Childless BIL Planning Bizarre Visit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In all fairness, you are really not going to visit your BIL. You are looking for a free place to stay. If you were visiting, he would have some say in what you as a group are doing. So, maybe you should just get a hotel in Manhattan.

Agree. He probably sees kids and families having fun in his neighborhood and wants to experience that with your DCs. My kids at the age would have been happier at Open Streets than trekking to stand in line to see a boring statue on an island in NJ.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In all fairness, you are really not going to visit your BIL. You are looking for a free place to stay. If you were visiting, he would have some say in what you as a group are doing. So, maybe you should just get a hotel in Manhattan.

BIL doesn't have a large enough apartment for us to stay. We're spending a ton on a hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I looked it up and there's no drag storyline themed street fair in Brooklyn so either this person is trolling or decided to make at best, a single event at a larger street fair their entire focus?

But NYC street fairs are different so I dunno what the objection is. That's very Brooklyn. Otherwise just take the subway in and take your kids to the Metropolitan Museum and Central Park. Can't get more classic NYC than that.

That's my point. BIL sent us a flyer for this open streets thing that prominently features drag storytime, but when I looked up the event separately, drag storytime is barely mentioned. Which makes me think he's just trying to be controversial by choosing that flyer over the more accurate marketing materials for the event.

[Anonymous]

He won’t force you to go so just say no thank you and go to the NYC sights.

[Anonymous]

This seems like such a stupid thing to worry about. No wonder people think you're a troll.

[Anonymous]

Is bil gay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I looked it up and there's no drag storyline themed street fair in Brooklyn so either this person is trolling or decided to make at best, a single event at a larger street fair their entire focus?

But NYC street fairs are different so I dunno what the objection is. That's very Brooklyn. Otherwise just take the subway in and take your kids to the Metropolitan Museum and Central Park. Can't get more classic NYC than that.

That's my point. BIL sent us a flyer for this open streets thing that prominently features drag storytime, but when I looked up the event separately, drag storytime is barely mentioned. Which makes me think he's just trying to be controversial by choosing that flyer over the more accurate marketing materials for the event.

Or... it was the one he had dropped in his mailbox? You desperately need to let this go.

[Anonymous]

You are visiting him as a guest, so he does get a say. If you didn’t want to visit him then get a hotel. I think his idea sounds great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In all fairness, you are really not going to visit your BIL. You are looking for a free place to stay. If you were visiting, he would have some say in what you as a group are doing. So, maybe you should just get a hotel in Manhattan.

Agree. He probably sees kids and families having fun in his neighborhood and wants to experience that with your DCs. My kids at the age would have been happier at Open Streets than trekking to stand in line to see a boring statue on an island in NJ.

I will refrain from commenting on the rest of the thread, but this last part is so true. Go see the Statue. Don't tour it. It is so incredibly boring for young kids. And hot as hell inside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are taking our kids (ages 7 and 5) to visit my BIL in NYC for a weekend this fall. Our kids have never been there and want to do all the touristy things. We've booked a tour of the Statue of Liberty already. We know we won't have time to do everything we want to do in this trip in just 2.5 days, so we need to prioritize.

BIL lives in Brooklyn and wants to show off his neighborhood. We're happy to spend some time there and he originally suggested Prospect Park and the train museum, which we were totally on board with. Then, today, he sent us info for a Brooklyn open streets fair featuring drag storytime. DH pushed back, saying we can go to street festivals at home, and would prefer to do things we can ONLY do in NYC. He's insisting this is more than a festival and will expose our kids to his neighborhood in unique ways. I looked it up and there are lots of other flyers he could have sent us that don't prominently feature drag storytime and explain a little more about the rest of the festival (which, honestly, doesn't look drastically different from the closed-street farmers markets and festivals we go to regularly at home).

DH is moderate Democrat and BIL is a socialist and it's caused tension throughout their lives. BIL regularly buys our kids books about progressive topics (intentionally choosing controversial books) in ways that feels like he's trying to push an agenda. So part of me thinks BIL is pushing this open streets thing as a way to take his nieces to drag storytime or to try to force DH into taking a stand against it, because he loves to push buttons. If he wants to expose kids to progressive socialism, he should have his own kids.

My BIL (DH’s brother) is like this but on the other side of the aisle. He buys our kids things like Bill O Reilly book for kids, Trump coloring book and more. And IMO he does it just to p*ss us off.

I can see why this would bother you. To me, it is no different than family that keeps sending super conservative and/or religious books to your kids- when they know full well that you are not religious/conservative. If it happens regularly it can really be a bit disrespectful and seem like intentional needling and button pushing. If they then suggested an event at their megachurch when your visit, it is understandable that you would be wary.

Even if BIL is truly just suggesting an event that he thinks would be fun (and that may well be the case) it is understandable that DH might be prickly about it based on past history.

That said, if you are staying with him, that is not a good idea. You can’t have it both ways. Get a hotel & then tell BIL what activities you will and not be joining. You don’t need to be together 24/7 and can easily just meet up with him before or after, if something doesn’t interest you.

[Anonymous]

The event sounds fun and like a good option but I also totally get where you are coming from with the pushing ideals onto families/kids in an antagonistic way.

My SIL bought my 3 y/o son makeup and a dress this past Xmas. Shes very into the whole gender bending/ gender exploration thing and I know she doesn’t feel we are progressive enough and inserts her beliefs in this kind of way. Its obnoxious. My toddler won’t be wearing makeup and I’m not going to put him in a dress he didn’t ask for to make a statement. He can and will make his own choices as he grows up and voices/executes his own style.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In all fairness, you are really not going to visit your BIL. You are looking for a free place to stay. If you were visiting, he would have some say in what you as a group are doing. So, maybe you should just get a hotel in Manhattan.

+1. Just get a hotel. Then you can stick to your own schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The event sounds fun and like a good option but I also totally get where you are coming from with the pushing ideals onto families/kids in an antagonistic way.

My SIL bought my 3 y/o son makeup and a dress this past Xmas. Shes very into the whole gender bending/ gender exploration thing and I know she doesn’t feel we are progressive enough and inserts her beliefs in this kind of way. Its obnoxious. My toddler won’t be wearing makeup and I’m not going to put him in a dress he didn’t ask for to make a statement. He can and will make his own choices as he grows up and voices/executes his own style.

This thread isn’t about you.

[Anonymous]

Look, OP, the fact is you’re not going to visit your BIL. You’re going to NYC to see the sights and your BIL happens to live in Brooklyn. If you were going to visit your BIL you’d stay in Brooklyn near his place and do what he wants to do and allow him to bond with your kids. Your kids, btw, would much rather hang with your BIL and go to a fun drag story hour than trudge all over the city doing tourist bullshit that they’re really too young to appreciate and probably won’t even remember.

[Anonymous]

Sidebar the train museum is actually really cool if they are the right ages.