Husband and friend trips

[Anonymous]

There isn’t much you can do. You just look at this guy and realize you are on your own with being responsible for three kids. It is what it is. Sooner or later, even the good guys flake out

[Anonymous]

Sure, just ask him to figure out how the kids will get too and from school so you can work, and tell him that you will also be taking that amount of time away and he’ll be solo parenting at the time.

[Anonymous]

As a guy, I can't imagine not want to use that time for trips with my DW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a guy, I can't imagine not want to use that time for trips with my DW.

Right? And without your kids? I get a lot more leave than my wife, but most years I use the extra to take trips with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:12-15 days is a typical amount of vacation for a new white collar employee at a non-prestige US employer.

To me, with my fancy MBA, that's half my annual discretionary vacation. Of course I get a lot of holidays (as much as feds, because my employer is unionized).

It's 3 work weeks.

It's not insignificant.

Nowhere does she say 3 work weeks. She just says 3 trips of 4-5 days. These could do over long weekends etc. we don’t know how many vacation days he is using.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Three week-long trips without wife and kids (when it's not for work) is a LOT. One long weekend with friends would be reasonable for EACH spouse. But for a week? No. Three times in a year? No. He wanted a family, now he's got one. He needs to be a family man, not dip in and out when it's fun.

She said 4 or 5 days and she didn’t say they were during the week. They could be long weekends.

And I don’t think a parent who is away for 12-15 days and parents the other 350+ is someone who is dipping in and out when it’s fun or not caring about their family!

It would be interesting to hear the story of the people commenting. For example, my husband and I are an equal team when we are home together. He doesn't sit on his phone or hide in his office or exercise weaponized incompetence on a regular basis so I have no problem with him taking multiple trips with his friends every year because he is totally present when he's at home. If he was effectively taking "time off" when he was at home, I could see not wanting him to be gone/taking time off other times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not the time of life for him to be taking those trips. He needs to wait until the kids are older/out of the house.

You think parents should wait 18 years before taking trips with their friends?!? That's insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:12-15 days is a typical amount of vacation for a new white collar employee at a non-prestige US employer.

To me, with my fancy MBA, that's half my annual discretionary vacation. Of course I get a lot of holidays (as much as feds, because my employer is unionized).

It's 3 work weeks.

It's not insignificant.

It's almost like you're unclear how calendars work (which, for someone with an MBA, is slightly surprising). Earlier this year I spent four days with my college friends down in NC (where we went to school). One day was a holiday, two days were a weekend, so I only took one day off work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous[b wrote:]My DH would never even consider one trip, let alone 4 in one year. I have to encourage my DH to spend more time with his friends[/b]. How many vacation days does he have? Is he spending most of them on himself? I would not be ok with this arrangement unless we had family or a nanny on call to help out AND he spent more of his vacation time with his family AND he was ok with me doing the same.

To be clear, this doesn't seem healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dh has been twice in 2 years for 4 days for a big reunion.

Anymore would be too many specially with all the things you have to end up doing.

For YOU, maybe. My husband takes multiple trips a year with his friends, as do I. It's not too many for us, but we have a good marriage and good communication skills and can work it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a guy, I can't imagine not want to use that time for trips with my DW.

Right? And without your kids? I get a lot more leave than my wife, but most years I use the extra to take trips with the kids.

I think it's important to spend time without our spouse and kids, with our spouse and without our kids, with our spouse and kids, and without our spouse with our kids. So does my husband. So that's what we do. Sure, leave and money are finite, but we've never had problems organizing time away, whether alone, with our friends, or together, so that we all get what we need. This past year I had four trips with friends. In total, I used three vacation days because most of the trips were scheduled around other holidays (i.e. MLK weekend). My husband used four vacation days for his trips with friends.

[Anonymous]

When we were younger with young kids we had a number of bachelor / bachelorette weekend trips and I had a significant amount of work travel. We’d ask our parents/in laws to come help during those times, but we also had a full time nanny who was helping out too.

Do you guys have a trusted babysitter who can help out?

3 trips if thursday night to Sunday seem ok to me, but if they are weeklong that’s ridiculous. Maybe 1 weeklong trip but honestly neither DH nor I have taken a week long friends trip. If we’re going somewhere for a week, we go together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Three week-long trips without wife and kids (when it's not for work) is a LOT. One long weekend with friends would be reasonable for EACH spouse. But for a week? No. Three times in a year? No. He wanted a family, now he's got one. He needs to be a family man, not dip in and out when it's fun.

She said 4 or 5 days and she didn’t say they were during the week. They could be long weekends.

And I don’t think a parent who is away for 12-15 days and parents the other 350+ is someone who is dipping in and out when it’s fun or not caring about their family!

It would be interesting to hear the story of the people commenting. For example, my husband and I are an equal team when we are home together. He doesn't sit on his phone or hide in his office or exercise weaponized incompetence on a regular basis so I have no problem with him taking multiple trips with his friends every year because he is totally present when he's at home. If he was effectively taking "time off" when he was at home, I could see not wanting him to be gone/taking time off other times.

I have no problem with my husband taking trips as well, but we discuss the timing and logistics before it's decided. And I don't have three kids in three different schools including a toddler like OP does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not the time of life for him to be taking those trips. He needs to wait until the kids are older/out of the house.

You think parents should wait 18 years before taking trips with their friends?!? That's insane.

Yep.
Along w waiting 18 years before they finally divorce from their miserable marriages

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:12-15 days is a typical amount of vacation for a new white collar employee at a non-prestige US employer.

To me, with my fancy MBA, that's half my annual discretionary vacation. Of course I get a lot of holidays (as much as feds, because my employer is unionized).

It's 3 work weeks.

It's not insignificant.

It's almost like you're unclear how calendars work (which, for someone with an MBA, is slightly surprising). Earlier this year I spent four days with my college friends down in NC (where we went to school). One day was a holiday, two days were a weekend, so I only took one day off work.

^^^ this. Often, even when I travel for work I arrange departure time so I can drop the kids at school even on a day I’m “traveling”. OP has been asked for several clarifying details and hasn’t responded