Tips for reinvigorating sex life

[Anonymous]

Today is National Whipped Cream day. Do with that information what you will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
-Spent some $ on freshening up our wardrobes. If you look good, you feel good

Probably a few others, but these are the main ones. We’re proof that you can revive a dead bedroom, I promise! Have you ever had similar success?

My wife had told me a while ago that I dress frumpy. I wasn't going to absolutely deny it but I was also a little put off by it. I DO like to dress comfortably and I'm not a fan of wearing suits. I do know that a lot of my shirts are old and i've put on some weight that I'm recommitting to take off... again. However, I did make the decision to go buy a new suit this past week that will fit properly and comfortably and now I can wear it to a work party that she has coming up. So hopefully that night ends in some fireworks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very good advice.

It might be obvious, but, generally, the more you’re intimate, the more you’ll want it.

I have a stronger drive that my wife, are intimate 1-2 per month. Given kids and work, 1 once a week is a realistic goal. However, my wife generally does it out of obligation, rushes it, and vanilla (unless kids are away). My goal it more meaningful. Any recommendations? I tell her it want to make it about her. Naturally low drive (even before premenopausal), uncomfortable with trying spice it up, doesn’t share preferences when asked, etc. Also, has never “O” —including solo. She assumes her body isn’t wired to.

Stop telling her that you want to make it about her. Having sex when you don’t want to is like eating when you aren’t hungry. If you just had a big meal and someone offers you food, you aren’t going to want it.

But okay, imagine that your wife just ate and your 8 year old comes over to your wife and is like “I made these cookies for you!” Your wife is probably going to take one, right? Not because she is suddenly hungry or because she really wants a cookie but because she loves your 8 year old.
It doesn’t matter what kind of cookie it is.

It’s the same thing with sex. Your wife is having sex with you because she loves you and she knows it’s important to you. Not because she is hungry. Pressuring her to tell you what kind of cookies she wants when she isn’t hungry isn’t going to make her excited to eat them. It’s going to make her irritated.

Thanks. I’ve likely irritated. At some point in the future, would be a good way to suggest, with pressuring, to subtly suggest maybe spicing it up?

Don’t be subtle. Be overt. Plan a date night, shower, get a new haircut, and tell her that you hope to get lucky that night!

Be like the kid telling his mommy that he loves her and he worked really hard on making a special cookie for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After becoming a mostly dead bedroom, DH and I committed to trying to improve things and have actually made a dramatic turnaround in our sex life over the past six months or so.

We went from probably 2x / month to 3x / week. Feel more connected than ever. Here’s what actually worked.

-Committed to daily walks no matter what. 8k to 10k steps. Great way to maintain the connection
-One small overnight weekend trip every few months. Small, easy trips. Time in a hotel with your partner always helps
-Completely opened things up in terms of communicating about what things we most enjoyed sexually. No shame, no embarrassment, complete openness and honesty. Added a few things as a result of this
-Cut out alcohol. Amazing for libido
-Spent some $ on freshening up our wardrobes. If you look good, you feel good

Probably a few others, but these are the main ones. We’re proof that you can revive a dead bedroom, I promise! Have you ever had similar success?

Thank you for making this post. Dead bedrooms are one of the main complaints on this forum and a real problem in many marriages. You’re the only person I’ve ever seen post something helpful.

When you say cutting out alcahol helped libido - how much drinking was there before? Was it mostly one partner’s drinking or both?

[Anonymous]

Try a local nudist colony. Perhaps something unexpected will spark the dead bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After becoming a mostly dead bedroom, DH and I committed to trying to improve things and have actually made a dramatic turnaround in our sex life over the past six months or so.

We went from probably 2x / month to 3x / week. Feel more connected than ever. Here’s what actually worked.

-Committed to daily walks no matter what. 8k to 10k steps. Great way to maintain the connection
-One small overnight weekend trip every few months. Small, easy trips. Time in a hotel with your partner always helps
-Completely opened things up in terms of communicating about what things we most enjoyed sexually. No shame, no embarrassment, complete openness and honesty. Added a few things as a result of this
-Cut out alcohol. Amazing for libido
-Spent some $ on freshening up our wardrobes. If you look good, you feel good

Probably a few others, but these are the main ones. We’re proof that you can revive a dead bedroom, I promise! Have you ever had similar success?

I am glad that worked for you.

What reinvigorated my sex life was divorcing my dud exDH and having sex with someone younger, hotter and happier. YMMV.

Ha, same here. Current partner is nearly 20 years younger than xH. Nice to have sex with someone who is actually interested in it.

You shouldn’t be having sex with “someone” if you’re not married to them

[Anonymous]

M and F tend to be opposites as far as frequency and resulting libido:

The more women “O” the more they want more, while with men, an “O” satisfies the urge for a while.

[Anonymous]

Watch Heated Rivalry in bed together. It woke up our dead bedroom. Now I need them fi release a whole bunch of new episodes. Super hot!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After becoming a mostly dead bedroom, DH and I committed to trying to improve things and have actually made a dramatic turnaround in our sex life over the past six months or so.

We went from probably 2x / month to 3x / week. Feel more connected than ever. Here’s what actually worked.

-Committed to daily walks no matter what. 8k to 10k steps. Great way to maintain the connection
-One small overnight weekend trip every few months. Small, easy trips. Time in a hotel with your partner always helps
-Completely opened things up in terms of communicating about what things we most enjoyed sexually. No shame, no embarrassment, complete openness and honesty. Added a few things as a result of this
-Cut out alcohol. Amazing for libido
-Spent some $ on freshening up our wardrobes. If you look good, you feel good

Probably a few others, but these are the main ones. We’re proof that you can revive a dead bedroom, I promise! Have you ever had similar success?

I’m sorry, but your example isn’t really fitting. Having sex twice a month doesn’t count as a dead bedroom.
You will see plenty of discussions here about sexless marriages, like where couples go a year or longer without any sex. That’s what people refer to as a dead bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After becoming a mostly dead bedroom, DH and I committed to trying to improve things and have actually made a dramatic turnaround in our sex life over the past six months or so.

We went from probably 2x / month to 3x / week. Feel more connected than ever. Here’s what actually worked.

-Committed to daily walks no matter what. 8k to 10k steps. Great way to maintain the connection
-One small overnight weekend trip every few months. Small, easy trips. Time in a hotel with your partner always helps
-Completely opened things up in terms of communicating about what things we most enjoyed sexually. No shame, no embarrassment, complete openness and honesty. Added a few things as a result of this
-Cut out alcohol. Amazing for libido
-Spent some $ on freshening up our wardrobes. If you look good, you feel good

Probably a few others, but these are the main ones. We’re proof that you can revive a dead bedroom, I promise! Have you ever had similar success?

I’m sorry, but your example isn’t really fitting. Having sex twice a month doesn’t count as a dead bedroom.
You will see plenty of discussions here about sexless marriages, like where couples go a year or longer without any sex. That’s what people refer to as a dead bedroom.

Its still a helpful post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After becoming a mostly dead bedroom, DH and I committed to trying to improve things and have actually made a dramatic turnaround in our sex life over the past six months or so.

We went from probably 2x / month to 3x / week. Feel more connected than ever. Here’s what actually worked.

-Committed to daily walks no matter what. 8k to 10k steps. Great way to maintain the connection
-One small overnight weekend trip every few months. Small, easy trips. Time in a hotel with your partner always helps
-Completely opened things up in terms of communicating about what things we most enjoyed sexually. No shame, no embarrassment, complete openness and honesty. Added a few things as a result of this
-Cut out alcohol. Amazing for libido
-Spent some $ on freshening up our wardrobes. If you look good, you feel good

Probably a few others, but these are the main ones. We’re proof that you can revive a dead bedroom, I promise! Have you ever had similar success?

I’m sorry, but your example isn’t really fitting. Having sex twice a month doesn’t count as a dead bedroom.
You will see plenty of discussions here about sexless marriages, like where couples go a year or longer without any sex. That’s what people refer to as a dead bedroom.

For some, including myself, it’s not sexless. However, it’s dead bedroom in the sense that it’s out of obligation, not pleasurable, boring, unexciting, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Watch Heated Rivalry in bed together. It woke up our dead bedroom. Now I need them fi release a whole bunch of new episodes. Super hot!

I don't know if Heated Ruvalry is the one for us but I do want to find some sexy shows and movies

[Anonymous]

The thing that worked for me was finding a man younger and more equipped and skilled than my husband. Helped us both tbh.

[Anonymous]

Some people are really lucky, mature and choose well. I was not one of those people, but am working hard to become and attract a better partner.

If I could tell my younger self what I learned from my failed marriage- if you really want a great sex life and relationship, don’t get married. Girlfriends are awesome they see no flaws, hide their issues and want you to need them. Wives only see your flaws, blame you for their issues and they no longer want to feel needed, just desired by a man with no failures.

Marriage requires a level of forgiveness, vulnerability and honest communication that most people are uncomfortable accepting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After becoming a mostly dead bedroom, DH and I committed to trying to improve things and have actually made a dramatic turnaround in our sex life over the past six months or so.

We went from probably 2x / month to 3x / week. Feel more connected than ever. Here’s what actually worked.

-Committed to daily walks no matter what. 8k to 10k steps. Great way to maintain the connection
-One small overnight weekend trip every few months. Small, easy trips. Time in a hotel with your partner always helps
-Completely opened things up in terms of communicating about what things we most enjoyed sexually. No shame, no embarrassment, complete openness and honesty. Added a few things as a result of this
-Cut out alcohol. Amazing for libido
-Spent some $ on freshening up our wardrobes. If you look good, you feel good

Probably a few others, but these are the main ones. We’re proof that you can revive a dead bedroom, I promise! Have you ever had similar success?

I am glad that worked for you.

What reinvigorated my sex life was divorcing my dud exDH and having sex with someone younger, hotter and happier. YMMV.

Ha, same here. Current partner is nearly 20 years younger than xH. Nice to have sex with someone who is actually interested in it.

You shouldn’t be having sex with “someone” if you’re not married to them

Or someone who could be your child.