Midlife Sartorial Ennui

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread title - A++++

As for the sentiment, I understand.

All the above!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 43. I don’t feel this way at all based on midlife but I did feel that way at certain times and phases of life.

- does your partner care about or react to you dressing up? Not having a husband who ever took me out on dates or complimented me made me not try very hard.
- having little kids made me not care very much either. They’re older now and I have more time for myself. I was also a SAHM for years.
- being overweight also made not trying on clothes very fun. I lost weight and now I love showing it off.

I am divorced, have an enthusiastic partner, and feel more sexy and beautiful than ever. I think the difference is confidence.

This doesn’t sound like confidence TBH. It sounds like you’re pretty insecure and need external validation / like random people looking at you. Which is normal for your teens and 20s or if otherwise “single and looking” but if you’re settled and married and happy and still saying “I love showing it off” that’s not really healthy IMO.

It sounded like confidence to me. You are the one who sounds insecure, with the need to post this. DP

Maybe? I’m 30, just had a different take on it. Could be generational.

I don’t really care what PP thinks. I should have said confidence and happiness, because getting out of an emotionally abusive marriage does wonders for both!

[Anonymous]

I had a lot more fun shopping and trying on outfits when l had a small waist. I’ve never been very thin, but healthy and had a small waist to hip ratio until late 40s. I exercise a lot but am not willing to starve myself or go on a GLP for now at least.


Dressing was fun, now it’s an obligation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. This really kicked off during covid after years of wearing suits, nice dresses, heels etc. I have been fully remote since and changed jobs to a casual field. I basically dress to be on camera from the waist up and go on long dogs walks. I wouldn't say I look a mess or anything, but I have a few different uniforms and I buy things I like in multiple colors/patterns. So from here until spring I will be in jeans, a sweater, and either boots or sneakers 99% of the time. I kind of like it though, it's very easy and much more comfortable than my previous life.

Covid is a part of this for me, too. I turned 41 during the first Covid summer and had a 1 yo. Was unsure of my body size for a few years and essentially wore athleisure with jewelry to look decent on camera. Now am back in the office 3 days a week and have resigned myself to a wardrobe of flattering, quality neutrals. I’m not overweight but am 15 pounds heavier than I was in my 20s and 30s.

[Anonymous]

I feel this way even though I am thin and have an "easy to dress" body.

I think part of it is just having been around long enough to really question spending money on clothes, because I remember in my 20s and 30s buying so many things thinking "I'll wear this a ton" or "this will never go out of style" and it's usually just not true. As I've gotten older I've reverted to more actually "timeless" fashion, but the truth is that it's timeless because it's pretty boring and nondescript -- straight cut jeans, striped tees, sweaters and jackets in neutral shades, etc. Like your basic middle age mom uniform.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel this way even though I am thin and have an "easy to dress" body.

I think part of it is just having been around long enough to really question spending money on clothes, because I remember in my 20s and 30s buying so many things thinking "I'll wear this a ton" or "this will never go out of style" and it's usually just not true. As I've gotten older I've reverted to more actually "timeless" fashion, but the truth is that it's timeless because it's pretty boring and nondescript -- straight cut jeans, striped tees, sweaters and jackets in neutral shades, etc. Like your basic middle age mom uniform.

+1 Fashion is no longer a way to “express myself,” it’s a means to an end!

[Anonymous]

I think this article by Kathy Horn was posted at the time, but relevant : https://www.thecut.com/article/cathy-horyn-how-i-lost-and-found-my-personal-style.html

[Anonymous]

What about upscale loungewear to supplement whatever other changes you make? You will feel luxe.

Maybe pick one or two days a week where you kick things up a notch in terms of effort. Instead of sneakers, wear ballet flats. Instead of leggings, wear pants. For me, comfort is key, so my happy place is tailored pants with a bit of stretch, either elastic waist or the overall material has a bit of give, or whatever.

Wear some jewelry. If that’s too much to deal with, identify key pieces you’ll just put on every day if you don’t want to think about it.

I agree with PP who said clothing is bad now. The quality, some of the styles. Poke around in your closet and identify your favorites. Get them back into rotation.

If you make an effort and make that part of a weekly routine—not every day—you may jumpstart your interest again.

[Anonymous]

I think once you age and lose your looks no amount of fashion and clothing will help you feel beautiful.

[Anonymous]

I'm too tired to care. I dress appropriate for the occasion and don't care if it's boring.

[Anonymous]

SAHM here..... I'm at home most of the time. When I'm home I'm just in sweats cleaning the house and walking the dog and cooking. Then when I have to go to out on errands, etc., I change clothes and then immediately change into the sweats again when I come home. I'd say that 95% of my life needs to be in clothes that NEED to be schlubby because of what I'm doing, such as cleaning a shower or bathtub.

[Anonymous]

This is maybe controversial. But whenever I have a crush, i really step up my style.

I'm married and have never cheated and the crushes probably don't know (there are people I work with or Dads I see on the playground). But it absolutely helps motivate me to look a bit better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think once you age and lose your looks no amount of fashion and clothing will help you feel beautiful.

But "put together" still works!

[Anonymous]

Right there with you, OP. I'm 47 and my interest in fashion has waned. I just want to be comfortable, honestly. Jeans and a cashmere sweater and nice boots is simple and comfortable for me. I also bought ZERO clothes in 2024 except one pack of underwear to replace some that was worn out and it sort of cured me of the constant need to buy.

I am thinking about spending all that money I used to spend on clothes on a nice watch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Right there with you, OP. I'm 47 and my interest in fashion has waned. I just want to be comfortable, honestly. Jeans and a cashmere sweater and nice boots is simple and comfortable for me. I also bought ZERO clothes in 2024 except one pack of underwear to replace some that was worn out and it sort of cured me of the constant need to buy.

I am thinking about spending all that money I used to spend on clothes on a nice watch.

This is nice, simple style. I'm not bored and dress like that too! I don't think dressing nicely means following trends or buying things all the time.