Friend separated from spouse but didn't say anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I’m in the minority here but I think you could reach out and say you heard her mention the kids being with their dad and you hadn’t realized they were separated. I’d offer to be a sounding board if she ever needed one and leave it at that. I think that’s offering support without prying. It’s not like you heard it through the grapevine.

Op here. This is basically what I was thinking of texting, but I am paying attention to the many people saying not to do anything as I think more about this.

The thing I return to in my debates with myself is that I think I'd feel bad if people knew something like that about me but didn't say anything. I tend to isolate when sad and that would make me feel more isolated. I hope she did tell people closer to her and is getting support. I don't know if mentioning her kids were somewhere else was her way of telling the group since otherwise she didn't need to say anything at all. She's pretty quiet.

Ehhhh I’m in the middle of a separation which has been pretty horrible. I have told close family and friends and while it’s not a secret at all, it’s interesting to randomly hear from people who otherwise don’t get in contact. It honestly makes me kind of feel like they just want to know the story of what’s going on and I don’t feel like sharing it with people that are on the fringe side of friendship. I would just let her mention it again in person and then you can say something but I wouldn’t specifically reach out. FWIW I’ve already been separated for seven months and things are getting worse not better, so I’m in no mood to talk about it.

Im sorry we’re all in this boat. NP and I’m in the early stages and the one friend I had to fully confide in for logistics reasons (lives nearby and our kids share rides so it would have been obvious) has been really pushy with the information. Including calling randomly to check on me, which sounds nice in theory, but then pushing for details down to what I’ve talked to the lawyers about and telling me how I’m doing it wrong, which isn’t nice. Especially since she’s doing it from the position of being happily married.

My theory is that others want as much detail as possible in the hopes that it will innoculate themselves against misfortune.

It’s very isolating because I don’t feel like I can confide in anyone and I also feel (accurately) like people are starting to gossip behind my back. Thank goodness my kid was already starting at a new school this year because the moms at old school would have been awful. Some of them are already dipping into my texts and I’m firmly redirecting them so I’m sure they’re telling everyone I’m rude.

DH is the one causing all of the difficulty but no one is saying a word to him and he just goes to work and does his thing like nothing happened. I wish there was a way to put what he did on billboards around the city without jeopardizing my kid’s social life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I’m in the minority here but I think you could reach out and say you heard her mention the kids being with their dad and you hadn’t realized they were separated. I’d offer to be a sounding board if she ever needed one and leave it at that. I think that’s offering support without prying. It’s not like you heard it through the grapevine.

Yuck! Don't be a busybody! Mind your own damn business.

[Anonymous]

The friend clearly did not want to make a big deal of it within the group. Op if you want to reach out to her just do it as a general thing to go out for coffee like you two normally do. And if you don’t feel comfortable doing that because you two don't go out alone together or catch up like that, then that's exactly why you shouldn't broach the divorce subject.