Feeling so defeated after deferral. This is a good year for ED.

[Anonymous]

This thread is really sad. Nobody taking the high road. Everybody saying that the process was unfair and favored a bunch of cheaters or the other agenda. You’re all pathetic.

[Anonymous]

PP here. The other “gender” I meant.

By the way, I looked at the Instagram pages on another post where so many of these decisions are posted and I don’t see a single school where the only gender being admitted is one or the other

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had twins last year. One got in ED, the second was waitlisted ED to the same school (despite having the same stats if not a bit better) and then went on a long trail of many RD waitlists and rejections and some acceptances. It was incredibly hard. Ended up at a decent school but not a particularly great fit and is thinking of transferring.

Sometimes this all works out easily, sometimes it doesn't--despite doing everything right, having all the correct stats, etc. It is truly a lottery.
There is no way to guarantee a preferred outcome or make sure it happens the way you want it too. You just have to support your kid through the process, keep the emotion low and help them see the best in the choices they're given.

Do you think the child who didn't get I to the ED school just couldn't get past it? Is there something you would advise doing differently? Wondering if they chose a school in the end that was wildly different than the ED preferred school? I hope he/she finds a place they love. TYIA

I'm happy to share more!
It was hard to not get into the same ED school as your twin. They are going to accepted student events and you are not and at this school there were multiple accepted student things. It was hard as a parent because at these events we were meeting all the kids who were chosen instead of our kid. We were emailed several times by the regional admissions rep "Congrats, can't wait to meet you!" and all I felt like saying "what was wrong with my second kid... and why won't you knowledge receipt of their LOCI emails? (x 2 and the rep never even acknowledged getting the emails).

Advice:
-Don't count on an ED deferral turning into an admission. I know at the time you cling to the hope but for most top 30 schools the chance of a deferral turning into a RD admit can be 5%. I don't know anyone who was successful at a top college last year unless they were a legacy. The rest of the kids I know were never admitted.
-APPLY WIDELY in RD because that is when the true crap-shoot begins. I know on DCUM there are a few posters who jump in and say "kid was rejected in ED but then got into 4 Ivies" but that is exceedingly rare. My kid and most we knew were rejected to most RD schools because the acceptance rates even at places like Vandy, BC, ND, etc all drop in RD, often to under 5% and in some cases under 3% (just to give some examples.) Even if it's 10%, 90% of those kids are not getting in. My son ended up with some good options because we applied everywhere in RD. Two of the top choices were places we had never visited and weren't on the radar at all until apps were due in Jan.
Good luck!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's been a tough 48 hours in our house as DD deals with ED disappointment. It is made worse that her classmate who is known to cheat got in. Trying to explain that cheaters sometimes do win really stings.

No dog in this fight but a documented cheater at our school was admitted ED while others with higher stats were shut out.

Cheating is like using steroids. Eventually your body gets used to the steroids and stops producing its own testosterone and when you have to stop using the steroids, you're cooked.

Your kid is levelling up, the cheaters are getting a temporary power up but will never learn 2 play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's been a tough 48 hours in our house as DD deals with ED disappointment. It is made worse that her classmate who is known to cheat got in. Trying to explain that cheaters sometimes do win really stings.

Sour grapes.

It is really hard but help your kids not focus on/gossip about the kids at their school who got into their ED choices. Unfortunately it is a zero sum game, there are very few spots, but focusing on that with your friends/classmates will really sour senior year which will only make it worse. There is a lot of road left in the admissions process, RD results can be surprising and in a couple of months some of the kids who got in ED will feel like they settled . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is really sad. Nobody taking the high road. Everybody saying that the process was unfair and favored a bunch of cheaters or the other agenda. You’re all pathetic.

Agreed that it’s overkill to write off the entire process as being cheaters. There are just many more kids with the stats than spots at some of these colleges. My kid was rejected ED in 2024 at a very popular school that just released ED this year. It was tough. She had the stats to get a look but it wasn’t enough. And yes, some kids who got in were probably rich, legacy, whatever without the stats. But we recognize that there are so many that are just that much more amazing than my kid! This year that school admitted a regular awesome kid that we know. No hooks, etc. They are not all cheaters.

[Anonymous]

Released this *week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At DC’s private school, all of the girls who applied to W&M have been deferred, and all the boys who applied got in. They are annoyed.

OP, just because there *seems* to be a general trend that it’s a good year for ED doesn’t make it true, and certainly doesn’t make it true in the granular level of a specific school or specific kid. It’s always rough when your kid is deferred and it feels like a lot of their friends were accepted, but there are so many variables involved, from student-specific ones to school-specific ones, that you really have to try to view it as not personal, even though of course it feels intensely personal.

Help your child by allowing them some time and space to feel disappointed and then help them refocus on ED2 or RD apps and moving forward.

How on earth do you not only know this but that they’re all “annoyed?”

You really need to step back.

Because that’s what my kid told me yesterday, I’m just passing it on. It’s a small private school. The kids talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is really sad. Nobody taking the high road. Everybody saying that the process was unfair and favored a bunch of cheaters or the other agenda. You’re all pathetic.

Agreed that it’s overkill to write off the entire process as being cheaters. There are just many more kids with the stats than spots at some of these colleges. My kid was rejected ED in 2024 at a very popular school that just released ED this year. It was tough. She had the stats to get a look but it wasn’t enough. And yes, some kids who got in were probably rich, legacy, whatever without the stats. But we recognize that there are so many that are just that much more amazing than my kid! This year that school admitted a regular awesome kid that we know. No hooks, etc. They are not all cheaters.

Of course they aren’t all cheaters. And my kid got in to their school, so no sour grapes here. But things have shifted a bit since the Stone Age when I was in HS. Some kids at the top of the class cheat and don’t hide it. Not all! But some. There was no one like this at the top my HS class but we didn’t have the temptation of AI and smart phone photos of tests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP. I know how you feel. But it can turn around. My oldest was rejected ED two years ago and then did really well in the RD round. I think you just have to feel the disappointment and then shake it off.

Same!! My kid was deferred in ED to a T10 and got into several T20 in RD. Redid the focus of the application, though, and rethought essays/framing.
At ivy now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last year- my kid rejected ED. Deferred ED2. Deferred at 2 of his top EA schools. Got into great schools in RD and ended up with 2 amazing final options- is thriving at one of those (ED2 deferral school). It’s a slog but stick with it!

My 2025 kid (my second of 3) never got the "amazing final options" last year and I know a number of other kids like this. It was a slog to the end, a couple of less-than-ideal choices and they're now probably going to transfer.

SO it can also NOT work out despite having all the top grades, rigor, scores, extracurriculars, etc.
Just keep this in mind. Not to be a downer but be prepared for anything. It's such a random process.

tbh you have to redo/rethink the entire application and nobody wants to that.
Today's very short (25 min) The Game podcast is very helpful to think about the framing and differentiation that's needed in RD.

[Anonymous]

In the same boat. Deferral from a T10.

Anticipate every scenario from the start of the senior year. Got in ED, great. If not, continue working on your applications.

Mid year report becomes important if deferred or rejected. DC has been working hard on her high rigor courses this semester, looks like she will have top grades, and will not change her RD school list, or common app.

[Anonymous]

Hang in there, everyone. I hope your kids wind up somewhere that turns out to be great for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had twins last year. One got in ED, the second was waitlisted ED to the same school (despite having the same stats if not a bit better) and then went on a long trail of many RD waitlists and rejections and some acceptances. It was incredibly hard. Ended up at a decent school but not a particularly great fit and is thinking of transferring.

Sometimes this all works out easily, sometimes it doesn't--despite doing everything right, having all the correct stats, etc. It is truly a lottery.
There is no way to guarantee a preferred outcome or make sure it happens the way you want it too. You just have to support your kid through the process, keep the emotion low and help them see the best in the choices they're given.

Do you think the child who didn't get I to the ED school just couldn't get past it? Is there something you would advise doing differently? Wondering if they chose a school in the end that was wildly different than the ED preferred school? I hope he/she finds a place they love. TYIA

I'm happy to share more!
It was hard to not get into the same ED school as your twin. They are going to accepted student events and you are not and at this school there were multiple accepted student things. It was hard as a parent because at these events we were meeting all the kids who were chosen instead of our kid. We were emailed several times by the regional admissions rep "Congrats, can't wait to meet you!" and all I felt like saying "what was wrong with my second kid... and why won't you knowledge receipt of their LOCI emails? (x 2 and the rep never even acknowledged getting the emails).

Advice:
-Don't count on an ED deferral turning into an admission. I know at the time you cling to the hope but for most top 30 schools the chance of a deferral turning into a RD admit can be 5%. I don't know anyone who was successful at a top college last year unless they were a legacy. The rest of the kids I know were never admitted.
-APPLY WIDELY in RD because that is when the true crap-shoot begins. I know on DCUM there are a few posters who jump in and say "kid was rejected in ED but then got into 4 Ivies" but that is exceedingly rare. My kid and most we knew were rejected to most RD schools because the acceptance rates even at places like Vandy, BC, ND, etc all drop in RD, often to under 5% and in some cases under 3% (just to give some examples.) Even if it's 10%, 90% of those kids are not getting in. My son ended up with some good options because we applied everywhere in RD. Two of the top choices were places we had never visited and weren't on the radar at all until apps were due in Jan.
Good luck!!

Thanks. You said that he was thinking about transferring now. What kind of school did he end up at and what about that choice isn't a fit?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's been a tough 48 hours in our house as DD deals with ED disappointment. It is made worse that her classmate who is known to cheat got in. Trying to explain that cheaters sometimes do win really stings.

Sour grapes.

That’s not “sour grapes”. NP.