Childless BIL Planning Bizarre Visit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In all fairness, you are really not going to visit your BIL. You are looking for a free place to stay. If you were visiting, he would have some say in what you as a group are doing. So, maybe you should just get a hotel in Manhattan.

BIL doesn't have a large enough apartment for us to stay. We're spending a ton on a hotel.

Then I don’t understand the problem. Tell him what you’re doing. Invite him to join. It’s up to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The event sounds fun and like a good option but I also totally get where you are coming from with the pushing ideals onto families/kids in an antagonistic way.

My SIL bought my 3 y/o son makeup and a dress this past Xmas. Shes very into the whole gender bending/ gender exploration thing and I know she doesn’t feel we are progressive enough and inserts her beliefs in this kind of way. Its obnoxious. My toddler won’t be wearing makeup and I’m not going to put him in a dress he didn’t ask for to make a statement. He can and will make his own choices as he grows up and voices/executes his own style.

That’s really annoying. My MIL bought my 8 year old DD a cheerleader outfit and talked all about how she’s so tiny the boys could pick her up, and I also found that obnoxious and shut it down.

Generally people should be respectful of parents’ views and how they are raising their kids. I wouldn’t feed meat to a kid being raised vegetarian, for example!

If I were doing NYC I’d do the natural history museum and other kid friendly stuff. Drag story time has never been on my list - I’m not against it, I just don’t see the point at all - but even if it were I could do that at home. Doesn’t seem like the sort of thing you travel to NYC for!

[Anonymous]

Bil seems annoying. Just visit NYC your way and if bil wants to join then great

[Anonymous]

What exactly are controversial books? Like 2 dad families or trans people? He probably thinks you're conservative and stunting your kids.

[Anonymous]

That’s not a “bizarre visit” - that’s you not being interested in an activity he’s suggesting. Just say “no thanks.” Also street fairs in Brooklyn are not the same as your suburban farmers market. It’s ok that you’re not into it but fixating on the drag thing is what makes you sound trolly or over dramatic.

[Anonymous]

I'd just thank him for the ideas and tell him you are leaving it up to the kids and what they want and setting your schedule and locking it down. Not that I'd want to stick to touristy things, but I definitely wouldn't want to waste a day in Brooklyn if I was in NYC for only 2.5 days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are taking our kids (ages 7 and 5) to visit my BIL in NYC for a weekend this fall. Our kids have never been there and want to do all the touristy things. We've booked a tour of the Statue of Liberty already. We know we won't have time to do everything we want to do in this trip in just 2.5 days, so we need to prioritize.

BIL lives in Brooklyn and wants to show off his neighborhood. We're happy to spend some time there and he originally suggested Prospect Park and the train museum, which we were totally on board with. Then, today, he sent us info for a Brooklyn open streets fair featuring drag storytime. DH pushed back, saying we can go to street festivals at home, and would prefer to do things we can ONLY do in NYC. He's insisting this is more than a festival and will expose our kids to his neighborhood in unique ways. I looked it up and there are lots of other flyers he could have sent us that don't prominently feature drag storytime and explain a little more about the rest of the festival (which, honestly, doesn't look drastically different from the closed-street farmers markets and festivals we go to regularly at home).

DH is moderate Democrat and BIL is a socialist and it's caused tension throughout their lives. BIL regularly buys our kids books about progressive topics (intentionally choosing controversial books) in ways that feels like he's trying to push an agenda. So part of me thinks BIL is pushing this open streets thing as a way to take his nieces to drag storytime or to try to force DH into taking a stand against it, because he loves to push buttons. If he wants to expose kids to progressive socialism, he should have his own kids.

Just don't take the bait.

You said the visit is this fall - so not next weekend/probably not for awhile. Drop the topic for now, and when the weekend gets close, buy the tickets for the train museum and then plan a picnic in Prospect Park and send a message saying, hey, we thought about the street festival and decided to stick with the original plan of museum and park. See you soon!

I have a family member like this. They want to have the conversation so badly. You just can't go there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What exactly are controversial books? Like 2 dad families or trans people? He probably thinks you're conservative and stunting your kids.

My kids have a good friend with two moms and their swim teacher is non-binary. We're really not secretly MAGA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are taking our kids (ages 7 and 5) to visit my BIL in NYC for a weekend this fall. Our kids have never been there and want to do all the touristy things. We've booked a tour of the Statue of Liberty already. We know we won't have time to do everything we want to do in this trip in just 2.5 days, so we need to prioritize.

BIL lives in Brooklyn and wants to show off his neighborhood. We're happy to spend some time there and he originally suggested Prospect Park and the train museum, which we were totally on board with. Then, today, he sent us info for a Brooklyn open streets fair featuring drag storytime. DH pushed back, saying we can go to street festivals at home, and would prefer to do things we can ONLY do in NYC. He's insisting this is more than a festival and will expose our kids to his neighborhood in unique ways. I looked it up and there are lots of other flyers he could have sent us that don't prominently feature drag storytime and explain a little more about the rest of the festival (which, honestly, doesn't look drastically different from the closed-street farmers markets and festivals we go to regularly at home).

DH is moderate Democrat and BIL is a socialist and it's caused tension throughout their lives. BIL regularly buys our kids books about progressive topics (intentionally choosing controversial books) in ways that feels like he's trying to push an agenda. So part of me thinks BIL is pushing this open streets thing as a way to take his nieces to drag storytime or to try to force DH into taking a stand against it, because he loves to push buttons. If he wants to expose kids to progressive socialism, he should have his own kids.

Just don't take the bait.

You said the visit is this fall - so not next weekend/probably not for awhile. Drop the topic for now, and when the weekend gets close, buy the tickets for the train museum and then plan a picnic in Prospect Park and send a message saying, hey, we thought about the street festival and decided to stick with the original plan of museum and park. See you soon!

I have a family member like this. They want to have the conversation so badly. You just can't go there.

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

So you and your husband have an issue with drag?
Share that with your BIL. Or have your husband do so.

Stay in a hotel and don't expect him to be so welcoming or offer up suggestions the next go round.

[Anonymous]

Let your kids have a memorable weekend with their fun uncle. Otherwise, don’t pretend you’re visiting him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I looked it up and there's no drag storyline themed street fair in Brooklyn so either this person is trolling or decided to make at best, a single event at a larger street fair their entire focus?

But NYC street fairs are different so I dunno what the objection is. That's very Brooklyn. Otherwise just take the subway in and take your kids to the Metropolitan Museum and Central Park. Can't get more classic NYC than that.

That's my point. BIL sent us a flyer for this open streets thing that prominently features drag storytime, but when I looked up the event separately, drag storytime is barely mentioned. Which makes me think he's just trying to be controversial by choosing that flyer over the more accurate marketing materials for the event.

I don't think you need to read into this.

If you're staying in a hotel you send him your itinerary or just say "we're free Sunday from 2-6." You said in your original post "were going to visit BIL" but you're not really - you're going to visit NYC. Clarity and directness helps a lot of these things.

[Anonymous]

Well, BIL sounds very Brooklyn.

Your 5 and 7 year old would appreciate the Museum of Natural History and the Discovery Room there.
The transit museum is pretty great. Riding the subway is pretty great too - be in the first car looking out the front window. Grand Central's interesting to see trains, then grab something to eat at the Oyster Bar. Make sure to whisper into the corners of the vaulted square opening in front of the entry because the acoustical effects are fun for the kids. The transit museum still has a shop in GCT I think. My kids spent hours there.

Are the kids boys? The Arms and Armor section of the Met is pretty fascinating for boys. The Cloisters is very beautiful and a quiet part of town. Seeing the Rosary Bead there alone is worth the visit (if on display).
Legos and Nintendo at Rockefeller Center might be fun for them. A stroll through the Diamond District during business hours is always interesting - the Hasidim and wise guys right out of a Coppola movie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd just thank him for the ideas and tell him you are leaving it up to the kids and what they want and setting your schedule and locking it down. Not that I'd want to stick to touristy things, but I definitely wouldn't want to waste a day in Brooklyn if I was in NYC for only 2.5 days.

A day in Brooklyn is never wasted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd just thank him for the ideas and tell him you are leaving it up to the kids and what they want and setting your schedule and locking it down. Not that I'd want to stick to touristy things, but I definitely wouldn't want to waste a day in Brooklyn if I was in NYC for only 2.5 days.

A day in Brooklyn is never wasted.

It could be if you spend the day at a street fair instead of the Brooklyn Bridge or Coney Island or Prospect Park or the Transit Museum. If you lived there, then, sure, spend the day at the street thing, but if you're touristing, then get the full tourist experience.