Would you include MIL?

[Anonymous]

And she really is just difficult and unpleasant. When I was pregnant with my first child she constantly called me a geriatric mom. I was 29.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I went ahead and invited her. Ball is in her court. The irony is she is so much nicer to her other brother and DIL, who has never even checked in with her for a single holiday in the 5 years they have been married, Thanksgiving Easter or Christmas to see if she would like to join them. They simply spend every holiday with her ex husband.

Shaking my head. YOU are the problem. Let it go.

How am I the problem?
I feel bad for her because she’s absolutely alone with no family or friends and I will put up with her for 4 days so she’s not alone on Christmas. I don’t enjoy her company because she’s not very kind to me but I put up with it because letting a senior stay home alone on Christmas is sad.

Because you’re making this about YOU and YOUR judgment about what is okay and not okay. You’ve decided that it’s sad for MIL to be alone on Christmas. Maybe MIL is fine being alone. But you can’t accept that. So you’ve painted yourself as this martyr who has to suffer through MIL’s poor attitude just so she isn’t alone. It must be so painful to type with all those splinters from the cross you’ve built for yourself.

Exactly. If you insist on forcing her into your idea of family time, then don't complain when she's not happy about it, for God's sakes. Not everyone thinks like you, not everyone shares your idea of how much togetherness is acceptable, and that's a GOOD THING. We need a diversity of peoples and thought patterns in our species.

You're so incredibly judgemental, OP. Stop looking down on people who want to live their lives differently.

Then why even have kids? If you have no interest in them?

This is a red herring argument and you know it. Don't you dare use it against us lawyers of DCUM

We're telling you that you can't force your holiday and family ideals on this person. You wouldn't like it if someone else wanted to force their ideas on you, would you?

So stop complaining.

How is “let us know” forcing someone? She can decline. End. of. discussion.

I know right? Which means you don't get to complain and create a thread about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I went ahead and invited her. Ball is in her court. The irony is she is so much nicer to her other brother and DIL, who has never even checked in with her for a single holiday in the 5 years they have been married, Thanksgiving Easter or Christmas to see if she would like to join them. They simply spend every holiday with her ex husband.

Shaking my head. YOU are the problem. Let it go.

How am I the problem?
I feel bad for her because she’s absolutely alone with no family or friends and I will put up with her for 4 days so she’s not alone on Christmas. I don’t enjoy her company because she’s not very kind to me but I put up with it because letting a senior stay home alone on Christmas is sad.

Because you’re making this about YOU and YOUR judgment about what is okay and not okay. You’ve decided that it’s sad for MIL to be alone on Christmas. Maybe MIL is fine being alone. But you can’t accept that. So you’ve painted yourself as this martyr who has to suffer through MIL’s poor attitude just so she isn’t alone. It must be so painful to type with all those splinters from the cross you’ve built for yourself.

Exactly. If you insist on forcing her into your idea of family time, then don't complain when she's not happy about it, for God's sakes. Not everyone thinks like you, not everyone shares your idea of how much togetherness is acceptable, and that's a GOOD THING. We need a diversity of peoples and thought patterns in our species.

You're so incredibly judgemental, OP. Stop looking down on people who want to live their lives differently.

Then why even have kids? If you have no interest in them?

This is a red herring argument and you know it. Don't you dare use it against us lawyers of DCUM

We're telling you that you can't force your holiday and family ideals on this person. You wouldn't like it if someone else wanted to force their ideas on you, would you?

So stop complaining.

How is “let us know” forcing someone? She can decline. End. of. discussion.

I know right? Which means you don't get to complain and create a thread about it.

what, if you don’t want to read it you can see yourself out of the thread

[Anonymous]

I would invite her. If she accepts the invitation, I would have a quesadilla ready for her for the holiday dinner; it's so simple, why not? I'd just ignore any negativity.

[Anonymous]

Yes! she didn’t even reply, which is fine. I did my part.

[Anonymous]

Why not? After all, she is part of the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes I think it’s a good plan to let your husband handle this situation from now on and ask his mother if she wants to come or not.

Sounds fine w me too.

Unclear how old your kids are or if it’s 4 days again.

I assume more family friends come the rest of the 2-3 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And she really is just difficult and unpleasant. When I was pregnant with my first child she constantly called me a geriatric mom. I was 29.

Well you nearly were an elderly primagravida.

[Anonymous]

“I have to bend over backwards…”

Let me stop you right there, OP. Own it. Own your part in this, because you are the root cause of your own resentment.

1) You don’t have to bend over backwards for anyone; if anything, your husband can do any and all planning, care and feeding for his mother

2) If it makes YOU feel like a good host to go a bit above and beyond, you’re doing that for yourself, to keep yourself from feeling nonsensical guilt (or to make yourself feel nonsensical pride), so OWN YOUR PART IN THIS

3) Drop. The. Rope. Your husband can invite her, or not, and he can aim to please her, or not.