Dad thinks DS17 is a loser

[Anonymous]

This can be situational. Did DH give up on DS or did he say this voicing his frustration immediately after having lost his battle to talk DS into sports? Parenting can be frustrating, sometimes we give everything, don’t succeed, and then say stuff like that but it’s forgotten a few days after.

[Anonymous]

Divorce this dude and wrap your DS in love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce this dude and wrap your DS in love.

OP: dont listen to DCUMAD’s “Coven of Bitter Divorceés”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is a parent's job to look for the best in their children and seek to bring it out. When parents get rigid ideas about what kids should be like and reject their kids for failing to live up to that rigid expectation, they are failing as parents.

Your DH is being immature. This is his failure, not your son's. But it will hurt them both. I have two parents who never saw the best of me and viewed me instead as a disappointment instead of seeing what is wonderful about me. I have to work every single day to make up for that deficit because I grew up with such low self esteem and rejection.

People like this should not have children.

Yeah in some ways not even having parental attention is better than constantly being told you don’t measure up. I’m sorry you had to deal with this (still dealing with it).

[Anonymous]

Yes, son is 15 about to turn 16 and is a total a$$hole most of the time. Lazy, you name it. He previously has never been like this. His Dad hates who he's become and doesn't hide it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes. Your DH is the loser here.

+1

Trashy parent

Shouldn't open his mouth until he has been in therapy longer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is trash for this

This

[Anonymous]

Have your son enlist in the military. It will teach him discipline and no one will think he's a loser.

Also, why did you marry a loser? Just something for you to think about.

[Anonymous]

I understand because I often feel this way toward my DS. I never share with his father (we are divorced but friendly) and he doesn’t seem to have those same feelings which is great.
I don’t have the luxury to pull away from DS so I just keep churning. Hopefully he doesn’t know.

[Anonymous]

Why is it bad for a dad to see his son how the world will see him? Life will not be kind to an unmotivated lazy man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, son is 15 about to turn 16 and is a total a$$hole most of the time. Lazy, you name it. He previously has never been like this. His Dad hates who he's become and doesn't hide it.

I kind of feel like you’ve both failed if this is where you are. I don’t necessarily think venting to your spouse is wrong or that it’s wrong to express dissatisfaction with the negative attributes your child is displaying. But you all have time to work with your child and hopefully you do. As a PP said, the world isn’t kind to lazy a$$hole men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is it bad for a dad to see his son how the world will see him? Life will not be kind to an unmotivated lazy man.

Not OP but we aren’t our best in adolescence, esp teen years. Hopefully the kid will grow and change, that’s what I tell myself about my son.

[Anonymous]

You simultaneously say:

"DH also does the bare minimum when it comes to parenting and engaging with him and .... he doesn't do anything to meaningfully engage with him."

and

"Our son is just unmotivated, extremely lazy and lacks any personality."

It's almost like involved, loving parenting might help kids become motivated and dynamic. Who would have thought!?

Your poor son. This is abusive, in my opinion.

I hope once he's able to get out of your house, he can go no contact with both of you and rebuild his life.

[Anonymous]

Lacks motivation—doing poorly in school, spends tons of time on screens, or DCUM lacks motivation (not a 4.5 GPA superstar)?

[Anonymous]

So terrible! Give the kid a chance but yes, tell him when he turns 18, he’s an adult. He better get with it.