Adult only destination wedding - what to do with kids?

[Anonymous]

Send regrets. But I hate weddings so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send regrets. They don't really want you there.

+1
This is how to interpret any destination wedding. The bride and groom have every right to be married anywhere in the world they want but by doing so they are sending the message bolded above to others.

Plus they sending an additional we really don't want you to come but politeness tells us we must vibe of adding in another layer by saying elementary age children are not welcome? How big or how intimate is their wedding that children would be a burden?

For some people, ALL children are a burden no matter the size or intimacy of the wedding. They are annoying, have to be supervised, usually need some sort of special dinner or acomodation and some don't have time for that. Your kid is not another person's responsibility to think of.

In our case we didn't invite kids because we got married later in life and we felt if any kids were included, all had to be included. Our guest count would have nearly doubled by including kids and the venue couldn't accommodate it. I will be honest, I also didn't want a wedding with over 40 kids. That's a lot to manage!

Yeah I totally get this- it can make a big difference if you get married before most of your siblings/cousins/friends have kids. And also your family size to begin with (e.g., I have over 20 first cousins, DH has 3). A couple of my younger cousins have had child-free weddings and I don't begrudge them at all- I've gone solo but if it wasn't going to work out I would have just send a gift. NBD.

OP, this is really a do-what-you-want-and-can-afford thing, there's no right or wrong answer.

[Anonymous]

If time and finances allowed, go and leave the kids with grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't think Europeans did "adults only" weddings.

Its a destination wedding IN Europe. Meaning... the people getting married are NOT from there.

Then they should not impose silly American traditions.

It is THEIR wedding, they get to choose the guest list. 99.9% chance they realize the destination and no kids means less attendees

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send regrets. They don't really want you there.

+1
This is how to interpret any destination wedding. The bride and groom have every right to be married anywhere in the world they want but by doing so they are sending the message bolded above to others.

So don't attend.

Seriously,
Many weddings we attend are not within a 1 hour drive of our home so they are "destination". We have friends all over the USA and world, and relatives as well. If we can attend we do, if not we send our regrets and go about our lives

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m having trouble fathoming a request that people travel to another continent to see me get married in this economy and also ask them to leave their children at home. Like who does this?

Not much difference than them choosing CA or PNW--it's a 6hour flight from drcum. Europe is only 6-7 hour flight.

Maybe I'm just used to having friends all over and their kids are growing up goign to college and landing elsewhere as well, or marrying someone from another state, so they pick a good location for them to get married.


Attend if you want and can afford it otherwise c and don't worry about it

[Anonymous]

Leave kids home. My parents love to babysit our 3. The only issue would be if my parents were invited. My in-laws don’t offer to babysit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send regrets. They don't really want you there.

+1
This is how to interpret any destination wedding. The bride and groom have every right to be married anywhere in the world they want but by doing so they are sending the message bolded above to others.

Plus they sending an additional we really don't want you to come but politeness tells us we must vibe of adding in another layer by saying elementary age children are not welcome? How big or how intimate is their wedding that children would be a burden?

For some people, ALL children are a burden no matter the size or intimacy of the wedding. They are annoying, have to be supervised, usually need some sort of special dinner or acomodation and some don't have time for that. Your kid is not another person's responsibility to think of.

Agreed! Just came back from a vacation at a very nice resort in Hawaii. Several "work rewards trips" were onsite. One had a group dinner of 45-50 adults at the fanciest restaurant on site. Many people had their kids with them. We went for our dinner--these kids (6 boys age 5-8) we running around in the lawn in front of the restaurant screaming and wild. They even chased a cat THrU the restaurant for 2-3 mins before the waitstaff finally had to say something. Th e parents did nothing.
It was obnoxious and rude to all the other guests who were trying to have dinner t this restaurant. Th e parents didn't care and the kids were terrors.

Just one example of why people do not want kids at their weddings--many parents don't parent and don't expect their kids to behave

[Anonymous]

C

[Anonymous]

Depends on the time of year. If during the summer, option B. If during the school year, option A and we have local family that DS is close to.

We are fortunate to have the time and PTO to make things like this work so we take advantage of it if we can make it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the time of year. If during the summer, option B. If during the school year, option A and we have local family that DS is close to.

We are fortunate to have the time and PTO to make things like this work so we take advantage of it if we can make it work.

Oops should say time and money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send regrets. They don't really want you there.

+1
This is how to interpret any destination wedding. The bride and groom have every right to be married anywhere in the world they want but by doing so they are sending the message bolded above to others.

Plus they sending an additional we really don't want you to come but politeness tells us we must vibe of adding in another layer by saying elementary age children are not welcome? How big or how intimate is their wedding that children would be a burden?

For some people, ALL children are a burden no matter the size or intimacy of the wedding. They are annoying, have to be supervised, usually need some sort of special dinner or acomodation and some don't have time for that. Your kid is not another person's responsibility to think of.

Agreed! Just came back from a vacation at a very nice resort in Hawaii. Several "work rewards trips" were onsite. One had a group dinner of 45-50 adults at the fanciest restaurant on site. Many people had their kids with them. We went for our dinner--these kids (6 boys age 5-8) we running around in the lawn in front of the restaurant screaming and wild. They even chased a cat THrU the restaurant for 2-3 mins before the waitstaff finally had to say something. Th e parents did nothing.
It was obnoxious and rude to all the other guests who were trying to have dinner t this restaurant. Th e parents didn't care and the kids were terrors.

Just one example of why people do not want kids at their weddings--many parents don't parent and don't expect their kids to behave

+1

Child free weddings are so much more enjoyable. We are more likely to decline to attend weddings with children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m having trouble fathoming a request that people travel to another continent to see me get married in this economy and also ask them to leave their children at home. Like who does this?

People plan the wedding they want. They invite you, if you don't want/can't afford to attend you send your No and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send regrets. They don't really want you there.

+1
This is how to interpret any destination wedding. The bride and groom have every right to be married anywhere in the world they want but by doing so they are sending the message bolded above to others.

Plus they sending an additional we really don't want you to come but politeness tells us we must vibe of adding in another layer by saying elementary age children are not welcome? How big or how intimate is their wedding that children would be a burden?

No they are saying "this is where we want to celebrate the start of our married life. Please join us if you are able". Don't know about you, but 80%+ of the weddings we attend are not local, as our family and friends are scattered throughout the country already. So we travel to most weddings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends on how close you are to the couple. Our very good friends got married at a destination when our first child was turning 1. We didn't feel right leaving her and missing her first birthday. Now, 15 years later I do regret not being there for them. But who knows I could regret going if I had made the opposite choice.

Me, I would have gone and celebrated my 1 yo before or after. It's not like the actual day matters that much. But it was definately your choice