The destination wedding comes for us all eventually, doesn't it?

[Anonymous]

I hear you, OP. My nephew also is getting married out of the country in a place that isn't my first choice for travel. However, we're crazy about our nephew and we can afford to attend. Also, he hasn't had an actual wedding yet. Absent those factors, it would be far more of a tough decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grow up, OP.

You're an aunt. No one cares if you go. You're just hoping we all start dumping on your sister and the bride and groom for wanting to host a fun wedding. And by the way it's NOT a "destination wedding" if the bride's entire family lives there!

Exactly. OP isn’t very smart if this is her idea of a destination wedding. No dummy. That’s where the bride’s family is located.

[Anonymous]

Yeah I don't get what the big deal is. A couple of my cousins similarly married Europeans and had two weddings- one in the US and one in the spouse's home country. A few of my family members went to the European weddings but definitely not the majority. My parents, also an aunt/uncle in those situations, didn't feel obligated to travel to either.

[Anonymous]

1. Your DD has a work obligation and wants to attend the wedding. Not your problem.

2. Sounds like you don’t want to go, so don’t.

3. I’m sorry about the sister. I have a mentally ill sister who hoards, lies, and has paranoia. It’s exhausting. Best thing I ever did for my health was cut contact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For years, I've heard people complain about destination weddings. My reaction (not usually expressed aloud) has always been -- "So, go or don't go. What's the big deal?" Now I get it. Because .. . get ready for it .... my nephew is getting married next year in Spain. It will undoubtedly be lovely and festive, but, here's the thing; actually, a few things:

1) Four ago he and his lovely wife were married in a small ceremony in beautiful New England during the glory of fall. This was during COVID, so the wedding guest list was limited to about 40 family members who could be relied on to take appropriate health precautions. DH and I attended with our three adult kids. The wedding was super fun with dancing until late into the night. A good time was had by all and nobody got COVID.

2) The wedding in Spain will be attended by most of the bride's family, who live there.

3) The wedding date coincides with a major work-related event for my daughter. She is the only one of us (my nuclear family) who actually wants to attend. DH and I and our other two kids have been planning other travel around the time of the wedding, though nothing is written in cement at this point, so we could go.

4) My sister, the MOG, has been a real PITA recently, annoying the heck out of our nuclear family for reasons that are not related to the wedding and which I will not go into here because that would then require me to take a long walk, touch grass and meditate on the intention of compassion. I am trying very hard to isolate this part of the equation and not make the decision about whether to attend focus on this.

Thoughts (and prayers) are welcome.

This is not like most people’s issues with destination weddings at all. These are not logistical or financial or even scheduling problems. Stay home miserable and leave this couple alone.

[Anonymous]

Unless you would otherwise take a vacation, at that time, to Spain -- you don't go. If it were a sibling and only if it were their first marriage, I would go. That's where I'd draw the line. Nephew? No.

[Anonymous]

I get it OP. I completely understand what you are saying and the family dynamics, especially with your sister, that you are navigating. I do not want to share what you should do regarding your attending a 2nd wedding or not, but I do understand that no matter what you decide there will be a rippling effect. GL.

[Anonymous]

People don’t get to have a second wedding on another continent without expecting some people won’t make it. And in this case, they’ve already been married for four years!!

Just say you can’t go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You already went to their wedding. Obligation satisfied. This is just a party.

This. You presumably already gave a gift too. Send your regrets and put it out of your mind!

[Anonymous]

So don't go. I wouldn't, and I'm close to my siblings and their children, my nieces and nephews. But this, I would not be able to make happen. My sibling and I would just have to fight about it. Kidding, sorta. haha My point; I'm not afraid to set a boundary and enforce it with any of my family members.

[Anonymous]

Sorry you're in this position, OP. Logically, the thing to do is skip this wedding, and it would be fine to do so, but in situations like this I always hear Miss Manners saying that a wedding is not an opportunity to alienate your loved ones, and that makes things a little more complicated.

I hope your sister gets it together soon

[Anonymous]

I love weddings, and I love travel, and I love Spain! So for me it would be a no-brainer. OP, if you're already planning to travel at that time anyway, why not make Spain one of the stops on your itinerary? If you're planning travel in Europe, everything is close and easy once you're there. If you're going to Asia, it can be a halfway stop to break up the trip. In either case I'd make it happen just because it's a chance to meet their new Spanish family, see local and authentic Spanish culture, and have some fun. If your daughter can't make it, that's really up to her. And if your sister is a PITA, just try to avoid her as much as possible. Learn a little Spanish before you go too, so you can talk to people! And don't forget to try all the tapas!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, go or don’t go. What’s the big deal?

Seriously though I don’t understand.

Exactly. The drama! Though I laughed at the subject line.

Same.

We aren’t going, but sent a nice gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. So you already attended their actual wedding.

2. It’s not a destination; it’s the bride’s hometown.

3. Your adult kids decide whether they want to go. Not your problem.

4. MOG behavior should not influence whether you attend your nephew’s event.

Go or don’t go.

+1 nothing about this is hard and also it's not fair to call this a destination wedding. That's when they pick a place that is intentionally a pain for everyone, not a place that happens to be inconvenient for the OP but is local for many attendees!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grow up, OP.

You're an aunt. No one cares if you go. You're just hoping we all start dumping on your sister and the bride and groom for wanting to host a fun wedding. And by the way it's NOT a "destination wedding" if the bride's entire family lives there!

Exactly. OP isn’t very smart if this is her idea of a destination wedding. No dummy. That’s where the bride’s family is located.

The married bride's family is in Spain. That is a country and it's unknown if the wedding location is local for all or some of them or if it's an in-country destination. The New England fall foliage wedding attended by the OP and many of groom's family could have been a mini destination. So neither of the events for this couple might be at places where the couple or targeted guests live/lived.