Paying kids airfare?

[Anonymous]

Can't her boyfriend help pay for the ticket?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is 25, and in grad school. Thanks to having a fully funded position, she is proudly independent…though definitely on a limited budget (think less than $30,000 a year). I am retired, and have more than enough to live on.

Her serious boyfriend recently moved out of town. She is planning to visit him for the first time, which will require a 14 hour drive (round trip). I am very tempted to offer to pay for a plane ticket instead, which would cost me less than $400. What do you think?

No, you don’t pay. This is their relationship and their time to manage, travel to plan and expenses to pay. Stay out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s quarter of a century old, she can pay for her own airfare if she wants to go fly to see her boyfriend.

It sounds to me like she wants to drive, which is a good experience for her.

Are you trying to make her sound older than she is? She’s 25 and in grad school. She hasn’t had years and years of paid employment. Her current fully funded position just barely covers her basic necessities. She’s not a spoiled brat who feels entitled to her parents flying her to see bf. She didn’t even ask. She’s planning to get herself there on her own steam, according to what her budget allows, which is driving. Her parent, who can easily afford airfare, is contemplating making an offer to make her trip easier and more comfortable. If she either prefers driving or wants to make a point of living within her means and doing so without financial help, she can politely decline the offer.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t make the offer right now, just for the sake of her convenience, but I would definitely make my Christmas gift to them airfare during the winter, when there could be treacherous driving conditions (unless the whole drive spans places that don’t get snow and ice).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not. Part of being an adult is going through those small struggles of things such as a 14 hr drive to see someone you love. It will make your DC a better adult and help to strengthen their relationship.

I disagree. This is not about being an adult and making smart decisions. It's about safety - 14 hour road trip solo is not safe. She will need to stop half way to reduce the risk. The cost of fuel and a hotel will be about $400. If you help her buy the ticket, you are demonstrating that safety is important to you as is her emotional well being (visiting her longterm boyfriend).

My parents wouldn't have ever done this for me, but they demonstrate over and over (even as an adult) that they don't value my physical or emotional well being. They can demonstrate with words, not money (I'm 50) and they choose not to, because they don't care.

This is one of those times where your actions will speak so loud that it won't matter what you say.

Ridiculous. I've been driving longer than that solo since I was 16. I would be annoyed if my mother wanted to keep me from driving wherever I wanted, particularly in grad school, and chalk it up to her excessive anxiety (which is 100% on point with OP).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s quarter of a century old, she can pay for her own airfare if she wants to go fly to see her boyfriend.

It sounds to me like she wants to drive, which is a good experience for her.

Are you trying to make her sound older than she is? She’s 25 and in grad school. She hasn’t had years and years of paid employment. Her current fully funded position just barely covers her basic necessities. She’s not a spoiled brat who feels entitled to her parents flying her to see bf. She didn’t even ask. She’s planning to get herself there on her own steam, according to what her budget allows, which is driving. Her parent, who can easily afford airfare, is contemplating making an offer to make her trip easier and more comfortable. If she either prefers driving or wants to make a point of living within her means and doing so without financial help, she can politely decline the offer.

DP- above poster is not TRYing to make the DD sound older, because she IS old -no TRY needed. DD is beyond old enough that should be making own choices, do own transportation and use own $ decisions on her own.

[Anonymous]

It’s decisions like asking “do I want to spend my time and $ to drive to see this guy or girl?” that are important to learn your real feelings. DON’T pay for her. Do not offer. Do NOT!

People learn a lot about themselves on drives and a lot about their relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, she can pay for boyfriend visits. But I would pay for her visits home, or for any joint vacations that you take.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s quarter of a century old, she can pay for her own airfare if she wants to go fly to see her boyfriend.

It sounds to me like she wants to drive, which is a good experience for her.

Are you trying to make her sound older than she is? She’s 25 and in grad school. She hasn’t had years and years of paid employment. Her current fully funded position just barely covers her basic necessities. She’s not a spoiled brat who feels entitled to her parents flying her to see bf. She didn’t even ask. She’s planning to get herself there on her own steam, according to what her budget allows, which is driving. Her parent, who can easily afford airfare, is contemplating making an offer to make her trip easier and more comfortable. If she either prefers driving or wants to make a point of living within her means and doing so without financial help, she can politely decline the offer.

DP- above poster is not TRYing to make the DD sound older, because she IS old -no TRY needed. DD is beyond old enough that should be making own choices, do own transportation and use own $ decisions on her own.

A 25 year old is a full fledged adult and should be independent and able to support herself financially, but 25 is still very young. It’s not remotely old. She hasn’t had years of full time employment from which to build savings. She’s still in school. That’s why she is doing the responsible thing and planning to travel by means she can afford.

Having said all that, this isn’t a question about OP’s daughter’s finances. OP is asking for opinions on the wisdom of using his/her financial resources to make their child’s trip safer and more convenient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s quarter of a century old, she can pay for her own airfare if she wants to go fly to see her boyfriend.

It sounds to me like she wants to drive, which is a good experience for her.

Are you trying to make her sound older than she is? She’s 25 and in grad school. She hasn’t had years and years of paid employment. Her current fully funded position just barely covers her basic necessities. She’s not a spoiled brat who feels entitled to her parents flying her to see bf. She didn’t even ask. She’s planning to get herself there on her own steam, according to what her budget allows, which is driving. Her parent, who can easily afford airfare, is contemplating making an offer to make her trip easier and more comfortable. If she either prefers driving or wants to make a point of living within her means and doing so without financial help, she can politely decline the offer.

DP- above poster is not TRYing to make the DD sound older, because she IS old -no TRY needed. DD is beyond old enough that should be making own choices, do own transportation and use own $ decisions on her own.

A 25 year old is a full fledged adult and should be independent and able to support herself financially, but 25 is still very young. It’s not remotely old. She hasn’t had years of full time employment from which to build savings. She’s still in school. That’s why she is doing the responsible thing and planning to travel by means she can afford.

Having said all that, this isn’t a question about OP’s daughter’s finances. OP is asking for opinions on the wisdom of using his/her financial resources to make their child’s trip safer and more convenient.

So then answer is the mom tells the girl to not go at all and to tell the boy to make the effort and he travels to the girl. Most safe and convenient. Problem solved. Or….. the mom stays out of it, which is an even better answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't her boyfriend help pay for the ticket?

This
Why is this OPs business?
Ick !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't her boyfriend help pay for the ticket?

This. What’s the boyfriend’s situation? Is he employed? He should be making the drive (or flight), not your daughter. If it’s for a special event she’s attending with him, he should buy the plane ticket, or at least off to pay towards it.

[Anonymous]

No She's making $15 an hour. She needs to find better job not visit her LD boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

Let her boyfriend pay! He’s the beneficiary of the trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is 25, and in grad school. Thanks to having a fully funded position, she is proudly independent…though definitely on a limited budget (think less than $30,000 a year). I am retired, and have more than enough to live on.

Her serious boyfriend recently moved out of town. She is planning to visit him for the first time, which will require a 14 hour drive (round trip). I am very tempted to offer to pay for a plane ticket instead, which would cost me less than $400. What do you think?

No, you don’t pay. This is their relationship and their time to manage, travel to plan and expenses to pay. Stay out.

If you can afford it, why wouldn't you help your grown kids?!?!? She is in grad school, so living on a tight budget.
Now, I wouldn't fund it all the time, but once every 4-6 weeks, sure.