Childless BIL Planning Bizarre Visit

[Anonymous]

DH and I are taking our kids (ages 7 and 5) to visit my BIL in NYC for a weekend this fall. Our kids have never been there and want to do all the touristy things. We've booked a tour of the Statue of Liberty already. We know we won't have time to do everything we want to do in this trip in just 2.5 days, so we need to prioritize.

BIL lives in Brooklyn and wants to show off his neighborhood. We're happy to spend some time there and he originally suggested Prospect Park and the train museum, which we were totally on board with. Then, today, he sent us info for a Brooklyn open streets fair featuring drag storytime. DH pushed back, saying we can go to street festivals at home, and would prefer to do things we can ONLY do in NYC. He's insisting this is more than a festival and will expose our kids to his neighborhood in unique ways. I looked it up and there are lots of other flyers he could have sent us that don't prominently feature drag storytime and explain a little more about the rest of the festival (which, honestly, doesn't look drastically different from the closed-street farmers markets and festivals we go to regularly at home).

DH is moderate Democrat and BIL is a socialist and it's caused tension throughout their lives. BIL regularly buys our kids books about progressive topics (intentionally choosing controversial books) in ways that feels like he's trying to push an agenda. So part of me thinks BIL is pushing this open streets thing as a way to take his nieces to drag storytime or to try to force DH into taking a stand against it, because he loves to push buttons. If he wants to expose kids to progressive socialism, he should have his own kids.

[Anonymous]

I dislike drag anything, but posting about this really smacks of trolling, OP. If this is real, just say no, and if he insists, just give him your schedule and say he's welcome to join at any time. You don't need to make this into a whole fight about the propriety or impropriety of drag.

[Anonymous]

Ew, if youre so MAGA you should avoid NYC in general.

[Anonymous]

Can you change the weekend of your trip?

P.S. Drag queens are not an example of socialism.

[Anonymous]

I’d just tell him you would love to join him doing X & Y but will pass on Z and would be happy to meet up after.

Assuming you are staying at a hotel & not with BIL.

Ignore (and don’t involve yourself in) the difficulties in the sibling dynamic between DH and his brother unless DH needs someone to listen.

[Anonymous]

In all fairness, you are really not going to visit your BIL. You are looking for a free place to stay. If you were visiting, he would have some say in what you as a group are doing. So, maybe you should just get a hotel in Manhattan.

[Anonymous]

Simple, don’t stay at his place and don’t call the purpose of your trip “a visit to BIL.” That way you won’t look rude for refusing a request from your host.

[Anonymous]

I suspect OP is staying at BIL's apartment. Maybe you should find an airbnb, share your schedule, and plan to meet up somewhere. You can always explain that you're not sure what your kids will need since they're young and may need early bedtimes and don't want to inconvenience him. I haven't been to NYC in a long time but I wouldn't expect to have a jam packed itinerary with kids the ages of your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In all fairness, you are really not going to visit your BIL. You are looking for a free place to stay. If you were visiting, he would have some say in what you as a group are doing. So, maybe you should just get a hotel in Manhattan.

This. You just want to visit NYC and see the sights, and if BIL tags along, great. But you're not going to see *him* or let him show you *his NYC.* Just the typical tourist drivel.

[Anonymous]

Just stick with your "we don't want to do a street fair, we can do that at home. We want to do more NYC specific stuff."

It's perfectly reasonable and also factual and also non political. Done.

[Anonymous]

If they are 5-7 they might actually enjoy the drag story time, which I'm not certain but probably involves a man in a dress reading a book to kids sitting criss-cross appple sauce. Because who wants to be dragged around NYC at that age, too much walking, their legs are short and their attention spans are minimal and NYC is loud.

[Anonymous]

I looked it up and there's no drag storyline themed street fair in Brooklyn so either this person is trolling or decided to make at best, a single event at a larger street fair their entire focus?

But NYC street fairs are different so I dunno what the objection is. That's very Brooklyn. Otherwise just take the subway in and take your kids to the Metropolitan Museum and Central Park. Can't get more classic NYC than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are taking our kids (ages 7 and 5) to visit my BIL in NYC for a weekend this fall. Our kids have never been there and want to do all the touristy things. We've booked a tour of the Statue of Liberty already. We know we won't have time to do everything we want to do in this trip in just 2.5 days, so we need to prioritize.

BIL lives in Brooklyn and wants to show off his neighborhood. We're happy to spend some time there and he originally suggested Prospect Park and the train museum, which we were totally on board with. Then, today, he sent us info for a Brooklyn open streets fair featuring drag storytime. DH pushed back, saying we can go to street festivals at home, and would prefer to do things we can ONLY do in NYC. He's insisting this is more than a festival and will expose our kids to his neighborhood in unique ways. I looked it up and there are lots of other flyers he could have sent us that don't prominently feature drag storytime and explain a little more about the rest of the festival (which, honestly, doesn't look drastically different from the closed-street farmers markets and festivals we go to regularly at home).

DH is moderate Democrat and BIL is a socialist and it's caused tension throughout their lives. BIL regularly buys our kids books about progressive topics (intentionally choosing controversial books) in ways that feels like he's trying to push an agenda. So part of me thinks BIL is pushing this open streets thing as a way to take his nieces to drag storytime or to try to force DH into taking a stand against it, because he loves to push buttons. If he wants to expose kids to progressive socialism, he should have his own kids.

Your attitude is ridiculous. Are you planning to send your kids to college someday? You can't prevent them from exposure to the world. It's okay for them to see a little slice of the life of their liberal uncle - it's not going to ruin them. If you take this attitude the whole time you are raising them, you are more than likely going to drive them to reject your values (and bigotry?) by your controlling behavior. They are not your property, they are their own people. If one of them grows up to be a socialist, will you cease to love and support them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are taking our kids (ages 7 and 5) to visit my BIL in NYC for a weekend this fall. Our kids have never been there and want to do all the touristy things. We've booked a tour of the Statue of Liberty already. We know we won't have time to do everything we want to do in this trip in just 2.5 days, so we need to prioritize.

BIL lives in Brooklyn and wants to show off his neighborhood. We're happy to spend some time there and he originally suggested Prospect Park and the train museum, which we were totally on board with. Then, today, he sent us info for a Brooklyn open streets fair featuring drag storytime. DH pushed back, saying we can go to street festivals at home, and would prefer to do things we can ONLY do in NYC. He's insisting this is more than a festival and will expose our kids to his neighborhood in unique ways. I looked it up and there are lots of other flyers he could have sent us that don't prominently feature drag storytime and explain a little more about the rest of the festival (which, honestly, doesn't look drastically different from the closed-street farmers markets and festivals we go to regularly at home).

DH is moderate Democrat and BIL is a socialist and it's caused tension throughout their lives. BIL regularly buys our kids books about progressive topics (intentionally choosing controversial books) in ways that feels like he's trying to push an agenda. So part of me thinks BIL is pushing this open streets thing as a way to take his nieces to drag storytime or to try to force DH into taking a stand against it, because he loves to push buttons. If he wants to expose kids to progressive socialism, he should have his own kids.

Your attitude is ridiculous. Are you planning to send your kids to college someday? You can't prevent them from exposure to the world. It's okay for them to see a little slice of the life of their liberal uncle - it's not going to ruin them. If you take this attitude the whole time you are raising them, you are more than likely going to drive them to reject your values (and bigotry?) by your controlling behavior. They are not your property, they are their own people. If one of them grows up to be a socialist, will you cease to love and support them?

PS - people like you, who seek to control the way their children see the world and the people they grow up to become, are the people least well suited to be parents.

[Anonymous]

I live in NYC. The Open Streets program is fun for kids. You can skip the drag storytime, but either way you won't see anything worse there than you will in Times Square.