DS does not have friends at large state school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He has a girlfriend and he is happy with the state of his relationship.

He is in a (still) high demand major. He is not clubbing, smoking, doing drugs, drinking, whoring around. He is safe in his room (less chance to be killed by a shooter in USA).

All is good.

Jesus Christ.

[Anonymous]

OP, I could have written most of your post. My college junior son is similar (no gf though). He seems satisfied with his college and no complaints so I don’t t pry too much but I wish he had ventured into more activities, clubs. He’s in one club and has some friends, but these college buddies (in my mind) won’t come close to the tight friendships he has with his HS friends. And all of these HS friends seem the same as my son….the large group are together every break, summer, visit friends in college. I love them and hope they stay friends for life, but I am hoping he makes a few lifelong college friends as well. What I have noticed, is that college has made him more practical minded; he knows it’s expensive and is set on getting out w a degree to start the next phase in his life. I was the opposite; wanted to stay and party still. Ironically, my lifelong friends are from elementary school and adulthood, no college friends.

[Anonymous]

My DS is the opposite. He enjoyed high school but didn't want to hang out with kids outside of school. He played a couple of sports and had friends from those teams so he had kids to eat with at lunch.

He found a very nice friend group in college. He joined a club. Got a fake id. Drinks occasionally.

His social life is just different than mine or my wife's. He has no desire to party or meet up with kids when he is home. His people are his college friends and a handful of sports teammates from high school.

[Anonymous]

I think some of it is that everyone only has time for so many "close friends." And college demands so much of kids these days: studying, clubs, internships, etc. In my experience it's far more than when I was as student.

So then these kids only have time to keep and develop close friendships with XX number of people. If this group is high school friends then there is less time for college friends (and vice versa). It's really hard to have deep friendships all over unless you're super high energy and can keep going 24/7 socially.

I would only really worry if your kid has no current friends from either stage of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's going to look back in 20 years and regret that he just existed in college instead of embracing the experience. I've noticed that men who join fraternities don't have these regrets. It's true with my cohort, and I see it with my own college kid (a fraternity man) and his old high school buddies when they reconvene at breaks. Get a bunch of old fraternity guys together even 50 years after graduation and it's nonstop reminiscing about parties, tailgates, girls, and various hijinks. Everyone is topping the last guy with a crazier story from the good old days when they were gods on campus and the world was their oyster. Can you imagine your son in 20 or 30 years trying to tell a crazy college story? "Well I had my headset on and I was deep into a wild game of Fortnite with my high school friends..." No thanks. I know he's a junior, but you should still encourage him to rush.

I can’t imagine something more pathetic. This whole post must be AI. No human is this much of a loser.
-Chi Psi /Alpha Omicron Delta class of ‘89

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's going to look back in 20 years and regret that he just existed in college instead of embracing the experience. I've noticed that men who join fraternities don't have these regrets. It's true with my cohort, and I see it with my own college kid (a fraternity man) and his old high school buddies when they reconvene at breaks. Get a bunch of old fraternity guys together even 50 years after graduation and it's nonstop reminiscing about parties, tailgates, girls, and various hijinks. Everyone is topping the last guy with a crazier story from the good old days when they were gods on campus and the world was their oyster. Can you imagine your son in 20 or 30 years trying to tell a crazy college story? "Well I had my headset on and I was deep into a wild game of Fortnite with my high school friends..." No thanks. I know he's a junior, but you should still encourage him to rush.

I can’t imagine something more pathetic. This whole post must be AI. No human is this much of a loser.
-Chi Psi /Alpha Omicron Delta class of ‘89

Chi Psi is rarely top tier.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm now that I think about it several guys I know who went to large state universities do not have friends from those universities. They weren’t Greek and they didn’t play a sport in college. Meanwhile a bunch of us from private colleges had our college friends in our wedding parties. We’re old now. No one cares. And since college they do have friends from work sports leagues extended family friends etc. Maybe the alert uni’s are impersonal and hard to connect if you aren’t involved in something deeply? tBH I think it’s fine OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm now that I think about it several guys I know who went to large state universities do not have friends from those universities. They weren’t Greek and they didn’t play a sport in college. Meanwhile a bunch of us from private colleges had our college friends in our wedding parties. We’re old now. No one cares. And since college they do have friends from work sports leagues extended family friends etc. Maybe the alert uni’s are impersonal and hard to connect if you aren’t involved in something deeply? tBH I think it’s fine OP.

Bullcrap. How would you know this ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's going to look back in 20 years and regret that he just existed in college instead of embracing the experience. I've noticed that men who join fraternities don't have these regrets. It's true with my cohort, and I see it with my own college kid (a fraternity man) and his old high school buddies when they reconvene at breaks. Get a bunch of old fraternity guys together even 50 years after graduation and it's nonstop reminiscing about parties, tailgates, girls, and various hijinks. Everyone is topping the last guy with a crazier story from the good old days when they were gods on campus and the world was their oyster. Can you imagine your son in 20 or 30 years trying to tell a crazy college story? "Well I had my headset on and I was deep into a wild game of Fortnite with my high school friends..." No thanks. I know he's a junior, but you should still encourage him to rush.

Pause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's going to look back in 20 years and regret that he just existed in college instead of embracing the experience. I've noticed that men who join fraternities don't have these regrets. It's true with my cohort, and I see it with my own college kid (a fraternity man) and his old high school buddies when they reconvene at breaks. Get a bunch of old fraternity guys together even 50 years after graduation and it's nonstop reminiscing about parties, tailgates, girls, and various hijinks. Everyone is topping the last guy with a crazier story from the good old days when they were gods on campus and the world was their oyster. Can you imagine your son in 20 or 30 years trying to tell a crazy college story? "Well I had my headset on and I was deep into a wild game of Fortnite with my high school friends..." No thanks. I know he's a junior, but you should still encourage him to rush.

God I’m glad there’s more to my life than when I rushed 45 years ago. These guys embarrass me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm now that I think about it several guys I know who went to large state universities do not have friends from those universities. They weren’t Greek and they didn’t play a sport in college. Meanwhile a bunch of us from private colleges had our college friends in our wedding parties. We’re old now. No one cares. And since college they do have friends from work sports leagues extended family friends etc. Maybe the alert uni’s are impersonal and hard to connect if you aren’t involved in something deeply? tBH I think it’s fine OP.

Bullcrap. How would you know this ?

You’re not very smart are you?
Brother
Brother in law
Other brother in law
DHs best man
DHs other groomsman / close friend
Colleague at work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's going to look back in 20 years and regret that he just existed in college instead of embracing the experience. I've noticed that men who join fraternities don't have these regrets. It's true with my cohort, and I see it with my own college kid (a fraternity man) and his old high school buddies when they reconvene at breaks. Get a bunch of old fraternity guys together even 50 years after graduation and it's nonstop reminiscing about parties, tailgates, girls, and various hijinks. Everyone is topping the last guy with a crazier story from the good old days when they were gods on campus and the world was their oyster. Can you imagine your son in 20 or 30 years trying to tell a crazy college story? "Well I had my headset on and I was deep into a wild game of Fortnite with my high school friends..." No thanks. I know he's a junior, but you should still encourage him to rush.

I can’t imagine something more pathetic. This whole post must be AI. No human is this much of a loser.
-Chi Psi /Alpha Omicron Delta class of ‘89

Agree, but it’s not AI. It’s DCUM’s resident sad old man who relives his fraternity days all over this forum. He’s become a joke.

[Anonymous]

It’s state school. go in, get the degree, and go live life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm now that I think about it several guys I know who went to large state universities do not have friends from those universities. They weren’t Greek and they didn’t play a sport in college. Meanwhile a bunch of us from private colleges had our college friends in our wedding parties. We’re old now. No one cares. And since college they do have friends from work sports leagues extended family friends etc. Maybe the alert uni’s are impersonal and hard to connect if you aren’t involved in something deeply? tBH I think it’s fine OP.

Totally opposite from what I see among friends. Those who went to large state schools seem to have the tightest and longest lasting friendships. They take trips with college friends and have them in their weddings. Meanwhile, I found my small private school to be insular and dull after seeing the same people day in and day out. Wish I had attended a larger school like my own kids did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s state school. go in, get the degree, and go live life.

I mean if that’s all you want why not just go community college for 2 years, transfer for the last two and attend while commuting from your HS bedroom?? That’s what DCUM means right? When you say it doesn’t matter where you go to college?