Unemployed ex- Should I look for another job or stay put?

[Anonymous]

Leaving only makes sense if the pay increase is substantial ($20k isn't enough of a bump) and offers health insurance that is primarily funded by your employer. And if you find a job that gives you a percentage of you pay towards 401k, bonus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why isn't he putting a portion of his severance towards health insurance and daycare. Not h understanding why he's entirely off the hook.

I guess I figured I'd take it on while hes unemployed because when it runs out my kids are going to lose their other home. I was trying to make his runway longer with his severance since I have income, but maybe that's night the right thought? Im trying to minimize my kids transitions

[Anonymous]

OP, you're "vacation wife" right? The DCUM who found her DH's texts while on vacation? Who's posted several very long threads as you tried to save the marriage, got divorced, found out ex-DH got a DUI and was getting fired as well?

I think this was the latest thread: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/225/1290152.page

Either way, yes you should look for other opportunities. If I remember correctly you don't live in the DMV, so hopefully your industry/field is not getting wrecked by what's happening to the federal government. $130k with lots of flexibility is great, but if your ex is dealing with mental health and substance abuse issues, you're probably going to be the sole income for a long time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why isn't he putting a portion of his severance towards health insurance and daycare. Not h understanding why he's entirely off the hook.

I guess I figured I'd take it on while hes unemployed because when it runs out my kids are going to lose their other home. I was trying to make his runway longer with his severance since I have income, but maybe that's night the right thought? Im trying to minimize my kids transitions

You’re not helping your kids by doing this. You’re helping him. You’re still acting like his wife and trying to do the background work so his life runs smoothly.

Right now you’re sacrificing your children’s wellbeing by taking it upon yourself to solve your exs financial problems.

If he’s supposed to provide health insurance, he needs to pay for health insurance. If he’s supposed to pay for 60% of daycare, he needs to pay that. You’re enabling him to be in contempt of court.

Stop. You’re not helping your children by desperately clinging to the wife role. You’re the ex no matter how much you set yourself on fire to keep him warm. Just stop.

[Anonymous]

Stay put Op. You like your job. Move somewhere else, within the same school district, if you need to. If it would help financially. Keep the job you like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're "vacation wife" right? The DCUM who found her DH's texts while on vacation? Who's posted several very long threads as you tried to save the marriage, got divorced, found out ex-DH got a DUI and was getting fired as well?

I think this was the latest thread: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/225/1290152.page

Either way, yes you should look for other opportunities. If I remember correctly you don't live in the DMV, so hopefully your industry/field is not getting wrecked by what's happening to the federal government. $130k with lots of flexibility is great, but if your ex is dealing with mental health and substance abuse issues, you're probably going to be the sole income for a long time.

No we would know if it was that OP continuing her long troll as she loves to quote herself and to “refresh” us all on her situation.

[Anonymous]

OP you are either clueless or delusional. If you take on expenses that your ex is obligated to pay, you are cheating your kids because that has an opportunity cost on your household.
Also, if you save him $500 do you think he is using it to "extend his runway"? Or is he spending it on stuff because he can? Takeout, booze, golf, whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why your kids can’t be on CHiP for free?

Because she's well over the income limit for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why isn't he putting a portion of his severance towards health insurance and daycare. Not h understanding why he's entirely off the hook.

I guess I figured I'd take it on while hes unemployed because when it runs out my kids are going to lose their other home. I was trying to make his runway longer with his severance since I have income, but maybe that's night the right thought? Im trying to minimize my kids transitions

Enabling an alcoholic is never going to make things easier or better for the alcoholic's children. You need to hold him responsible for his obligations.

[Anonymous]

Here is another way to think about it. Every month, you are giving someone $2300, while you have young children who depend on you to provide for them.

In what world would giving away your children's money to an alcoholic make sense?

I'll also say that transitions are easier younger. If him falling completely apart means your kids live with you full time, or you need to move into a smaller place, then the time for that is before the school transition. Delaying those things hurts them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since he isn't working, can't dad do the childcare during the week?

Think about it.

If you were the parent who lost the job, wouldn't you pull your kid from daycare and keep them home with you, so you could enjoy this precious time with your child during the best years of parenting?

Why can't he do the same?

Even if it was only part time, it would save quite a bit on daycare.

Most daycares don’t give you discounts for part time attendance. And pulling them and then running the risk of having to put them back in (potentially somewhere else) after dad gets a job is also a risk.

[Anonymous]

OP, your job sounds amazing.

A few months ago i read a reddit post about how this person had a fully remote job, was there for a few years and totally loved it but was bored and wanted to grow. Decided to go somewhere else. At a new place was promised fully remote, growth opportunities, bla-bla. Turned out completely micro-managed, no growth, hates the new job and the old company already hired someone else.