People who get engaged/remarried super fast after divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle age goes by really fast. Some may see it best to just move on with things since there’s little healthy time left.

Yes. We live longer lives than before, but a lot of them are spent in illness. Best to make the most of the time you've got. Of course, you need to make some self-assessment of what happened and how you can be a better partner, and avoid people who aren't right for you. But sometimes it doesn't much time to do that, especially if, as posters explained, the relationship actually died years before the separation.

This sounds like what you tell yourself to put a positive spin on the fact that you felt panicked after your divorce that time was running out so jumped on the first person willing to put up with you with very minimal time for reflection, self-improvement, or making sure your kids are okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Prompted by seeing that Brittany Snow's husband is engaged just 5 months after their divorce.

Have known a few people IRL like this as well, including a guy who was married for 10+ years (no kids though) who started dating his now wife during the separation period, and then they were engaged in less than a year after the divorce.

I just could never marry someone in that situation. I don't care how much they tell me that it was a "dead marriage" and they should have divorced long ago blah blah blah, it's way too fast. How do you commit your entire life to someone who already committed their entire life to someone else and only left that person 5 months ago? What the heck?

They are either desperate.

Or they were seeing the person while married.

[Anonymous]

If I was to get divorced I'd wait a very long time to remarry...if ever. It would be a long "test market" to be sure the marriage would be a success. I think people go fast because they hate being alone and are needy, men more so than women.

[Anonymous]

Some divorces take years to finalize, which, for some people, is enough time to find a new partner, I guess.

[Anonymous]

I’m invited to a wedding of a friend who shacked up with his ex wife’s colleague/friend 4 months after separating. Bought a house together a year after that. Now engaged 2 years after that and it still feels gross because of the timeline, even though it’s a reasonable time to get engaged.

[Anonymous]

My childhood BF’s mom committed suicide when she was 13. Her father remarried 6 months later. It was very scandalous and my parents, who were very good friends with them, cut him off. I was angry about it for many many years until I came to the realization that he was probably scared and at a loss as to how to raise four kids alone. It’s actually given me a different perspective on quick remarriages - some people just don’t know how to be alone or raise kids by themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My childhood BF’s mom committed suicide when she was 13. Her father remarried 6 months later. It was very scandalous and my parents, who were very good friends with them, cut him off. I was angry about it for many many years until I came to the realization that he was probably scared and at a loss as to how to raise four kids alone. It’s actually given me a different perspective on quick remarriages - some people just don’t know how to be alone or raise kids by themselves.

Nah, men don’t get a free pass.

My mom bailed when we were young. My dad had been the breadwinner, and now had to work *and* raise 3 kids alone. He stepped up, was a great dad, and never even dated until we were well into our 20s.

Life happens, and if you’re not sure you can raise kids alone if something happens, don’t have them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My childhood BF’s mom committed suicide when she was 13. Her father remarried 6 months later. It was very scandalous and my parents, who were very good friends with them, cut him off. I was angry about it for many many years until I came to the realization that he was probably scared and at a loss as to how to raise four kids alone. It’s actually given me a different perspective on quick remarriages - some people just don’t know how to be alone or raise kids by themselves.

This is a very specific situation where it is understandable that you would sympathetic because he'd experienced a trauma -- not just losing his spouse suddenly but losing them in a traumatic way. You are right he was probably scared and at a loss because he was on his own as a dad and likely struggling to process his own loss.

That is very, very different than someone who remarries quickly after a divorce, which is what this thread is about. Most divorces do not result in you raising kids all by yourself. And yeah, people are scared to be alone. Welcome to being a human. That does not mean it is advisable to MARRY someone as soon as possible. It means you should make sure to stay connected to friends and family, potentially start testing the dating waters, and also, well yeah, get used to being alone sometimes and see how that feels.

I do not think your average recent divorced person should get the same leeway as a widower who has had his entire life turned completely inside out in the span of one day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My childhood BF’s mom committed suicide when she was 13. Her father remarried 6 months later. It was very scandalous and my parents, who were very good friends with them, cut him off. I was angry about it for many many years until I came to the realization that he was probably scared and at a loss as to how to raise four kids alone. It’s actually given me a different perspective on quick remarriages - some people just don’t know how to be alone or raise kids by themselves.

Nah, men don’t get a free pass.

My mom bailed when we were young. My dad had been the breadwinner, and now had to work *and* raise 3 kids alone. He stepped up, was a great dad, and never even dated until we were well into our 20s.

Life happens, and if you’re not sure you can raise kids alone if something happens, don’t have them.

Kudos to your dad, that's awesome.

I had an uncle who did that -- raised two girls on his own after their mom ran out on them. He never remarried, just dedicated himself to his kids who loved and adored him and happily took care of him in his old age. I am not against people getting remarried in situations like that, but I think of the way he found his happiness in his existing family, his kids, and turned that into a deeply fulfilling life. I think some people look at their kids with their ex as an obstacle to their personal happiness and fulfillment, and that's part of what drives these quickie remarriages. I think my uncle had it right, though. Your kids are yours no matter what, why not make them your focus?

[Anonymous]

I know a few people who spent more than 2 years (longest I know if is 5 years) fighting about their divorce / not getting divorced. I assume they dated during that time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Affair

Affair or no, it's dumb for the other person to *marry* them that fast

+1. That short of time is always an affair. And the same stupid selfish person who has an affair is also stupid enough to get remarried that fast.
Certain people just are too stupid to overcome/recognize limerence

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My childhood BF’s mom committed suicide when she was 13. Her father remarried 6 months later. It was very scandalous and my parents, who were very good friends with them, cut him off. I was angry about it for many many years until I came to the realization that he was probably scared and at a loss as to how to raise four kids alone. It’s actually given me a different perspective on quick remarriages - some people just don’t know how to be alone or raise kids by themselves.

This is a very specific situation where it is understandable that you would sympathetic because he'd experienced a trauma -- not just losing his spouse suddenly but losing them in a traumatic way. You are right he was probably scared and at a loss because he was on his own as a dad and likely struggling to process his own loss.

That is very, very different than someone who remarries quickly after a divorce, which is what this thread is about. Most divorces do not result in you raising kids all by yourself. And yeah, people are scared to be alone. Welcome to being a human. That does not mean it is advisable to MARRY someone as soon as possible. It means you should make sure to stay connected to friends and family, potentially start testing the dating waters, and also, well yeah, get used to being alone sometimes and see how that feels.

I do not think your average recent divorced person should get the same leeway as a widower who has had his entire life turned completely inside out in the span of one day.

As the kid in one of these situations- yes over the years I have come to empathize more with why my dad may the choice to remarry months after my mom died. (there was definitely no affair since we had moved to a different state). The issue is that the person who will marry someone with kids who lost their spouse months prior is often not … the most stable of people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a few people who spent more than 2 years (longest I know if is 5 years) fighting about their divorce / not getting divorced. I assume they dated during that time.

Very wealthy couple I know 30+ years married with a contentious divorce took 11 years. They definitely dated during that time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My childhood BF’s mom committed suicide when she was 13. Her father remarried 6 months later. It was very scandalous and my parents, who were very good friends with them, cut him off. I was angry about it for many many years until I came to the realization that he was probably scared and at a loss as to how to raise four kids alone. It’s actually given me a different perspective on quick remarriages - some people just don’t know how to be alone or raise kids by themselves.

This is a very specific situation where it is understandable that you would sympathetic because he'd experienced a trauma -- not just losing his spouse suddenly but losing them in a traumatic way. You are right he was probably scared and at a loss because he was on his own as a dad and likely struggling to process his own loss.

That is very, very different than someone who remarries quickly after a divorce, which is what this thread is about. Most divorces do not result in you raising kids all by yourself. And yeah, people are scared to be alone. Welcome to being a human. That does not mean it is advisable to MARRY someone as soon as possible. It means you should make sure to stay connected to friends and family, potentially start testing the dating waters, and also, well yeah, get used to being alone sometimes and see how that feels.

I do not think your average recent divorced person should get the same leeway as a widower who has had his entire life turned completely inside out in the span of one day.

I disagree widowers should get leeway.

If a woman’s husband died and she turned around and remarried in 6 months, she’d be crucified. Accused of having an affair, accused of putting her kids at risk for being SA’d, accused of never loving her husband, accused of not loving her kids, etc.

Everyone would tell her she needs to stay single, focus on her kids, grieve, heal, and then start dating again in 3-5 years, take it slow, don’t rush to get married (or don’t get married at all, can’t have strange men around your kids!)

I just don’t buy this BS that men are so clueless and helpless that they need a woman to manage their lives as quickly as possible. Certainly if men are that weak and helpless, they should not be in any positions of authority!

[Anonymous]

To be fair, I think your dates are wrong. They divorced in 2023 but he’s only been seeing this girl (apparently) since May. So quick engagement (too quick imo!) but not immediately post divorce. We basically saw him kissing all the other sunset women after the news broke so it’s not surprising he moved on quickly.