in them, but they're great people. My T levels are within the normal range, but I'm definitely less aggressive than my other single male friends.

4. I don't feel much pressure because I am 95% sure that I don't want kids. Nothing about kids looks enjoyable and most of my friends seem overwhelmed. Deep down I am somewhat lazy and don't like being on demand for other people. I'm not willing to trade my personal interests and relaxation for the chaos of kids. I'd prefer a more active sex life, but based on conversations with my married friends, I am not sure the frequency is any better on that side of the fence. I'll probably get a vasectomy soon to ensure there aren't any surprises.

5. I have a normal 9-5 job that sounds cool and makes for good cocktail conversation. I live comfortably in DC and I'm on track to retire modestly by 50-55yo. Can't wait for complete freedom without job responsibilities tying me down to DC.

6. I think a lot of people get married due to social pressure or a biological urge to have kids and end up settling with whoever fits their timeline. There's very few people I would switch places with and my married friends do not seem happy. When I go on dates, it seems women my age are just looking for a financially sound sperm donor to pop out a kid while it's still possible. I'm on the apps, but only go on the occasional date to remind myself that I'm not missing out on anything.

I'd rate my overall happiness as about a 7/10. I recognize I am probably missing out on some euphoric highs, but also a lot of the stress and lows.

Not reading all this but a middle aged single man on a mommy blog is odd

[Anonymous]

I knew a guy like this. He liked smart women who would serve him. He dated smart women who all eventually decided he was ridiculous. In his mid 40s he found a woman who was pretty smart but seemed like a housewife from the 1960s. They married and seem happy more than ten years later.

[Anonymous]

My brother is like this. ADHD, occasional bi-polar issues. Owns his own house but has never had a well paying job. Just maintains a very simple, frugal lifestyle. He hasn’t had a decent long term relationship in 20 years. Women kind of pop in and out his life, but they never consider him for the long term. He doesn’t really want the stress of a relationship and knows his ADHD tends to burn out relationships quickly. So, he just stays the fun friend for everyone.

He is happy enough. Has never mentioned wanting anything more. I respect him for it.