When 1 parent practices and another doesn’t

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to find a church with a younger community. The parish we live in is a sea of elderly people so we drive to one where there is a school (and now send our kids there.)
There are a lot of podcasts by youngish men who are Catholic. I sent some of these to my husband (it helps that they are extremely funny and match his political views.)
Long story short he's completely invested now. I never would have believed it 10 years ago.

Red flag...

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love the fact that some posters tried to encourage you to bribe your kids to "choose" to go with you to church.

I'm with your husband. At least he hasn't told you to stop trying to indoctrinate your kids with bronze age fairy tales. You should give him more credit for trying to be respectful of your differences.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WRT to “this is what we do”, I mean we go to Mass when we can, wherever we are and don’t give ourselves a bye week bc there’s hockey or vacation or we are just not feeling it. Just like the “this is what we do” families feel about teaching kids to brush their teeth, pick up trash, vote in every election or count to 3 when they’re mad. The anti Mass people will poke holes and say it’s Bronze Age fairy tales but the Catholic moms here posting seem to get it. But this has all been very humbling and helpful. Thanks all

No it is no where near the same.

Those are life skills.

You are trying to indoctrinate your children into a cult that is currently suing to help abusers of children. And you want your kids to be more involved.
You are trying to control your DH and you changed the rules, why in the world should he need to go to Church? He is an adult for god's sake.

[Anonymous]

I am a practicing Catholic. My husband was raised Catholic too but is not as religious as I am. Like others on here, I was the classic returner after having kids. I could never imagine a life without faith and I couldn't imagine raising kids without faith but my husband probably could have gone either way.

I think it's fine to skip mass when the kids are on vacation. It's better to err on being chill about it. Since my kids started high school (albeit Catholic high school), I don't force them to go to mass bc I feel that if I forced them, they will never attend on their own.

I second the recommendation to join a parish with a strong Sunday school program. The community can be so wonderful. Overall women tend to be more spiritual than men generally and to take the lead in deciding how and in which religion kids will be raised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WRT to “this is what we do”, I mean we go to Mass when we can, wherever we are and don’t give ourselves a bye week bc there’s hockey or vacation or we are just not feeling it. Just like the “this is what we do” families feel about teaching kids to brush their teeth, pick up trash, vote in every election or count to 3 when they’re mad. The anti Mass people will poke holes and say it’s Bronze Age fairy tales but the Catholic moms here posting seem to get it. But this has all been very humbling and helpful. Thanks all

No it is no where near the same.

Those are life skills.

You are trying to indoctrinate your children into a cult that is currently suing to help abusers of children. And you want your kids to be more involved.
You are trying to control your DH and you changed the rules, why in the world should he need to go to Church? He is an adult for god's sake.

Not OP: There is nothing wrong with the teachings of Jesus Christ. There is nothing wrong with getting your children in the habit of being reflective and expressing gratitude or establishing a weekly habit of sitting in communion with others without devices!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WRT to “this is what we do”, I mean we go to Mass when we can, wherever we are and don’t give ourselves a bye week bc there’s hockey or vacation or we are just not feeling it. Just like the “this is what we do” families feel about teaching kids to brush their teeth, pick up trash, vote in every election or count to 3 when they’re mad. The anti Mass people will poke holes and say it’s Bronze Age fairy tales but the Catholic moms here posting seem to get it. But this has all been very humbling and helpful. Thanks all

No it is no where near the same.

Those are life skills.

You are trying to indoctrinate your children into a cult that is currently suing to help abusers of children. And you want your kids to be more involved.
You are trying to control your DH and you changed the rules, why in the world should he need to go to Church? He is an adult for god's sake.

Not OP: There is nothing wrong with the teachings of Jesus Christ. There is nothing wrong with getting your children in the habit of being reflective and expressing gratitude or establishing a weekly habit of sitting in communion with others without devices!!!

And there's nothing wrong with deciding the Catholic church isn't for you or your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WRT to “this is what we do”, I mean we go to Mass when we can, wherever we are and don’t give ourselves a bye week bc there’s hockey or vacation or we are just not feeling it. Just like the “this is what we do” families feel about teaching kids to brush their teeth, pick up trash, vote in every election or count to 3 when they’re mad. The anti Mass people will poke holes and say it’s Bronze Age fairy tales but the Catholic moms here posting seem to get it. But this has all been very humbling and helpful. Thanks all

I’m with you, OP.
I think the people saying that you should give your kids the choice probably wouldn’t feel the same way if your husband told them that they didn’t have to do their homework or take the SATs.

I don't understand that comparison to homework or SATs. Can you expand on that?

Sure. If OP’s husband didn’t feel that homework was important and didn’t make their kids do it if they didn’t want to or were busy doing other things, most people here would be telling her that her husband needs to get on board. Not that her kids should have a choice on whether or not they do homework.

Suppose the husband wasn't simply passive but actively took the position that the kids shouldn't be raised Catholic. What would you say then?

This isn't a situation where one decision is inherently better than another.

I would say the same thing as if the husband actively took the position that the kids shouldn’t worry about school and shouldn’t go to college. I understand that when kids are adults, they are going to make their own decisions, but as long as they are kids, I’m going to steer them in a certain direction.

You can say that one decision isn’t inherently better than the other, but I disagree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WRT to “this is what we do”, I mean we go to Mass when we can, wherever we are and don’t give ourselves a bye week bc there’s hockey or vacation or we are just not feeling it. Just like the “this is what we do” families feel about teaching kids to brush their teeth, pick up trash, vote in every election or count to 3 when they’re mad. The anti Mass people will poke holes and say it’s Bronze Age fairy tales but the Catholic moms here posting seem to get it. But this has all been very humbling and helpful. Thanks all

No it is no where near the same.

Those are life skills.

You are trying to indoctrinate your children into a cult that is currently suing to help abusers of children. And you want your kids to be more involved.
You are trying to control your DH and you changed the rules, why in the world should he need to go to Church? He is an adult for god's sake.

Not OP: There is nothing wrong with the teachings of Jesus Christ. There is nothing wrong with getting your children in the habit of being reflective and expressing gratitude or establishing a weekly habit of sitting in communion with others without devices!!!

And there's nothing wrong with deciding the Catholic church isn't for you or your children.

I mean, it’s kind of odd to decide that and then marry another Catholic, baptize your kids, and send them to Catholic school.

I think OP’s husband is just being lazy. He isn’t taking an ideological position.

[Anonymous]

Protestant, but otherwise we have a similar situation. We talked about it before marriage and agreed on an approach.

The more religious one usually takes the kids (elementary school age) to Sunday School, but if that parent is away on a work trip or is sick the less religious one will take the kids to Sunday School.

We do miss church entirely on a small number of Sundays each year due to illness (we try not to spread germs) or being on vacation. When kids are older, with more attention span and more understanding, then we will also attend the church service. This is approximately how the more religious parent was raised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WRT to “this is what we do”, I mean we go to Mass when we can, wherever we are and don’t give ourselves a bye week bc there’s hockey or vacation or we are just not feeling it. Just like the “this is what we do” families feel about teaching kids to brush their teeth, pick up trash, vote in every election or count to 3 when they’re mad. The anti Mass people will poke holes and say it’s Bronze Age fairy tales but the Catholic moms here posting seem to get it. But this has all been very humbling and helpful. Thanks all

No it is no where near the same.

Those are life skills.

You are trying to indoctrinate your children into a cult that is currently suing to help abusers of children. And you want your kids to be more involved.
You are trying to control your DH and you changed the rules, why in the world should he need to go to Church? He is an adult for god's sake.

Not OP: There is nothing wrong with the teachings of Jesus Christ. There is nothing wrong with getting your children in the habit of being reflective and expressing gratitude or establishing a weekly habit of sitting in communion with others without devices!!!

And there's nothing wrong with deciding the Catholic church isn't for you or your children.

I mean, it’s kind of odd to decide that and then marry another Catholic, baptize your kids, and send them to Catholic school.

I think OP’s husband is just being lazy. He isn’t taking an ideological position.

Truth is, you know nothing about OP's husband except what she's said. I was a "lazy Catholic" at one time, too -- Now an atheist who wouldn't think of raising kids in the church.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WRT to “this is what we do”, I mean we go to Mass when we can, wherever we are and don’t give ourselves a bye week bc there’s hockey or vacation or we are just not feeling it. Just like the “this is what we do” families feel about teaching kids to brush their teeth, pick up trash, vote in every election or count to 3 when they’re mad. The anti Mass people will poke holes and say it’s Bronze Age fairy tales but the Catholic moms here posting seem to get it. But this has all been very humbling and helpful. Thanks all

I’m with you, OP.
I think the people saying that you should give your kids the choice probably wouldn’t feel the same way if your husband told them that they didn’t have to do their homework or take the SATs.

I don't understand that comparison to homework or SATs. Can you expand on that?

Sure. If OP’s husband didn’t feel that homework was important and didn’t make their kids do it if they didn’t want to or were busy doing other things, most people here would be telling her that her husband needs to get on board. Not that her kids should have a choice on whether or not they do homework.

Suppose the husband wasn't simply passive but actively took the position that the kids shouldn't be raised Catholic. What would you say then?

This isn't a situation where one decision is inherently better than another.

I would say the same thing as if the husband actively took the position that the kids shouldn’t worry about school and shouldn’t go to college. I understand that when kids are adults, they are going to make their own decisions, but as long as they are kids, I’m going to steer them in a certain direction.

You can say that one decision isn’t inherently better than the other, but I disagree.

You disagree because you're indoctrinated in religion. There's evidence that a college education helps people in life. There's no evidence that being religious does. Probably the opposite, as many highly educated and successful people, (e.g., scientists) are not religious.

[Anonymous]

OP, an important thing for you to remember here is that it sounds like you and DH were pretty much on the same page when you got married and YOU changed. If anyone has grounds to be frustrated, it is him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WRT to “this is what we do”, I mean we go to Mass when we can, wherever we are and don’t give ourselves a bye week bc there’s hockey or vacation or we are just not feeling it. Just like the “this is what we do” families feel about teaching kids to brush their teeth, pick up trash, vote in every election or count to 3 when they’re mad. The anti Mass people will poke holes and say it’s Bronze Age fairy tales but the Catholic moms here posting seem to get it. But this has all been very humbling and helpful. Thanks all

I’m with you, OP.
I think the people saying that you should give your kids the choice probably wouldn’t feel the same way if your husband told them that they didn’t have to do their homework or take the SATs.

I don't understand that comparison to homework or SATs. Can you expand on that?

Sure. If OP’s husband didn’t feel that homework was important and didn’t make their kids do it if they didn’t want to or were busy doing other things, most people here would be telling her that her husband needs to get on board. Not that her kids should have a choice on whether or not they do homework.

Suppose the husband wasn't simply passive but actively took the position that the kids shouldn't be raised Catholic. What would you say then?

This isn't a situation where one decision is inherently better than another.

I would say the same thing as if the husband actively took the position that the kids shouldn’t worry about school and shouldn’t go to college. I understand that when kids are adults, they are going to make their own decisions, but as long as they are kids, I’m going to steer them in a certain direction.

You can say that one decision isn’t inherently better than the other, but I disagree.

You disagree because you're indoctrinated in religion. There's evidence that a college education helps people in life. There's no evidence that being religious does. Probably the opposite, as many highly educated and successful people, (e.g., scientists) are not religious.[/quote]

Wow. Could you really be anymore uninformed or prejudiced? I am highly educated and successful and I am a practicing Catholic. My faith is a source of strength and community. The holidays mark the years; the sacraments (or other equivalents in other faiths) mark our lives. That does help people in life. Why do you think anyone of any faith continues practicing their faith - because they are dumb failures? People who profess to be of no faith are massive hypocrites because they continue to seek out that which those of us gain from our faith but instead they do it in secular ways. There already have been books written about it. Nothing has replaced the role of organized faith in our society and we are poorer for it.

[Anonymous]

Annul the marriage.

You should be married to someone you respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WRT to “this is what we do”, I mean we go to Mass when we can, wherever we are and don’t give ourselves a bye week bc there’s hockey or vacation or we are just not feeling it. Just like the “this is what we do” families feel about teaching kids to brush their teeth, pick up trash, vote in every election or count to 3 when they’re mad. The anti Mass people will poke holes and say it’s Bronze Age fairy tales but the Catholic moms here posting seem to get it. But this has all been very humbling and helpful. Thanks all

No it is no where near the same.

Those are life skills.

You are trying to indoctrinate your children into a cult that is currently suing to help abusers of children. And you want your kids to be more involved.
You are trying to control your DH and you changed the rules, why in the world should he need to go to Church? He is an adult for god's sake.

Not OP: There is nothing wrong with the teachings of Jesus Christ. There is nothing wrong with getting your children in the habit of being reflective and expressing gratitude or establishing a weekly habit of sitting in communion with others without devices!!!

That doesn’t have to be in a church, especially one with long track record of organized criminal activity against child victims. There is in fact something wrong with that. Why teach your child that raping children is OK?