Question about grandparents' time with grandkids—fair or unbalanced?

[Anonymous]

The one getting free childcare needs to grow a pair.

If I were the grandparents I’d just stop watching the kids three times a week. There is aftercare for a reason and then alternate the spots.

[Anonymous]

Feel bad for the grandparents.
They're only seen as free childcare.. ICK!

[Anonymous]

I hope these aren't Boomers. It will blow up the whole narrative that they are too selfish to get to know their grandkids.

[Anonymous]

I think this is fair and the grandparents sound awesome. I have a similar situation where I work and my parents do not help regularly during the week but do attend games/special performances and babysit on occasion. My local sibling has a SAH spouse and my parents take the grandkids for a morning a couple times a week. So far there are not a lot of conflicts on weekends, but if my niece or nephew had a big event (recital or championship game or something) I would expect that my parents would go to that. I have one child that has a game every week and one who has two big performances a year so and I would feel differently about missing a big performances than a weekly game. I would just make it clear to your parents that if they ever need to miss a game you are happy to find a different time to see them, not because of your sibling but just because I know my parents feel a lot of pressure to make things fair so don’t want to add to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the grandparents can spend their time however they want once they are issued an invitation? If it’s important to the kid they can say “hey gran can you please come to my game this weekend?” I do not see what fair has to do with it. As an adult I know life isn’t fair and to ask for what I want.

So you are ok with grandparents showing favoritism to your child? I’m not.

It doesn't seem like favouritism to me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking for outside perspective on this family dynamic (all kids and grandparents live locally):

The grandparents have two adult children. Each adult child has two kids

2–3 afternoons a week, the grandmother watches one set of grandchildren after school (they’re dropped off by one parent and picked up by the other after work)

Every weekend, the grandparents attend the other set of grandchildren’s sports games in the morning

As a result, they rarely or never attend the sports games of the grandkids they watch during the week

From an outside point of view, is this a fair balance of time and support? Or would you expect them to make more effort to attend the games of the grandkids they see during the week? Not looking to start drama, just curious what others think is reasonable or typical.

If anything this is less fair to this weekend grandkids. Call grandma when your kids go to the Olympic trials.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP never came back so either a troll her she didn’t like our response.

OP here. I’m here, but I was trying to remain neutral.

I’m the weekend sports parent/sibling. My sibling has been making a big deal over our parents attending my child’s (6) games on Saturday mornings. After the games we have lunch. It’s the only day of the week we see my parents. My sibling’s child’s games overlap. We gave a standing invite to my parents on Saturday, and they choose to come on Saturdays. My sibling (who enjoys the 2-3 times a week babysitting/time spent with grandparents) is complaining that they spend every weekend with us. We don’t force them, but they are taking it out on us. I just wanted to be sure I wasn’t going crazy. Your replies landed well.

I assumed you were the weekday kids’ parent from how you wrote the original post. Your sibling is being unreasonable, OP. They clearly are “getting more” from your parents with multi-day babysitting each week. Your sibling seems very entitled and reminds me of my own sibling. For some people it’s never enough.