People who get engaged/remarried super fast after divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Prompted by seeing that Brittany Snow's husband is engaged just 5 months after their divorce.

Have known a few people IRL like this as well, including a guy who was married for 10+ years (no kids though) who started dating his now wife during the separation period, and then they were engaged in less than a year after the divorce.

I just could never marry someone in that situation. I don't care how much they tell me that it was a "dead marriage" and they should have divorced long ago blah blah blah, it's way too fast. How do you commit your entire life to someone who already committed their entire life to someone else and only left that person 5 months ago? What the heck?

Your example is a terrible one - they didn't have kids, they started dating during separation, which happens before the divorce, and they were engaged less than a year after the divorce was final - that all makes perfect sense, they dated for about a year all told and they were older and knew what they wanted/needed.

By the time people get divorced, and frankly even by the time they officially separate, they can be totally done and over the marriage, especially when they weren't kids. Using the date someone divorced is kind of useless, that's 6-12 months minimum from the date of separation, which isn't generally the first day something went wrong...

[Anonymous]

I don’t know of any divorces with kids that took less than two years. And in most cases, the relationship was over long before a divorce was initiated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woman and while I didn't get engaged after divorcing, I did hop back into dating very quickly (within a couple weeks of separating).

Even though we separated on that specific date, I had actually spent the last 3 years in therapy, processing our issues, trying to fix the relationship, realizing he wasn't going to change, grieving, healing, etc. So by the time I caught him cheating again, I wasn't emotional, wasn't upset, wasn't sad, didn't need to grieve, it was more feeling disappointed and then 100% ready to move on.

OP here. Dating I totally get! I've had many friends in crap marriages and I totally understand that you'd be ready to get out there. Especially in your case where you'd done a lot of work on yourself. But if you'd met a great guy and he'd proposed a few months after your divorce, would you have said yes? Or if you were dating a divorced guy and everything was going great but the divorce was still *fresh*, would you be willing to get engaged just a few months after the paperwork is signed?

I personally would not. I am all for people moving on and don't think people have to like stay at home and think about what they did or something. But you just had this marriage fall apart, you're really going to jump right back on the ride?

I think if men do it post-divorce, it’s to “lock her in” because the dating stage is tiring and expensive for men. If women marry quickly post-divorce, they probably have some Madonna/whore complex issue and feel that getting married seems better morally (to prove they’re not a slut). But everyone knows that doesn’t make it stable, right or even cares who she actually sleeps with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know of any divorces with kids that took less than two years. And in most cases, the relationship was over long before a divorce was initiated.

By the time mine is officially done, it will have been one month shy of 4 years, beginning on the official date when we decided we were separated.

[Anonymous]

Some sort of relationship 6-12 mos out I can understand- if being mindful about under 18 yo kids, but to get legally married!!?! No F way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know of any divorces with kids that took less than two years. And in most cases, the relationship was over long before a divorce was initiated.

And then you have munition husband who just last week threatened divorce when he refused to tell me or our tax accountant his anticipated income for the year (partnership bonus) for 1099 and 2024 tax purposes.

He response to me was to fly off the handle, threaten divorce and add “we can be divorced in two weeks time, it’s easy.”

[Anonymous]

Ugh. I met the most amazing person shortly after my ex moved out and we've been together a year. This thread makes me feel like everyone is going to look down on us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Different people have different ethics, you know? We knew a couple YEARS ago Brittany's husband was cheating on her, so clearly the relationship's been done for a long time. The actual divorce decree may be just paperwork at this point.

I don't think it's an ethics issue, unless there was an affair. Marriages are hard and I think many people who divorce spend years essentially separated emotionally. The marriage truly is over well before the actual divorce. They've mourned the marriage.

Life goes on.

I should say that I wouldn't want to.date or marry someone so soon after divorce, but I don't think it's an ethics issue necessarily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know of any divorces with kids that took less than two years. And in most cases, the relationship was over long before a divorce was initiated.

By the time mine is officially done, it will have been one month shy of 4 years, beginning on the official date when we decided we were separated.

I’m so sorry. What a nightmare.
Mine is just short of 2 years and I felt like I was dying through most of it. My cheating deadbeat exh just kept trying to take more and more from me and the kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. I met the most amazing person shortly after my ex moved out and we've been together a year. This thread makes me feel like everyone is going to look down on us.

How? I was an exhausted, demoralized, scared, overworked mess, raising kids, barely hanging on. How does one have time to meet someone and develop a relationship amid this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. I met the most amazing person shortly after my ex moved out and we've been together a year. This thread makes me feel like everyone is going to look down on us.

How? I was an exhausted, demoralized, scared, overworked mess, raising kids, barely hanging on. How does one have time to meet someone and develop a relationship amid this?

I didn't feel like that. I felt so energized, hopeful, like I lost 200lbs of dead weight I was carrying around. I loved getting the time with my kids to really engage and dig in to my favorite parts of motherhood without having to accommodate my ex. I got a promotion. My friendships were reinvigorated. I felt really good on all fronts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Prompted by seeing that Brittany Snow's husband is engaged just 5 months after their divorce.

Have known a few people IRL like this as well, including a guy who was married for 10+ years (no kids though) who started dating his now wife during the separation period, and then they were engaged in less than a year after the divorce.

I just could never marry someone in that situation. I don't care how much they tell me that it was a "dead marriage" and they should have divorced long ago blah blah blah, it's way too fast. How do you commit your entire life to someone who already committed their entire life to someone else and only left that person 5 months ago? What the heck?

Even for single people, it's advisable to date exclusively for at least one year before even considering a commitment. For someone who already failed at honoring previous commitment and has heavy baggage to sort through before starting fresh, 2 year should be minimum before even popping the question, let alone getting married.

Majority who remarry quickly, discarded their spouse because they the newer model already lined up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Middle age goes by really fast. Some may see it best to just move on with things since there’s little healthy time left.

Middle age people also have a lot to risk another failed marriage.

[Anonymous]

There is a reason failure rate is higher for second marriages.

[Anonymous]

People who have kids at home still and remarry quickly after divorce have psych issues and are unable to be alone. That’s my middle-aged take from observing many friends and acquaintances. Or maybe they never were into the original spouse in the first place. Kids and unwinding from a long marriage make things super complicated, so quick remarriage is an idiotic decision imo.