People who get engaged/remarried super fast after divorce

[Anonymous]

I don’t get it either OP. I’ve been legally/financially separated for several years at this point and still can’t stomach the idea of even being in a committed relationship much less another whole husband. I feel that I already have a husband, even though we have no personal relationship anymore outside of amicably coparenting, and there is no way I could ever in good faith try to build a life/marriage with someone else. I have a nice man friend who I see when he’s in town once a month and who doesn’t ask too much of me or ever expect to meet my kids or even come to my house. That’s about as much as I can stomach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who have kids at home still and remarry quickly after divorce have psych issues and are unable to be alone. That’s my middle-aged take from observing many friends and acquaintances. Or maybe they never were into the original spouse in the first place. Kids and unwinding from a long marriage make things super complicated, so quick remarriage is an idiotic decision imo.

Exactly. My ex remarried someone 15 years younger within 4 months of our divorce after a 25-yr marriage. We had college-age and teen kids. His attempt at a "blended family" has been a disaster, the kids hate the new wife, are starting to hate him, and he can't figure out what went wrong. He is unable to be alone and unable to prioritize his kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woman and while I didn't get engaged after divorcing, I did hop back into dating very quickly (within a couple weeks of separating).

Even though we separated on that specific date, I had actually spent the last 3 years in therapy, processing our issues, trying to fix the relationship, realizing he wasn't going to change, grieving, healing, etc. So by the time I caught him cheating again, I wasn't emotional, wasn't upset, wasn't sad, didn't need to grieve, it was more feeling disappointed and then 100% ready to move on.

OP here. Dating I totally get! I've had many friends in crap marriages and I totally understand that you'd be ready to get out there. Especially in your case where you'd done a lot of work on yourself. But if you'd met a great guy and he'd proposed a few months after your divorce, would you have said yes? Or if you were dating a divorced guy and everything was going great but the divorce was still *fresh*, would you be willing to get engaged just a few months after the paperwork is signed?

I personally would not. I am all for people moving on and don't think people have to like stay at home and think about what they did or something. But you just had this marriage fall apart, you're really going to jump right back on the ride?

You missed the point of the above post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know of any divorces with kids that took less than two years. And in most cases, the relationship was over long before a divorce was initiated.

By the time mine is officially done, it will have been one month shy of 4 years, beginning on the official date when we decided we were separated.

Exactly my point. I said I didn’t know anyone who took less than two years. Mine was two years and it’s the shortest one I know of. Usually it is more than two years. I know couples where it took 2.5 years, 3 years and 5 years…one even 10 years.

[Anonymous]

People with NPD move on fast because they can't deal with their own emptiness.

[Anonymous]

I'm finally getting divorced after a six year separation! At first I hoped the separation would be a wakeup call for STBX in terms of getting him to addresses alcoholism and some mental health issues. Then I was just distracted and depressed. (Pandemic, some family health issues, work). I knew the marriage was unlikely to ever be a happy healthy one but I just did not have the energy to get divorced. We were living separately so it didn't seem that important. And I had no interest in dating, and could not imagine ever marrying again. Kids were already in college so it wasn't about the kids. I just didnt feel motivated to try to date. It felt absolutely exhausting, just thinking about it.

But, a year ago, I met someone great and that finally prodded me into moving forward with getting divorced. I had convinced myself I would never want another realtionship. But in hindsight that was depression speaking. I am so much happier now.

That being said I am also a little more cynical than I used to be. I love the man I am dating and can imagine us spending the rest of our lives together. But I can't imagine marrying him any time soon. Maybe in a few years, if we are still happy together. But doesn't feel like there's any rush.

[Anonymous]

My exDH had so many red flags, the least of which the speed with which he re-partnered. I am always surprised how many women are willing to ignore those red flags.

He remarried after me but is now recently divorced a second time.

[Anonymous]

I don't buy the "but the marriage was over a lot time ago" argument. Look at the comments on this thread talking about how it took 2, 4, 6 years to finalize the divorce, and how frustrating and unpleasant it was for that to be a drawn out process. It might have been years since you felt connected to and in love with your spouse, but the divorce itself is specifically the ordeal that you should take more time to move on from.

I cannot imagine getting engaged to someone who is like "yes my marriage has been dead for years and I just spent 2 solid years going through the separation process, dealing with the legal issues and division of property, learning to live on my own, etc." I can see *dating* someone in this situation if we really clicked, but if they wanted to get married less than a year after the paperwork was final, I'd gently suggest to them that their urgency to get married has more to do with their divorce than it does with the intensity of our connection.

Just realistically, it's about the divorced person wanting to turn the page, prove something to themselves or other, or make up for lost time. IMO, those are bad reasons to rush a relationship. They are actually good reasons to slow down and take some time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't buy the "but the marriage was over a lot time ago" argument. Look at the comments on this thread talking about how it took 2, 4, 6 years to finalize the divorce, and how frustrating and unpleasant it was for that to be a drawn out process. It might have been years since you felt connected to and in love with your spouse, but the divorce itself is specifically the ordeal that you should take more time to move on from.

I cannot imagine getting engaged to someone who is like "yes my marriage has been dead for years and I just spent 2 solid years going through the separation process, dealing with the legal issues and division of property, learning to live on my own, etc." I can see *dating* someone in this situation if we really clicked, but if they wanted to get married less than a year after the paperwork was final, I'd gently suggest to them that their urgency to get married has more to do with their divorce than it does with the intensity of our connection.

Just realistically, it's about the divorced person wanting to turn the page, prove something to themselves or other, or make up for lost time. IMO, those are bad reasons to rush a relationship. They are actually good reasons to slow down and take some time.

Ok. You haven't been divorced so you don't understand how it works. But go ahead and tell people who have been through it how they should feel.