Dad thinks DS17 is a loser

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lacks motivation—doing poorly in school, spends tons of time on screens, or DCUM lacks motivation (not a 4.5 GPA superstar)?

What is doing poorly?

[Anonymous]

Dads can be very harsh on sons. But there is no need to overreact if he only said this in confidence to you. I have called my kids all sorts of things in frustration but everyone knows the love is there.

[Anonymous]

Your DH sounds narrow minded. Not doing Fall sports is not equal to being a loser. It's good your DH is in therapy, it's just a shame he's not that intelligent or emotionally intelligent. You can't learn that, it's inherent.

I would consider leaving him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DH sounds narrow minded. Not doing Fall sports is not equal to being a loser. It's good your DH is in therapy, it's just a shame he's not that intelligent or emotionally intelligent. You can't learn that, it's inherent.

I would consider leaving him.

"your DH thinks your kid is a loser... consider leaving him" what an asinine, idiotic comment

[Anonymous]

Wow, I can't imagine any parent saying their kid "lacks a personality". Something has gone deeply deeply wrong in your family and your son is not the problem here. You need counseling too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DH sounds narrow minded. Not doing Fall sports is not equal to being a loser. It's good your DH is in therapy, it's just a shame he's not that intelligent or emotionally intelligent. You can't learn that, it's inherent.

I would consider leaving him.

"your DH thinks your kid is a loser... consider leaving him" what an asinine, idiotic comment

NP. I don't agree. The DH is not in an involved parent and takes it a step further in verbally abusing their child. I would absolutely leave, but hey, you do you!
Serve your man- no matter the cost! No matter if it's at your child's expense!

[Anonymous]

He probably is a loser

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He probably is a loser

He's 17

It's not set in stone yet for him

Unlike OP's DH and you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DH sounds narrow minded. Not doing Fall sports is not equal to being a loser. It's good your DH is in therapy, it's just a shame he's not that intelligent or emotionally intelligent. You can't learn that, it's inherent.

I would consider leaving him.

"your DH thinks your kid is a loser... consider leaving him" what an asinine, idiotic comment

NP. I don't agree. The DH is not in an involved parent and takes it a step further in verbally abusing their child. I would absolutely leave, but hey, you do you!
Serve your man- no matter the cost! No matter if it's at your child's expense!

What? He said this to his wife, not the child. That's not verbal abuse.

[Anonymous]

Yes, what does "lacks a personality" even mean? That sounds even worse than calling names like loser. Great parents you both are. Not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I can't imagine any parent saying their kid "lacks a personality". Something has gone deeply deeply wrong in your family and your son is not the problem here. You need counseling too.

You can’t possibly know that. Have you met her son? Maybe he does lack a personality.

[Anonymous]

Both of you sound very negative about your son. Your husband’s label doesn’t actually sound worse to me than how you are describing this kid. I think both you and your husband need some counseling around how to connect with this kid and find things you like about your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what’s going on with your son? It sounds like things went pretty far downhill. As a parent of a kid who took a really bad turn starting in HS, it can be really demoralizing as a parent and hope waxes and wanes. My spouse and I used to always say it’s a good thing we tended to be on the opposite ends of the emotional roller coaster so that we could support each other.

And, there are plenty of things that kids do that would make me feel like they are a loser. Heroin or fentanyl use, violence, other illegal activity, bullying other kids, sexually assaulting someone. If it were my child doing those things or even on the road to doing them and I couldn’t talk to my spouse about that, I’d feel like I didn’t have a real partner.

Definitely none of that! I'd have no issue with the strong language if that was the case! Our son is just unmotivated, extremely lazy and lacks any personality. DH also does the bare minimum when it comes to parenting and engaging with him and I'm frustrated hearing his resentment when he doesn't do anything to meaningfully engage with him. Everything is reactive and a little too late. I see the same traits in DH that I see in DS. I think they both need intensive therapy!!

Maybe that’s why your DH reacted so strongly; he sees himself in your DS, or is projecting his own stuff. That’s not uncommon.

[Anonymous]

What is a loser?

Is it someone who doesn't live up to your expectations? Turn out the way you hoped? Isn't the popular kid?

The fact someone calls another person that should look in the mirror.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both of you sound very negative about your son. Your husband’s label doesn’t actually sound worse to me than how you are describing this kid. I think both you and your husband need some counseling around how to connect with this kid and find things you like about your kid.

Actually it sounds like they’re on the same page and have noticed that either something is wrong with their son or else he is really struggling.

Maybe they need to get the son into counseling or otherwise figure out how to actually help him, rather than pretend everything is fine except their own conclusions…