Does separated actually mean "separated"?

[Anonymous]

Im separated and have been dating someone for a year. My boyfriend has only been to my house once for a few reasons-
My kids dont know I'm dating
My ex lives a block down
The school bus stop is my house everyday whether my kids are at mom's or dad's. So ex and my kids are on the front lawn 8-830am and 4-430pm
Ex is still paying for a portion of the house and even though he was the one who cheated and caused the marriage to end, it feels weird to have a man in my house before I've bought it from ex officially.

However. I was completely honest about all this up front to my boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have know someone that was in similar relationship. Guy even introduced his two year old son as his nephew. Was married the entire time, they were together (roughly 2 years). Even talking about divorce. The only way she found out is coincidently his cousin got a job where she works and saw a picture of him on her desk at work.

They were so serious that she had a picture of him on her desk? That poor woman.

Yes they were ring shopping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im separated and have been dating someone for a year. My boyfriend has only been to my house once for a few reasons-
My kids dont know I'm dating
My ex lives a block down
The school bus stop is my house everyday whether my kids are at mom's or dad's. So ex and my kids are on the front lawn 8-830am and 4-430pm
Ex is still paying for a portion of the house and even though he was the one who cheated and caused the marriage to end, it feels weird to have a man in my house before I've bought it from ex officially.

However. I was completely honest about all this up front to my boyfriend.

Thanks for the long story that's nothing like ops situation

[Anonymous]

Yes. He's married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im separated and have been dating someone for a year. My boyfriend has only been to my house once for a few reasons-
My kids dont know I'm dating
My ex lives a block down
The school bus stop is my house everyday whether my kids are at mom's or dad's. So ex and my kids are on the front lawn 8-830am and 4-430pm
Ex is still paying for a portion of the house and even though he was the one who cheated and caused the marriage to end, it feels weird to have a man in my house before I've bought it from ex officially.

However. I was completely honest about all this up front to my boyfriend.

Thanks for the long story that's nothing like ops situation

It's insightful, don't be mean.

OP, even if your boyfriend was not a cheater or evading the law, but working for the CIA or something... would you be fine with a lifetime of this? You really shouldn't.

Please break up. This guy is bad news.

[Anonymous]

Can't you do some internet stalking and quickly find out about his life/address/wife/divorce etc?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does this guy take your phone call if you call between 6 and 9 on weeknights? Will he talk with you for 30 minutes or an hour?

Will he take your phone call on weekends?

Have you every tried to call him? Or does he insist on texting?

Did you verify his name and work place before started dating him? i.e. Does someone with his name work at the place that he says he works?

To be sure, no one talks for 30 minutes to an hour on the phone anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a relationship for about a year, person is great but some things are raising flags. Says divorce is imminent but there seems to be no movement. Will not spend the night. Never seen their place. Schedule only allows them to be available for short windows of time, usually on a weekend but sometimes on weekdays and never more than once a week or every 10 days. Won't make plans more than a few days in advance.

I'm a fool right. They aren't really separated are they?

Does not sound like a great relationship and sounds like major red flags. Do yourself a favor and run. In this case, I would say separated does not actually mean separated

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Separated and divorcing people:

spend entire days together.
spend weekends together.
make future plans.

I have been divorced 6 years. I have not done that and I dated someone 7 months. I have kids. I would spend one weekend day or one weekend night. That is it. Not entire days; not entire weekends. No future plans…I won’t ever remarry or cohabitate (I am a woman.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a relationship for about a year, person is great but some things are raising flags. Says divorce is imminent but there seems to be no movement. Will not spend the night. Never seen their place. Schedule only allows them to be available for short windows of time, usually on a weekend but sometimes on weekdays and never more than once a week or every 10 days. Won't make plans more than a few days in advance.

I'm a fool right. They aren't really separated are they?

Separated legally means that someone FILED for divorce, and started the separation clock. If children are involved it’s 6-12 mos minimum legal separation.

During the legal separation both parties mediate and divide up the assets, custody time, etc, then do it.

If one party isn’t actively participating or is high conflict, both sides lawyer up and it goes to family court litigation (only 5% of divorces do this costly route, takes more time and way more money/fees).

Up to you OP. Hard to believe you’ve let this get strung along for 6-12 mos.

[Anonymous]

Has either the dude or the wife filed for divorce? Did they pull the filing or never file or what Op?

[Anonymous]

Wrt a PP story, a man who would be married and take his girlfriend RING SHOPPING is a sociopath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a relationship for about a year, person is great but some things are raising flags. Says divorce is imminent but there seems to be no movement. Will not spend the night. Never seen their place. Schedule only allows them to be available for short windows of time, usually on a weekend but sometimes on weekdays and never more than once a week or every 10 days. Won't make plans more than a few days in advance.

I'm a fool right. They aren't really separated are they?

Separated legally means that someone FILED for divorce, and started the separation clock. If children are involved it’s 6-12 mos minimum legal separation.

During the legal separation both parties mediate and divide up the assets, custody time, etc, then do it.

If one party isn’t actively participating or is high conflict, both sides lawyer up and it goes to family court litigation (only 5% of divorces do this costly route, takes more time and way more money/fees).

Up to you OP. Hard to believe you’ve let this get strung along for 6-12 mos.

I’m not sure what state you live in, but it isn’t Maryland. That isn’t how things are done there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a relationship for about a year, person is great but some things are raising flags. Says divorce is imminent but there seems to be no movement. Will not spend the night. Never seen their place. Schedule only allows them to be available for short windows of time, usually on a weekend but sometimes on weekdays and never more than once a week or every 10 days. Won't make plans more than a few days in advance.

I'm a fool right. They aren't really separated are they?

Yes, they are playing you. You are the NSA sex, FWB. That's all you are. I've been there and done that. Never again. If you can't go to their place, end it now.

[Anonymous]

I think he’s married, but regardless…the fact that he won’t talk about it? Please move on. When it falls apart, you won’t be able to say that there were no red flags or signs.