When and how can you ask your furloughed spouse to do work around the house?

[Anonymous]

You have to ask or make appreciative statements.

"Can you prepare the kids breakfasts or lunch on M-W-F Thank you.".

Then, "the kids love the breakfast you made. I really appreciate you took the time to make such delicious meals for them. " Smile and walk away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You shouldn't even have to ask, or post here with such a timid title. The dynamic has deeper problems.

Most furloughed dads I know are taking over the daily kid logistics and doing some cooking and other house stuff.

This, and don’t give it time or give him time to settle into a routine that doesn’t involve picking up larger portion of kids / house work. You’d still need to do stuff, but he definitely can do more than you since he has time. Grocery shopping would be a great start, since he’d be going during the day before the rush. He can prep for dinner, run laundry, etc. don’t give him a list of 10 things to do if he’s used to doing nothing, but definitely start immediately so he’ll get into the rhythm of things.

The thing is if he’s used to doing nothing, he doesn’t appreciate the time and effort that is needed to them, and it may not occur to him to do them. He probably thinks you wave your magic wand and do things effortlessly, he may also think that he’s not good at doing some of the things. So start with 1-2 things every day, “go grocery shopping today”, “run laundry, move to dryer, fold when done”…. Specific things, and let them increase towards the end of the week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It amazes me how many wives, husbands, GF’s, BF’s on this site don’t stand up for themselves against their significant others.

Are you that meeky mealy? Grow a backbone and stand up for yourself.

Society has become weak and submissive overall, men especially. It's why women don't respect men anymore. And men are afraid of false DV accusations and the court system in this country is messed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give him a "honey do" list.

Offer him BJ's for being a good boy. You are married and you don't know how to marriage yet?

NP. Wow I generate my own honey do list but I could have been holding out for a better offer? Apparently I don’t know how to marriage either

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give him a "honey do" list.

Offer him BJ's for being a good boy. You are married and you don't know how to marriage yet?

NP. Wow I generate my own honey do list but I could have been holding out for a better offer? Apparently I don’t know how to marriage either

You could do your own doge-ish “what did you accomplish/5 bullets” but do it on a weekly basis. (I am a fed and furloughed)

[Anonymous]

I came home the Monday after he was furloughed and was greeted by DH coming up the stairs from a day cleaning up the basement. He’d already posted stuff on FB marketplace to sell and gotten a load of trash ready for the dump. You can and should expect better.

[Anonymous]

My DH is not a fed but there is zero change he’d do extra anything on furlough. Yes, it’s a problem and why I decided to only work PT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do I bring this up without getting into a fight? I have waited to see what he would do, and apparently, that answer is - he will do absolutely NOTHING. I'm still working fulltime and going in-office and taking care of everything the kids need.

He continues to be lord of the manor as he was before the furlough. Why do you expect that to change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you mean daily stuff (laundry, dinner, pick up the kids) or big projects?

I think it's totally fine to ask for more help with the daily stuff, although I wouldn't say "it's all yours now" and just completely walk away. I'm furloughed and I'm doing more of that than normal, but haven't taken on 100% of my DH's responsibilities. He's still a parent and it's still a 2 person job.

For big projects, I'd tread carefully. We don't know how long this will last. I've tried to do some decluttering and consignment, and I hate it SO MUCH that I have had to work out hard to calm down after. It makes me mad that I'm spending so many hours trying to make pennies like some poor tradwife instead of using my actual skills to earn our real income.

Damn. I mean, it's almost like all that SAHM tradwife shite is... like... actual work. And thankless, tedious, crazymaking work at that!

Isn't that the truth!!