Paying kids airfare?

[Anonymous]

My now spouse and I were long distance the first year out of college and we figured it out with us alternating trips when we could. I wasn't comfortable taking money from my parents because it just felt like stepping into my relationship.

Like what if you pay a bunch for a trip and then they break up a week later? How will that make you feel about paying? It gets messy.

[Anonymous]

Did she ask? I would pay if she asked. I would not jump in uninvited.

[Anonymous]

See what the young man does first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not. Part of being an adult is going through those small struggles of things such as a 14 hr drive to see someone you love. It will make your DC a better adult and help to strengthen their relationship.

I disagree. This is not about being an adult and making smart decisions. It's about safety - 14 hour road trip solo is not safe. She will need to stop half way to reduce the risk. The cost of fuel and a hotel will be about $400. If you help her buy the ticket, you are demonstrating that safety is important to you as is her emotional well being (visiting her longterm boyfriend).

My parents wouldn't have ever done this for me, but they demonstrate over and over (even as an adult) that they don't value my physical or emotional well being. They can demonstrate with words, not money (I'm 50) and they choose not to, because they don't care.

This is one of those times where your actions will speak so loud that it won't matter what you say.

THis. My kid was going to drive round-trip from Virginia to Mass. for Harvard Law's accepted students' day to save money. I said I would pay. It's about safety. I don't want to deal with an accident on I-95.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not. Part of being an adult is going through those small struggles of things such as a 14 hr drive to see someone you love. It will make your DC a better adult and help to strengthen their relationship.

I disagree. This is not about being an adult and making smart decisions. It's about safety - 14 hour road trip solo is not safe. She will need to stop half way to reduce the risk. The cost of fuel and a hotel will be about $400. If you help her buy the ticket, you are demonstrating that safety is important to you as is her emotional well being (visiting her longterm boyfriend).

My parents wouldn't have ever done this for me, but they demonstrate over and over (even as an adult) that they don't value my physical or emotional well being. They can demonstrate with words, not money (I'm 50) and they choose not to, because they don't care.

This is one of those times where your actions will speak so loud that it won't matter what you say.

THis. My kid was going to drive round-trip from Virginia to Mass. for Harvard Law's accepted students' day to save money. I said I would pay. It's about safety. I don't want to deal with an accident on I-95.

Oh how that got in there?!?!

[Anonymous]

Also is that 7 hours or 14 hours one way? Not clear how you used roundtrip.

A day's drive on safe highways is pretty normal.

I drive 9 hours to DC instead of flying to keep my own car on vacations. I would have driven 7 hours alone as a young woman.

When you get into two days drive or a very exhausting one day drive, that's a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is 25, and in grad school. Thanks to having a fully funded position, she is proudly independent…though definitely on a limited budget (think less than $30,000 a year). I am retired, and have more than enough to live on.

Her serious boyfriend recently moved out of town. She is planning to visit him for the first time, which will require a 14 hour drive (round trip). I am very tempted to offer to pay for a plane ticket instead, which would cost me less than $400. What do you think?

Do it OP. Listen to your heart. She's in grad school. She's a good kid.

I'd be more worried about her driving 14hrs alone than $400 bucks!

[Anonymous]

Seven hours each way is not a big deal.

That being said when my son was long distance with his girlfriend, I offered to fly him twice a year to visit her because I’m nice.

It did not ever deter from him growing up to be a wonderful adult.

[Anonymous]

He should be driving to see her.

[Anonymous]

Paying so she can get her groove on. nice.

[Anonymous]

Yes do it. She sounds like a great kid, this isn’t going to make her any less independent and she’ll appreciate that you’re looking out for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is 25, and in grad school. Thanks to having a fully funded position, she is proudly independent…though definitely on a limited budget (think less than $30,000 a year). I am retired, and have more than enough to live on.

Her serious boyfriend recently moved out of town. She is planning to visit him for the first time, which will require a 14 hour drive (round trip). I am very tempted to offer to pay for a plane ticket instead, which would cost me less than $400. What do you think?

My vote is to pay. She worked hard to earn free grad education, is going to meet a serious partner, you can afford to help. Make it easier for her.

[Anonymous]

He should pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm usually pro funding adult kids, for family vacations, etc but just to hang out with her bf? Nah. Driving 7h one way is not that crazy. I got married 7-8h away and I had to make this drive many times. Take a break half way for some food and she'll be fine.

+1 agree on paying for kids to visit you, attend family weddings and events, etc. This feels pretty random, OP

I say meeting her potential spouse is more important than attending a cousin's wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He should be driving to see her.

Yes. As my grandmother told all of her granddaughters “He should love you more than you love him.”
I thought terrible advice but now in my 50s- it’s true.