Question about grandparents' time with grandkids—fair or unbalanced?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give these grandparents a gold medal give whoever is asking this question a one way ticket to Antarctica.

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

This is a bananas question. Wow!

This is a set of grandparents who are devoting a pretty considerable chunk of their time to their grandkids and doing so in a way that seems to work for them. Please do not keep score!

Also, sorry, but kids sports games are not that important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. The grandparents are free to do what they want.
2. The ones receiving after school care are the ones that actually get quality time with their grandparents. Not to mention, it’s a lot easier on the parents.
3. The children playing sports will have memories of seeing their grandparents at their soccer game, but that does not compare to getting three afternoons each week with grandparents where they probably play games and bake and do arts and crafts.
It’s ridiculous that you’re trying to determine what is “fair” in the scenario.

Not to mention a sitter or nanny would be $20-25/hr for after care.

Is that the issue OP? Your sibling gets free sitting and you don’t?

[Anonymous]

OP never came back so either a troll her she didn’t like our response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP never came back so either a troll her she didn’t like our response.

OP here. I’m here, but I was trying to remain neutral.

I’m the weekend sports parent/sibling. My sibling has been making a big deal over our parents attending my child’s (6) games on Saturday mornings. After the games we have lunch. It’s the only day of the week we see my parents. My sibling’s child’s games overlap. We gave a standing invite to my parents on Saturday, and they choose to come on Saturdays. My sibling (who enjoys the 2-3 times a week babysitting/time spent with grandparents) is complaining that they spend every weekend with us. We don’t force them, but they are taking it out on us. I just wanted to be sure I wasn’t going crazy. Your replies landed well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the grandparents can spend their time however they want once they are issued an invitation? If it’s important to the kid they can say “hey gran can you please come to my game this weekend?” I do not see what fair has to do with it. As an adult I know life isn’t fair and to ask for what I want.

What if both grandchildren extend the invite at the same time, for the same time?

Then the obvious answer is that they go to the kid who they didn’t see 3 times that week.

If you’re the kid’s parent you explain that grandma and grandpa love all the kids and they don’t want to go an entire week without seeing their cousins. Then please send your parents flowers and THANK them for all the childcare help. Do not be an entitled jerk and start drama because you want even MORE of their time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP never came back so either a troll her she didn’t like our response.

OP here. I’m here, but I was trying to remain neutral.

I’m the weekend sports parent/sibling. My sibling has been making a big deal over our parents attending my child’s (6) games on Saturday mornings. After the games we have lunch. It’s the only day of the week we see my parents. My sibling’s child’s games overlap. We gave a standing invite to my parents on Saturday, and they choose to come on Saturdays. My sibling (who enjoys the 2-3 times a week babysitting/time spent with grandparents) is complaining that they spend every weekend with us. We don’t force them, but they are taking it out on us. I just wanted to be sure I wasn’t going crazy. Your replies landed well.

Even if you are in the “right” you still can’t control your siblings behavior nor your parents response just be prepared for your parents to cave if the sibling is persistent and used to getting their way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give these grandparents a gold medal give whoever is asking this question a one way ticket to Antarctica.

+1

+2

+3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP never came back so either a troll her she didn’t like our response.

OP here. I’m here, but I was trying to remain neutral.

I’m the weekend sports parent/sibling. My sibling has been making a big deal over our parents attending my child’s (6) games on Saturday mornings. After the games we have lunch. It’s the only day of the week we see my parents. My sibling’s child’s games overlap. We gave a standing invite to my parents on Saturday, and they choose to come on Saturdays. My sibling (who enjoys the 2-3 times a week babysitting/time spent with grandparents) is complaining that they spend every weekend with us. We don’t force them, but they are taking it out on us. I just wanted to be sure I wasn’t going crazy. Your replies landed well.

Even if you are in the “right” you still can’t control your siblings behavior nor your parents response just be prepared for your parents to cave if the sibling is persistent and used to getting their way.

Oh gosh, I couldn’t care less either way. It’ll be sad if my parents cave (they aren’t the type, though) but I just wanted to be sure we weren’t bogarting weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if some of the kids don't DO sports? Maybe there's nothing to watch. And honestly, if you're watching a game, you're not spending time WITH the kid - you're watching them spend time with other kids. So the quality time is happening with the kids being dropped off at their house - they're getting the better deal.

I agree with all of this.

[Anonymous]

Do you want/need weekday babysitting OP? If not, I don’t understand why every 3rd weekend or so the grandparents can’t go see the other kids’ sports. On those weekends, you can invite grandparents to dinner instead of lunch. Maybe the grandkids would like to see them at a game - I don’t think that’s wrong to want.

[Anonymous]

Fair, they cannot do all for one set and nothing for the other…obviously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you want/need weekday babysitting OP? If not, I don’t understand why every 3rd weekend or so the grandparents can’t go see the other kids’ sports. On those weekends, you can invite grandparents to dinner instead of lunch. Maybe the grandkids would like to see them at a game - I don’t think that’s wrong to want.

They see them 3 days a week, surely they already see them play sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want/need weekday babysitting OP? If not, I don’t understand why every 3rd weekend or so the grandparents can’t go see the other kids’ sports. On those weekends, you can invite grandparents to dinner instead of lunch. Maybe the grandkids would like to see them at a game - I don’t think that’s wrong to want.

They see them 3 days a week, surely they already see them play sports.

A lot of younger kids sports don't have weeknight games. I know soccer doesn't where we are.

[Anonymous]

This is fair. My one question is if the family that gets the babysitting gets to see grandpa at all? Just one gap I noticed in the original post.

But in general yay for OP’s parents that they are trying to keep things fair where childcare is involved. So often this results in extreme imbalances.