Unemployed ex- Should I look for another job or stay put?

[Anonymous]

My kids' dad lost his job 3 months ago. He was making $175k and was paying 60% of childcare and carried the kids on his health insurance. Now, I'm paying for all of childcare ($2000/m) and had to get the kids on marketplace health insurance ($1100/m) because my job doesn't offer dependent insurance. He has not gotten unemployment yet. He keeps giving me the run around about xyz is making his application not go through so I'm unsure if he was laid off or fired. He has a current burn rate of $3600/m on a $21k severance.

I make $130k and am very happy on all fronts with my job. We are a fully remote company, I have flexibility to step out for kids things or drop offs. I can easily move laundry along and throw easy dinners in the oven. I have great work life balance all around. I'm intellectually stimulated by what I do. My coworkers and senior leadership are GREAT- kind, collaborative, supportive. When I got divorced, two of our C-Suite called me and encouraged me to remember that they care about output vs hours and as long as I'm meeting or exceeding, use the flexibility I need.

The downsides- This year I got a significant promotion to $130k so no more raises here likely for a long while. No dependent health insurance option.

My new title will put me in a great position to make $150-170k somewhere else eventually. Do I start the job search knowing I can't rely on my ex? Stick it out because I truly feel like I have a unicorn job?

I went from having a $3100/m buffer to now just $800/m assuming no extra things come up. It's the last year of a daycare bill, both kids will be in public next year.

WWYD?

[Anonymous]

I would stay in the current job and just try to make finances work if the daycare bill is going to end fairly soon.

[Anonymous]

He can easily get a $4k job with no experience working at nights and weekends in a restaurant and/or lunches.
You also have an option to take the kids out of daycare if he wants to be at home and work nights.
As a parent, I'd work two jobs and keep the kids in daycare.
Lots of options, but I doubt he is willing to work that much.

[Anonymous]

What would I do? Not have a kid with someone I don’t want to be with.

[Anonymous]

Stay, OP. See if your ex can provide anything at all to help build a bigger cushion. 0-5 years are the most important years for child development, and you have a supportive, remote job with stable childcare. You can make big moves later.

[Anonymous]

There is no harm in looking. Who knows? You might find another unicorn job. But you are in a position to be selective.

It sounds like at a minimum your Ex is unreliable financially, so knowing you have options will buy you peace of mind.

[Anonymous]

You say this is the last year of daycare. I would plan to stick it out but start applying just in case.

Now is not the best time to job hunt, but I think you need a long term plan of finding a new job. Definitely do not take the first job that offers you a higher salary but requires a lot of time in office.

I would also make an appointment with a lawyer. You should be getting at least a portion of your ex’s unemployment benefits as child support. Write down all your questions. You should be able to get the information you need from a one hour session.

[Anonymous]

If he got severance why can't he pay child support

[Anonymous]

With the end of daycare in sight and a budget where you are still in the black each month (even if just barely), I think you should stick with your unicorn job. A supportive management team and credibility is worth its weight in gold. And you and your kids have been through a lot - lean into the stability that you have right now.

[Anonymous]

Since he isn't working, can't dad do the childcare during the week?

Think about it.

If you were the parent who lost the job, wouldn't you pull your kid from daycare and keep them home with you, so you could enjoy this precious time with your child during the best years of parenting?

Why can't he do the same?

Even if it was only part time, it would save quite a bit on daycare.

[Anonymous]

$800 a month buffer and childcare ending soon? I would absolutely 100% stay. Job sounds amazing, you're living on what you make even with the ex being unreliable, and work life balance like that is hard to find.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since he isn't working, can't dad do the childcare during the week?

Think about it.

If you were the parent who lost the job, wouldn't you pull your kid from daycare and keep them home with you, so you could enjoy this precious time with your child during the best years of parenting?

Why can't he do the same?

Even if it was only part time, it would save quite a bit on daycare.

Yes of course I would, but I'm not a deadbeat dad.

[Anonymous]

OP here- he doesn't pay me child support at all (not even when employed) and he's not getting unemployment benefits which leads me to believe he was fired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- he doesn't pay me child support at all (not even when employed) and he's not getting unemployment benefits which leads me to believe he was fired.

Lots of people get fired for no fault. Do you share custody?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What would I do? Not have a kid with someone I don’t want to be with.

OP here and I was with him very very happily for 16 years before he spiraled into the depths of mental health issues, started drinking, had an affair. May your life partner always be stable.