Guilt over assisted living for parent

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is everyone paying for these moves to facilities? Selling the house only gives you a few years of care, right?

Savings. Not everyone is poor.

+1

My MC/LMC parents (SAHP until youngest kid was 11, then secretary and the other was factory worker, often working nights to get the extra $1-2/hr) were extremely frugal, only times they had any debt was when nobody was working due to layoffs (think manufacturing in the 70s and early 80s---it was very cyclical). Yet they somehow managed to save save save and after selling their home (in a MCOLA) had over $850K for retirement (at age 75 they sold the house). But they drove crap cars and we literally went out to eat once every 2-3 weeks and then it was pizza (no drinks) or Sizzler (buffet). That was it, rest was their own garden and cooking everything themselves---we rarely had potato chips or snacks from the store. They also purchased LTC insurance

. They live nicer now at 75+ than they did most of the rest of their lives. They didn't want to be a burden (we are rich and happily support as needed), so they planned for it.

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11/10/2025 19:38

Subject: Guilt over assisted living for parent

quote

Anonymous

People pay for these moves by entering a facility in a low cost of living area.

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11/11/2025 13:00

Subject: Guilt over assisted living for parent

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Anonymous

Is your dad receptive to help that is not you? would he chase an aide away? if he's anything like my mom, noone else would fit the bill because she can't demand things and it's not to her liking and eventually they quit. Nursing home it was for her.

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11/13/2025 20:15

Subject: Guilt over assisted living for parent

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:The middle ground is to have help within your home. Can your father pay for this care? Does he have the funds for nursing home care? OP, this task is overwhelmingly difficult and especially, without an end in site. You need to think about if you got the flu or broke an arm, what would happen to your dad?

I agree. I am dealing with it right now. Fortuantely my parents saved some money and I can hire personal care aides but it is super expensive. If it goes on for 3 years it would completely exhaust their savings. I guess I would have to think about nursing home at some stage.