Would you include MIL?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I went ahead and invited her. Ball is in her court. The irony is she is so much nicer to her other brother and DIL, who has never even checked in with her for a single holiday in the 5 years they have been married, Thanksgiving Easter or Christmas to see if she would like to join them. They simply spend every holiday with her ex husband.

Shaking my head. YOU are the problem. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Between this thread and the other one about the DIL desperately contacting her unhappy self-centered MIL, I don't know why you guys behave like this.

Why do you bend over backwards? These MILs don't need anything from you. They just want to be left alone. And then you and the other OP will at one point hate your MILs, thinking they're ungrateful, when they never asked for anything in the first place.

Stop wanting to be the Main Character in everyone's lives.

[Anonymous]

I think 4 nights out of a whole long stay is ok. I do not get along great with mil and could suck it up, or maybe do one less day? It’d be different if she ruined your whole trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I went ahead and invited her. Ball is in her court. The irony is she is so much nicer to her other brother and DIL, who has never even checked in with her for a single holiday in the 5 years they have been married, Thanksgiving Easter or Christmas to see if she would like to join them. They simply spend every holiday with her ex husband.

Shaking my head. YOU are the problem. Let it go.

How am I the problem?
I feel bad for her because she’s absolutely alone with no family or friends and I will put up with her for 4 days so she’s not alone on Christmas. I don’t enjoy her company because she’s not very kind to me but I put up with it because letting a senior stay home alone on Christmas is sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I went ahead and invited her. Ball is in her court. The irony is she is so much nicer to her other brother and DIL, who has never even checked in with her for a single holiday in the 5 years they have been married, Thanksgiving Easter or Christmas to see if she would like to join them. They simply spend every holiday with her ex husband.

Shaking my head. YOU are the problem. Let it go.

Leave her alone. She’s fine. She invited her and won’t try to win her over or take things personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I went ahead and invited her. Ball is in her court. The irony is she is so much nicer to her other brother and DIL, who has never even checked in with her for a single holiday in the 5 years they have been married, Thanksgiving Easter or Christmas to see if she would like to join them. They simply spend every holiday with her ex husband.

People always ask more of the most giving and thoughtful child, and have different expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Between this thread and the other one about the DIL desperately contacting her unhappy self-centered MIL, I don't know why you guys behave like this.

Why do you bend over backwards? These MILs don't need anything from you. They just want to be left alone. And then you and the other OP will at one point hate your MILs, thinking they're ungrateful, when they never asked for anything in the first place.

Stop wanting to be the Main Character in everyone's lives.

It’s an invitation, she’s welcome to decline. I would not be upset. Never asked for anything? This is truly a sad generation of people where it’s common this she wants to be left alone and not spend any time with children or grandchildren. She’s alone 365 days a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I went ahead and invited her. Ball is in her court. The irony is she is so much nicer to her other brother and DIL, who has never even checked in with her for a single holiday in the 5 years they have been married, Thanksgiving Easter or Christmas to see if she would like to join them. They simply spend every holiday with her ex husband.

Shaking my head. YOU are the problem. Let it go.

How am I the problem?
I feel bad for her because she’s absolutely alone with no family or friends and I will put up with her for 4 days so she’s not alone on Christmas. I don’t enjoy her company because she’s not very kind to me but I put up with it because letting a senior stay home alone on Christmas is sad.

Because you’re making this about YOU and YOUR judgment about what is okay and not okay. You’ve decided that it’s sad for MIL to be alone on Christmas. Maybe MIL is fine being alone. But you can’t accept that. So you’ve painted yourself as this martyr who has to suffer through MIL’s poor attitude just so she isn’t alone. It must be so painful to type with all those splinters from the cross you’ve built for yourself.

[Anonymous]

A 7 foot tree? How big is her tree, lol

[Anonymous]

Why isn’t your DH doing the inviting? At this point, you have invited her. Now sit back and WAIT for a response. In 3 days, do not do a follow up to see if she feels like visiting. I would bet you hear nothing. Please update us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why isn’t your DH doing the inviting? At this point, you have invited her. Now sit back and WAIT for a response. In 3 days, do not do a follow up to see if she feels like visiting. I would bet you hear nothing. Please update us.

Yes that’s what I plan to do, no follow up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A 7 foot tree? How big is her tree, lol

She doesn’t have a tree at all. She’s in a smaller apartment, which no judgement but an odd thing to pick on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I went ahead and invited her. Ball is in her court. The irony is she is so much nicer to her other brother and DIL, who has never even checked in with her for a single holiday in the 5 years they have been married, Thanksgiving Easter or Christmas to see if she would like to join them. They simply spend every holiday with her ex husband.

Shaking my head. YOU are the problem. Let it go.

How am I the problem?
I feel bad for her because she’s absolutely alone with no family or friends and I will put up with her for 4 days so she’s not alone on Christmas. I don’t enjoy her company because she’s not very kind to me but I put up with it because letting a senior stay home alone on Christmas is sad.

Because you’re making this about YOU and YOUR judgment about what is okay and not okay. You’ve decided that it’s sad for MIL to be alone on Christmas. Maybe MIL is fine being alone. But you can’t accept that. So you’ve painted yourself as this martyr who has to suffer through MIL’s poor attitude just so she isn’t alone. It must be so painful to type with all those splinters from the cross you’ve built for yourself.

Exactly. If you insist on forcing her into your idea of family time, then don't complain when she's not happy about it, for God's sakes. Not everyone thinks like you, not everyone shares your idea of how much togetherness is acceptable, and that's a GOOD THING. We need a diversity of peoples and thought patterns in our species.

You're so incredibly judgemental, OP. Stop looking down on people who want to live their lives differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I went ahead and invited her. Ball is in her court. The irony is she is so much nicer to her other brother and DIL, who has never even checked in with her for a single holiday in the 5 years they have been married, Thanksgiving Easter or Christmas to see if she would like to join them. They simply spend every holiday with her ex husband.

Shaking my head. YOU are the problem. Let it go.

Or probably not. She would likely be upset not being invited. People like this want the invite at the min so if they do decline they at least feel like it was their choice.
How am I the problem?
I feel bad for her because she’s absolutely alone with no family or friends and I will put up with her for 4 days so she’s not alone on Christmas. I don’t enjoy her company because she’s not very kind to me but I put up with it because letting a senior stay home alone on Christmas is sad.

Because you’re making this about YOU and YOUR judgment about what is okay and not okay. You’ve decided that it’s sad for MIL to be alone on Christmas. Maybe MIL is fine being alone. But you can’t accept that. So you’ve painted yourself as this martyr who has to suffer through MIL’s poor attitude just so she isn’t alone. It must be so painful to type with all those splinters from the cross you’ve built for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say she’s tough on you. How is she tough on you? Because you take responsibility for her happiness? Drop the rope.

Don't do all those extra things just for her. Do what makes you and your family happy and she can enjoy it or not.

No I won’t and will be tuning out comments about the decor.

Good for you, OP. You are a kind person but even kind people get tired of being criticized and we owe it to ourselves and those who love us to back off when it is not being appreciated.