Tips for reinvigorating sex life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people are really lucky, mature and choose well. I was not one of those people, but am working hard to become and attract a better partner.

If I could tell my younger self what I learned from my failed marriage- if you really want a great sex life and relationship, don’t get married. Girlfriends are awesome they see no flaws, hide their issues and want you to need them. Wives only see your flaws, blame you for their issues and they no longer want to feel needed, just desired by a man with no failures.

Marriage requires a level of forgiveness, vulnerability and honest communication that most people are uncomfortable accepting.

All that self reflection and improvement and you decided that the other person was the problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very good advice.

It might be obvious, but, generally, the more you’re intimate, the more you’ll want it.

I have a stronger drive that my wife, are intimate 1-2 per month. Given kids and work, 1 once a week is a realistic goal. However, my wife generally does it out of obligation, rushes it, and vanilla (unless kids are away). My goal it more meaningful. Any recommendations? I tell her it want to make it about her. Naturally low drive (even before premenopausal), uncomfortable with trying spice it up, doesn’t share preferences when asked, etc. Also, has never “O” —including solo. She assumes her body isn’t wired to.

Stop telling her that you want to make it about her. Having sex when you don’t want to is like eating when you aren’t hungry. If you just had a big meal and someone offers you food, you aren’t going to want it.

But okay, imagine that your wife just ate and your 8 year old comes over to your wife and is like “I made these cookies for you!” Your wife is probably going to take one, right? Not because she is suddenly hungry or because she really wants a cookie but because she loves your 8 year old.
It doesn’t matter what kind of cookie it is.

It’s the same thing with sex. Your wife is having sex with you because she loves you and she knows it’s important to you. Not because she is hungry. Pressuring her to tell you what kind of cookies she wants when she isn’t hungry isn’t going to make her excited to eat them. It’s going to make her irritated.

That makes a lot of sense.

Long term, I want to make sure she is hungry and like the flavor. Otherwise, I fear that it will always be out of obligation.