When 1 parent practices and another doesn’t

[Anonymous]

Please no Catholic bashing.

Both of us raised Catholic, though very lukewarmly, married in Church, baptized our kids, Catholic school. About 4 years ago I embraced my faith and returned to Church and Sacraments. My husband not so much. It is very hard because he will come to Mass if asked but won’t go to Confession, and still receives, and won’t make an effort to take kids without me. It’s hard because I feel my kids pick up on his attitude. Please, aside from prayers to St Monica , share how I can have grace for my husband but also raise my kids in the value that Sunday Mass is non negotiable. This is coming up because he took half our kids out to visit family and instead of finding a Mass (it’s CA, there are tons), they’re doing vacay stuff. I don’t mean to be a holy roller but it’s hard for me

[Anonymous]

Each of you is your own person.
How dare you push your indoctrination on him?

He is an adult. If he doesn't want to go, he doesn't have to.

And you changed the rules.

You, by your own omission, decided to become more religious. Well, that is your right, but you have no right to force that on another adult.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I’d like to hear from practicing Catholics. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

That was DH and I when DCs were younger. We were both raised Catholic, and he wanted to do the Catholic stuff with DCs. I walked away from the Church as a teen and never looked back, so I said, "Great, but you're on your own with it." He managed to get the kids baptized, and then that was pretty much the end of it. The best you can hope for is that he won't interfere with your plans for raising DCs with religion. You can't expect him to be an active participant in a belief system that doesn't interest him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Each of you is your own person.
How dare you push your indoctrination on him?

He is an adult. If he doesn't want to go, he doesn't have to.

And you changed the rules.

You, by your own omission, decided to become more religious. Well, that is your right, but you have no right to force that on another adult.

I basically agree with the above, but also I think I see your point of view. You wish your husband felt the way you do about religion, but he doesn't - and you won't change him. He didn't change you, right? Give it up.

By the way, growing up, my father took us to mass every Sunday while my mother stayed home and read. She said it was her only peaceful time of the week. She also was raised Catholic and practiced in the sense of going to confession and communion once a year.

Eventually, we kids grew up. My brother is a self-professed "nothing', after staying Catholic for a while, to make his wife happy. My sister is an evangelical Christian and I'm an atheist. You never know how kids are going to turn out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’d like to hear from practicing Catholics. Thanks.

I hope you don't think that all practicing Catholics will take your side.

[Anonymous]

My husband doesn’t practice the same way that I do. He does like Father Mike and will do TV mass while on vacation if he doesn’t find an actual church to go to. Can you ask him to put mass on YouTube when they get home and are having some downtime? It’s not exactly like going, but it’s better than just ignoring the obligation all together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Each of you is your own person.
How dare you push your indoctrination on him?

He is an adult. If he doesn't want to go, he doesn't have to.

And you changed the rules.

You, by your own omission, decided to become more religious. Well, that is your right, but you have no right to force that on another adult.

I basically agree with the above, but also I think I see your point of view. You wish your husband felt the way you do about religion, but he doesn't - and you won't change him. He didn't change you, right? Give it up.

By the way, growing up, my father took us to mass every Sunday while my mother stayed home and read. She said it was her only peaceful time of the week. She also was raised Catholic and practiced in the sense of going to confession and communion once a year.

Eventually, we kids grew up. My brother is a self-professed "nothing', after staying Catholic for a while, to make his wife happy. My sister is an evangelical Christian and I'm an atheist. You never know how kids are going to turn out.

OP. This is very helpful and the perspective I was seeking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’d like to hear from practicing Catholics. Thanks.

I hope you don't think that all practicing Catholics will take your side.

Of course not, but they also wouldn’t start spitting invective at the yearning to raise their kids with some faith foundation, however they choose to live the rest of their lives. There’s a billion of us, so I expect variety of response

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’d like to hear from practicing Catholics. Thanks.

No, you want the answer to be that it is ok for you to force your adult husband into a religion that he isn't interested in at the same level as you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’d like to hear from practicing Catholics. Thanks.

No, you want the answer to be that it is ok for you to force your adult husband into a religion that he isn't interested in at the same level as you.

Practicing Catholics love a lot of non practicing Catholics while at the same time hoping they would join them in the faith. That’s who I was hoping to connect with - people in a similar position of yearning that still extend grace. Like “here’s the Serenity prayer, it’s a life saver.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please no Catholic bashing.

Both of us raised Catholic, though very lukewarmly, married in Church, baptized our kids, Catholic school. About 4 years ago I embraced my faith and returned to Church and Sacraments. My husband not so much. It is very hard because he will come to Mass if asked but won’t go to Confession, and still receives, and won’t make an effort to take kids without me. It’s hard because I feel my kids pick up on his attitude. Please, aside from prayers to St Monica , share how I can have grace for my husband but also raise my kids in the value that Sunday Mass is non negotiable. This is coming up because he took half our kids out to visit family and instead of finding a Mass (it’s CA, there are tons), they’re doing vacay stuff. I don’t mean to be a holy roller but it’s hard for me

There seems to be an unstated underlying assumption that your beliefs and practices are more valid than his. Why do you think that?

[Anonymous]

It is very hard -- no, it's not VERY hard. YOU do not get to control another (grown) human being. And what your kids learn is, respect other people and the choices they make. There is no reason you or DH need to explain anything to the kids. They see Dad does something else. They see what's important to you. They get told the family rule - that the kids, when with Mom, have to do _____. Because that is the rule. Your Husband, however, does NOT have to do a thing because YOU say he has to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’d like to hear from practicing Catholics. Thanks.

I hope you don't think that all practicing Catholics will take your side.

Of course not, but they also wouldn’t start spitting invective at the yearning to raise their kids with some faith foundation, however they choose to live the rest of their lives. There’s a billion of us, so I expect variety of response

What you're describing is well beyond raising kids with "some faith foundation."

[Anonymous]

Atheist here. You aren't wrong, but neither is your husband. Absent an agreement otherwise, you can't make him go to mass. And clearly going to mass is negotiable, since your DH doesn't go. This is no different from any other parenting disagreement.