Midlife Sartorial Ennui

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound depressed OP. I hope you get some support. Maybe you need to exercise more?

I'm 46 and still enjoy putting daily outfits together from my wardrobe. A daily walk and toga sessions does wonders!

Yeah I was that way at 46. 47 was when I started to turn a corner.

I’m 53 and feel sort of the same., I put on weight with menopause and it’s so hard to find anything that fits well or is flattering plus everything is made like crap. And I have so many dresses and things that just hand in my closet so when I do get tempted to buy a dress, I end up pulling myself back. I am more likely to wear well tailored pants (do they exist???), nice sweaters, nice belts, etc.

I think part of the natural flow of aging is that you start to realize how many trends you’ve burned through and it starts to feel old, so there’s a natural tendency to tend to more classic cuts and styles.

Llle a Pp I wish I had bought more 20 years ago (and in larger sizes)—I have a lot of great stuff that doesn’t fit anymore. Even today I wore a silk button down that was just a crappy Macy’s store brand from 20 years ago—but it’s well tailored and the silk is great quality in a gorgeous color. I’ve been looking for shirts like that and they are really hard to find.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clothing is terrible now. Abjectly terrible.

I do think this has a lot to do with it. Everything is smocked and drop shouldered and whatever it takes to make it easy on mass manufacturers not to have to tailor anything. So nobody looks fabulous unless you spend a good bit more money (on a cut/style to begin with and then on tailoring) and are a ton more selective. It's just so much work!

Correct. Everything is baggy and shapeless. Every time I get a compliment on something it's 20 years old. Today I wore a pencil skirt and blouse from Forever 21 circa 2006. When I check out new clothes I never buy anything.

+1

I went to Tysons about a month ago with the goal of finding some new clothes for fall. I was excited and super motivated as I've lost like 70 pounds and I love shopping and clothes. I did not find a single thing I wanted to buy. And I spent hours and went just about everywhere. From Nordstrom to Free People, and everywhere in between. Nada.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 50ish, I'm feeling invisible, no matter what I wear. That has affected my interest in what I wear, unfortunately. I used to love fashion, too. Now I like the energy to care much about it.

This is weird. Don't you dress for yourself?

Yes, I dress for myself. You can be affected by this mid-life invisibility without some kind of blind dedication to pleasing the male gaze. Do you always feel the need to talk down to people on the internet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 57 and still love clothes and dressing up. I'm more frustrated at how much harder it is to find well-made clothes these days. For a night out last weekend, I pulled out a pair of black velvet Theory trousers that I bought in the 00s . . . the fit is amazing, and the fabric is beautiful. I'd be hard pressed to find something like that off the rack right now, and I wish I had saved more stuff like that over the years.

These pants sound great. I also have some wonderful clothes from the 90s, LOL, and they held up perfectly. (Nothing stupidly trendy ... but blazers, coats, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Menopause is when I started not caring OP. It's been really freeing in a way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound depressed OP. I hope you get some support. Maybe you need to exercise more?

I'm 46 and still enjoy putting daily outfits together from my wardrobe. A daily walk and toga sessions does wonders!

Yeah I was that way at 46. 47 was when I started to turn a corner.

I’m 53 and feel sort of the same., I put on weight with menopause and it’s so hard to find anything that fits well or is flattering plus everything is made like crap. And I have so many dresses and things that just hand in my closet so when I do get tempted to buy a dress, I end up pulling myself back. I am more likely to wear well tailored pants (do they exist???), nice sweaters, nice belts, etc.

I think part of the natural flow of aging is that you start to realize how many trends you’ve burned through and it starts to feel old, so there’s a natural tendency to tend to more classic cuts and styles.

Llle a Pp I wish I had bought more 20 years ago (and in larger sizes)—I have a lot of great stuff that doesn’t fit anymore. Even today I wore a silk button down that was just a crappy Macy’s store brand from 20 years ago—but it’s well tailored and the silk is great quality in a gorgeous color. I’ve been looking for shirts like that and they are really hard to find.

I have also gained some weight in menopause, all in my middle, and for peace of mind I've accepted that this is my shape now. I cleaned out a closet this weekend and unearthed some very old favorites that were just....shocking compared with what's in stores now. E.g., a suit from Ann Taylor, purchased almost 30 years ago--beautifully tailored and 100% tropical-weight wool! Sadly, much too small now.

Sorry, I know I sound like an old fart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At 50ish, I'm feeling invisible, no matter what I wear. That has affected my interest in what I wear, unfortunately. I used to love fashion, too. Now I like the energy to care much about it.

Same, sister. And my body used to be super easy to dress, I could find just about anything off the rack and it would fit. Now that I'm a bit lumpy, it's too much work for little return.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else have this? I used to love clothes and fashion so much -- it was an easy way for me to boost and maintain my mood. I've always been a budget shopper so there was game aspect of it too, creating the looks I wanted and finding quality items for less.

I dress sooooooo boring now. I miss that feeling I used to get about a cute outfit. But also: my job is full time remote and most of my calls aren't even on screen so I don't dress for the office at all anymore. DH and I have regular date nights but I have a hard time getting excited about dressing for these even, I don't know why.

I think part of it is that I stopped wanted attention? Like I think I avoid wearing cute things now because I almost do not want to draw attention to myself by putting that kind of effort in? It feels embarrassing somehow. I can't tell if this is coming from me and just feeling like a more private person, or if I've internalized some BS about being a middle aged woman and how I'm "supposed" to dress. I do feel like a lot of the moms at my kids' school just dress sort of invisibly, and maybe I'm subconsciously buying into that. But then some people dress well and I always admire that so why don't I internalize the way those women dress instead.

I don't know, I'm rambling. I am trying to plan some outfits for upcoming events and just feeling so blah about it. Maybe I just don't like how I look anymore. I truly have no idea. Can anyone else relate to this? I'm 45 fwiw.

I'm with you and I stopped caring when I realized how bad clothes are for the environment. Shopping secondhand is so hit or miss that I don't bother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 43. I don’t feel this way at all based on midlife but I did feel that way at certain times and phases of life.

- does your partner care about or react to you dressing up? Not having a husband who ever took me out on dates or complimented me made me not try very hard.
- having little kids made me not care very much either. They’re older now and I have more time for myself. I was also a SAHM for years.
- being overweight also made not trying on clothes very fun. I lost weight and now I love showing it off.

I am divorced, have an enthusiastic partner, and feel more sexy and beautiful than ever. I think the difference is confidence.

This doesn’t sound like confidence TBH. It sounds like you’re pretty insecure and need external validation / like random people looking at you. Which is normal for your teens and 20s or if otherwise “single and looking” but if you’re settled and married and happy and still saying “I love showing it off” that’s not really healthy IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 50ish, I'm feeling invisible, no matter what I wear. That has affected my interest in what I wear, unfortunately. I used to love fashion, too. Now I like the energy to care much about it.

Same, sister. And my body used to be super easy to dress, I could find just about anything off the rack and it would fit. Now that I'm a bit lumpy, it's too much work for little return.

This ^^. So much this ^.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 43. I don’t feel this way at all based on midlife but I did feel that way at certain times and phases of life.

- does your partner care about or react to you dressing up? Not having a husband who ever took me out on dates or complimented me made me not try very hard.
- having little kids made me not care very much either. They’re older now and I have more time for myself. I was also a SAHM for years.
- being overweight also made not trying on clothes very fun. I lost weight and now I love showing it off.

I am divorced, have an enthusiastic partner, and feel more sexy and beautiful than ever. I think the difference is confidence.

This doesn’t sound like confidence TBH. It sounds like you’re pretty insecure and need external validation / like random people looking at you. Which is normal for your teens and 20s or if otherwise “single and looking” but if you’re settled and married and happy and still saying “I love showing it off” that’s not really healthy IMO.

It sounded like confidence to me. You are the one who sounds insecure, with the need to post this. DP

[Anonymous]

Love this OP. Feel the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 43. I don’t feel this way at all based on midlife but I did feel that way at certain times and phases of life.

- does your partner care about or react to you dressing up? Not having a husband who ever took me out on dates or complimented me made me not try very hard.
- having little kids made me not care very much either. They’re older now and I have more time for myself. I was also a SAHM for years.
- being overweight also made not trying on clothes very fun. I lost weight and now I love showing it off.

I am divorced, have an enthusiastic partner, and feel more sexy and beautiful than ever. I think the difference is confidence.

This doesn’t sound like confidence TBH. It sounds like you’re pretty insecure and need external validation / like random people looking at you. Which is normal for your teens and 20s or if otherwise “single and looking” but if you’re settled and married and happy and still saying “I love showing it off” that’s not really healthy IMO.

It sounded like confidence to me. You are the one who sounds insecure, with the need to post this. DP

Maybe? I’m 30, just had a different take on it. Could be generational.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Glad I'm not alone! Sorry we all feel this way. Sort of? Maybe it's fine? I truly don't know.

I am envious of those of you who still fit into clothes from your 20s and 30s. I have a couple blazers and tops from then that I can still fit, though one of the blazers is somewhat snug through the shoulder (largely from having bigger muscles, actually, which is nice but not helpful for the longevity of clothes). None of my skirts, pants, or dresses fit though because I've gone up a size on the bottom and also the shape of my midsection is too different. As others have noted, there's a bit of thickening around the middle that changes how clothes look on me.

You are inspiring me to maybe check out some consignment shops. Can people recommend the ones they like in this area? I feel like the ones I go in most often have clothes geared at women in their 20s and a lot of it just doesn't seem right for me anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound depressed OP. I hope you get some support. Maybe you need to exercise more?

I'm 46 and still enjoy putting daily outfits together from my wardrobe. A daily walk and toga sessions does wonders!

Yeah I was that way at 46. 47 was when I started to turn a corner.

I’m 53 and feel sort of the same., I put on weight with menopause and it’s so hard to find anything that fits well or is flattering plus everything is made like crap. And I have so many dresses and things that just hand in my closet so when I do get tempted to buy a dress, I end up pulling myself back. I am more likely to wear well tailored pants (do they exist???), nice sweaters, nice belts, etc.

I think part of the natural flow of aging is that you start to realize how many trends you’ve burned through and it starts to feel old, so there’s a natural tendency to tend to more classic cuts and styles.

Llle a Pp I wish I had bought more 20 years ago (and in larger sizes)—I have a lot of great stuff that doesn’t fit anymore. Even today I wore a silk button down that was just a crappy Macy’s store brand from 20 years ago—but it’s well tailored and the silk is great quality in a gorgeous color. I’ve been looking for shirts like that and they are really hard to find.

I am 47 and especially agree with this part - there's only so many times you can do a particular trend.

OP, I have a casual job and got into a bit of a frumpy rut. For me, I'm starting to make more of an effort to figure out what styles flatter me the best rather than necessarily being trendy, and nicer fabric makes a huge difference. Someone who is thin and fit can look good in everything, but a better fabric makes a huge difference for me. This doesn't always mean buying something expensive, but it does mean trying and returning. I like Poshmark for good deals, but you have to know your size in what you're looking for before you buy. And like another PP, I am also trying to shop less/be more of a minimalist. I'm not there yet, but I'm trying.