When and how can you ask your furloughed spouse to do work around the house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you mean daily stuff (laundry, dinner, pick up the kids) or big projects?

I think it's totally fine to ask for more help with the daily stuff, although I wouldn't say "it's all yours now" and just completely walk away. I'm furloughed and I'm doing more of that than normal, but haven't taken on 100% of my DH's responsibilities. He's still a parent and it's still a 2 person job.

For big projects, I'd tread carefully. We don't know how long this will last. I've tried to do some decluttering and consignment, and I hate it SO MUCH that I have had to work out hard to calm down after. It makes me mad that I'm spending so many hours trying to make pennies like some poor tradwife instead of using my actual skills to earn our real income.

Well, you chose consignment. I chose investing. I turned $30k into $300k in 5 years. Now I have a new skill and I'm not going back to work.
Had consignment taught you anything? You seem frustrated.

DP here, I'd invest if my agency didn't restrict it.
PP who is mad about consignment - are you trying to make money doing that? Not worth your time, at all. Just donate the stuff you don't want.

[Anonymous]

This is a political topic and should be moved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe this loser never did anything before

Correct, OP's issues are deeper than the furlough. My husband just sees things that need to be done, and does them.

We do have a general list of larger projects, but it doesn't include chores.

[Anonymous]

It amazes me how many wives, husbands, GF’s, BF’s on this site don’t stand up for themselves against their significant others.

Are you that meeky mealy? Grow a backbone and stand up for yourself.

[Anonymous]

You are treating him like he’s unemployed. If he wasn’t required to do anything before the furlough, why would he start now? He hasn’t even missed a paycheck yet. Don’t use the furlough as a chance to get what’s been bothering you off your chest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you mean daily stuff (laundry, dinner, pick up the kids) or big projects?

I think it's totally fine to ask for more help with the daily stuff, although I wouldn't say "it's all yours now" and just completely walk away. I'm furloughed and I'm doing more of that than normal, but haven't taken on 100% of my DH's responsibilities. He's still a parent and it's still a 2 person job.

For big projects, I'd tread carefully. We don't know how long this will last. I've tried to do some decluttering and consignment, and I hate it SO MUCH that I have had to work out hard to calm down after. It makes me mad that I'm spending so many hours trying to make pennies like some poor tradwife instead of using my actual skills to earn our real income.

You mean taking responsibility for your family's belongings?

[Anonymous]

You CAN ask him ANYtime to help you w/ANYthing that you need help with.

That being said he should have taken the initiative already. 😬

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It amazes me how many wives, husbands, GF’s, BF’s on this site don’t stand up for themselves against their significant others.

Are you that meeky mealy? Grow a backbone and stand up for yourself.

It's mostly wives, and we learned it from our mothers. It took therapy for me to grow a backbone.

[Anonymous]

It’s very hard to get them to work around the house because most of them did nothing even when they were at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s very hard to get them to work around the house because most of them did nothing even when they were at work.

So glad I'm not married to a dud. How can you be attracted to someone so useless?

[Anonymous]

Give him a "honey do" list.

Offer him BJ's for being a good boy. You are married and you don't know how to marriage yet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are treating him like he’s unemployed. If he wasn’t required to do anything before the furlough, why would he start now? He hasn’t even missed a paycheck yet. Don’t use the furlough as a chance to get what’s been bothering you off your chest.

A housewife/man is not unemployed. They are SAHH/Ms.

[Anonymous]

"Here, these sheets are out of the dryer. Make the bed."

[Anonymous]

My neighbor is furloughed and her husband literally gave her a list of tasks to complete while she’s home. I’m also furloughed and having stopped moving in a week. I’ve cleaned out the basement closets, taken two truckloads of donations to Goodwill, fertilized the lawn, hung blinds, cleaned out the pantry, started organizing the garage (still a work in progress). My spouse was joking I didn’t need a honey do list because I self-impose the work. I could find something productive to do if this goes another week or another month.

This isn’t a furlough problem, it’s a spouse problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave him a list.

I leave my 12 yr old son a list. If I have to leave my DH a list, he wouldn’t be my husband.