Friendship trouble: clear the air, or just move on?

[Anonymous]

You are too much work. It’s a you problem.

[Anonymous]

I had a friend that held grudges. She smothered me with expectations, did not express her emotions or communicate if she felt something was wrong in our relationship, thought she knew my schedule better than I did and was generally miffed I couldn’t read her mind. She reminds me a lot of you, OP. Grow up. Schedule conflicts happen. Don’t carry a grudge and try to prove a point. It’s way after the summer now. This is stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious about others responses. Similar situation. About two months ago, I had invited a couple we are friends with over for dinner. I love hosting and spent all day cooking. The wife canceled 15 min before they were supposed to arrive and sent only her husband. She claimed she wasn’t feeling well (allergies) and had been on the couch all day resting. I was so annoyed. Fine to cancel, but 15 min before you’re supposed to arrive is just so rude. I haven’t really seen her since and now wonder if it’s too late to bring up. I wanted to tell her it really hurt my feelings. I’m not one to make a big deal out of things but this really rubbed me the wrong way. When do you address it and when do you just let it go? She’s kinda flakey so it isn’t completely unexpected behavior.

OP here and I’m sorry. It’s kind of nice to read, though unfortunately that other people wonder the same thing. You’ve actually comforted me quite a lot, as I feared the responses would be “you’re needy” “so dramatic”. But this stuff happens and it’s hurtful.

Was the woman your friend or were you just friendly?

I would characterize her as a good friend. For example, my husband and I spoke at her wedding and she always gives my young daughter presents for birthday/christmas. We are good friends with her husband too. But texting me 15 min before to cancel really did hurt my feelings because I wanted to see her and I do care about her plus I had put all this work into making a nice dinner for us. I suspect something else may have been going on - perhaps she had gotten in a fight with her husband and so didn’t want to come. And if that was the case, just tell me the truth. I would have understood.

I don’t think you’re being needy and dramatic as others have jumped in and said. You’re allowed to have feelings. As I said, I usually don’t make a big deal about stuff but that instance did hurt me.

good lord, the woman wasn't feeling well! give her a break. and in this post covid age, it's normal to cancel if you are sick. that is the courteous thing to do. you never really know for sure if something is infectious. get over it already.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she caught wind of you badmouthing her or sharing details of her personal life (like the new man)