Thinking back as a mom, was Kate Gosselin really that bad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. This is interesting to me, to see many responses on the spooning? I don’t think I could name one friend or relative who was not spanked or had a parent use something like a sandal or spoon. We even had other people’s grandparents disciplining us as kids.

How old are you? My oldest is in his 40s and none of the other parents I knew were spanking their kids at that time. And using an object to hit your kids with was definitely thought of as outrageous.

(DP). Im 44. I was spanked, my brothers got the belt when they were really bad.

I don’t spank my kids but I know two other moms who used a wooden spoon / spatula on their kids, 5-10 years ago. They freely talked about it, the one mom who used the spatula called it a “spatchie pop” lol. This was in the country, I think it’s still prevalent in rural areas.

Kate’s behavior didn’t seem that bad to me. I was raised by less than stellar parents though…

Another DP, 43 - our mom hit us with a wooden spoon (which is actually to this day a running joke because it never hurt) and our dad beat the crap out of us with belts, sometimes the buckle end. I knew when it was happening that our belt "spankings" were more abusive than what happened to other kids but there was plenty of cover for them because spankings were incredibly mainstream in general - if we said we got a whooping the reaction was "yeah because your parents care about you" not "OMG as a mandatory reporter I am outraged!"

[Anonymous]

People saying she chose to have that many also didn’t do infertility treatments in the early 2000’s. We know a lot more now. It was not nearly as well controlled.
Yes, she could have reduced. That is not my position to judge her for, or to say what I would have done in that situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m with you OP. I think she was in a terrible position and her husband acted like a child.
I was raising multiples during the same time period (although half of what she had), and I don’t think most people have any idea of how hard it was and what a toll it takes on your body physically as well as emotionally. She had six premature babies and some of their issues may stem from prematurity and developmental delays. She seemed to handle the bulk of child rearing and making the income. She also probably got a really bad edit because it is reality TV after all. She did lots of things I disagree with but some of you saying she was controlling have never taken toddler multiples out in public and it shows.

I agree with this take. I remember the episode where one of the kids was given some chewing gum by a babysitter and she had a full-on meltdown. The babysitter could not understand what the big deal was, but I got it instantly. If something had gone sideways with the gum - stuck in hair/clothes/furniture... it would totally derail what I imagine needed to be a very tightly controlled schedule with that many young kids. It wasn't the gum per se, but really ANYTHING that was perceived as a threat to the routine. What she needed was another highly organized and disciplined person in the house, but she has easy-going, clueless Jon. She should have used that TLC money to bring in a full-time nanny/housekeeper to help, but that wouldn't have made for very good television.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. This is interesting to me, to see many responses on the spooning? I don’t think I could name one friend or relative who was not spanked or had a parent use something like a sandal or spoon. We even had other people’s grandparents disciplining us as kids.

How old are you? My oldest is in his 40s and none of the other parents I knew were spanking their kids at that time. And using an object to hit your kids with was definitely thought of as outrageous.

(DP). Im 44. I was spanked, my brothers got the belt when they were really bad.

I don’t spank my kids but I know two other moms who used a wooden spoon / spatula on their kids, 5-10 years ago. They freely talked about it, the one mom who used the spatula called it a “spatchie pop” lol. This was in the country, I think it’s still prevalent in rural areas.

Kate’s behavior didn’t seem that bad to me. I was raised by less than stellar parents though…

Another DP, 43 - our mom hit us with a wooden spoon (which is actually to this day a running joke because it never hurt) and our dad beat the crap out of us with belts, sometimes the buckle end. I knew when it was happening that our belt "spankings" were more abusive than what happened to other kids but there was plenty of cover for them because spankings were incredibly mainstream in general - if we said we got a whooping the reaction was "yeah because your parents care about you" not "OMG as a mandatory reporter I am outraged!"

My oldest is a couple of years younger than you, so I was a parent to young children at the same time your parents were. Spanking was not considered mainstream during that time. I’m sorry you experienced what you did- that was not at all the norm at that time. I never spanked my children and none of the parents I knew did either. Yes, some may have given a quick swat on a diapered bottom every so often, but they felt really, really bad about that swat and talked about how guilty they felt about it with their mom friends.

Your parents sound like a throwback to the time when I was I child in the 60s and spanking was definitely more mainstream. By the 80s, it was looked down on by the general public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m with you OP. I think she was in a terrible position and her husband acted like a child.
I was raising multiples during the same time period (although half of what she had), and I don’t think most people have any idea of how hard it was and what a toll it takes on your body physically as well as emotionally. She had six premature babies and some of their issues may stem from prematurity and developmental delays. She seemed to handle the bulk of child rearing and making the income. She also probably got a really bad edit because it is reality TV after all. She did lots of things I disagree with but some of you saying she was controlling have never taken toddler multiples out in public and it shows.

I agree with this take. I remember the episode where one of the kids was given some chewing gum by a babysitter and she had a full-on meltdown. The babysitter could not understand what the big deal was, but I got it instantly. If something had gone sideways with the gum - stuck in hair/clothes/furniture... it would totally derail what I imagine needed to be a very tightly controlled schedule with that many young kids. It wasn't the gum per se, but really ANYTHING that was perceived as a threat to the routine. What she needed was another highly organized and disciplined person in the house, but she has easy-going, clueless Jon. She should have used that TLC money to bring in a full-time nanny/housekeeper to help, but that wouldn't have made for very good television.

She was set up to fail again and again for entertainment’s sake. Nobody without cameras following them around was going to take the whole brood to Home Depot on a Saturday morning. But there Kate was snapping her fingers at Jon yelling at everyone to stay in line. She did it for the money because she was probably terrified about the financial impact of so many kids. Anyone else would have just sent one parent to run the errand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m with you OP. I think she was in a terrible position and her husband acted like a child.
I was raising multiples during the same time period (although half of what she had), and I don’t think most people have any idea of how hard it was and what a toll it takes on your body physically as well as emotionally. She had six premature babies and some of their issues may stem from prematurity and developmental delays. She seemed to handle the bulk of child rearing and making the income. She also probably got a really bad edit because it is reality TV after all. She did lots of things I disagree with but some of you saying she was controlling have never taken toddler multiples out in public and it shows.

I agree with this take. I remember the episode where one of the kids was given some chewing gum by a babysitter and she had a full-on meltdown. The babysitter could not understand what the big deal was, but I got it instantly. If something had gone sideways with the gum - stuck in hair/clothes/furniture... it would totally derail what I imagine needed to be a very tightly controlled schedule with that many young kids. It wasn't the gum per se, but really ANYTHING that was perceived as a threat to the routine. What she needed was another highly organized and disciplined person in the house, but she has easy-going, clueless Jon. She should have used that TLC money to bring in a full-time nanny/housekeeper to help, but that wouldn't have made for very good television.

She did have nannies and housekeepers apparently. And the problem with the gum incident was that she punished the child in a particularly cruel way by threatening to throw away a teddy bear that he loved. And for doing something that the babysitter had allowed him to do!

[Anonymous]

Sharing her life and kids so publicly is abusive in itself. Narcissistic. Maybe if she hadn’t done that, and kept herself to herself…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. This is interesting to me, to see many responses on the spooning? I don’t think I could name one friend or relative who was not spanked or had a parent use something like a sandal or spoon. We even had other people’s grandparents disciplining us as kids.

How old are you? My oldest is in his 40s and none of the other parents I knew were spanking their kids at that time. And using an object to hit your kids with was definitely thought of as outrageous.

(DP). Im 44. I was spanked, my brothers got the belt when they were really bad.

I don’t spank my kids but I know two other moms who used a wooden spoon / spatula on their kids, 5-10 years ago. They freely talked about it, the one mom who used the spatula called it a “spatchie pop” lol. This was in the country, I think it’s still prevalent in rural areas.

Kate’s behavior didn’t seem that bad to me. I was raised by less than stellar parents though…

Another DP, 43 - our mom hit us with a wooden spoon (which is actually to this day a running joke because it never hurt) and our dad beat the crap out of us with belts, sometimes the buckle end. I knew when it was happening that our belt "spankings" were more abusive than what happened to other kids but there was plenty of cover for them because spankings were incredibly mainstream in general - if we said we got a whooping the reaction was "yeah because your parents care about you" not "OMG as a mandatory reporter I am outraged!"

My oldest is a couple of years younger than you, so I was a parent to young children at the same time your parents were. Spanking was not considered mainstream during that time. I’m sorry you experienced what you did- that was not at all the norm at that time. I never spanked my children and none of the parents I knew did either. Yes, some may have given a quick swat on a diapered bottom every so often, but they felt really, really bad about that swat and talked about how guilty they felt about it with their mom friends.

Your parents sound like a throwback to the time when I was I child in the 60s and spanking was definitely more mainstream. By the 80s, it was looked down on by the general public.

I'm here to tell you that we told people when we got whoopings (understood in the parlance to be "worse than a spanking" but not necessarily abusive) and the reaction ranged from "good for your parents" (from adults at school/church) to "I bet I get it worse/ did you have to pick your own switch?" from kids. It was very much considered normal although there were likely some families that did not use any physical punishment. I remember when they took corporal punishment out of schools and it was controversial. A signficant contingent of parents were very much against it - when I was in elementary school you could still sign a paper saying you gave the principal permission to spank your kid. This was in a wealthy suburb in Texas in the late 80s/early 90s, not a holler in Appalachia in the 60s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m with you OP. I think she was in a terrible position and her husband acted like a child.
I was raising multiples during the same time period (although half of what she had), and I don’t think most people have any idea of how hard it was and what a toll it takes on your body physically as well as emotionally. She had six premature babies and some of their issues may stem from prematurity and developmental delays. She seemed to handle the bulk of child rearing and making the income. She also probably got a really bad edit because it is reality TV after all. She did lots of things I disagree with but some of you saying she was controlling have never taken toddler multiples out in public and it shows.

I agree with this take. I remember the episode where one of the kids was given some chewing gum by a babysitter and she had a full-on meltdown. The babysitter could not understand what the big deal was, but I got it instantly. If something had gone sideways with the gum - stuck in hair/clothes/furniture... it would totally derail what I imagine needed to be a very tightly controlled schedule with that many young kids. It wasn't the gum per se, but really ANYTHING that was perceived as a threat to the routine. What she needed was another highly organized and disciplined person in the house, but she has easy-going, clueless Jon. She should have used that TLC money to bring in a full-time nanny/housekeeper to help, but that wouldn't have made for very good television.

It wasn't a random babysitter, it was her sister-in-law. Kate later cut Aunt Jodi and Uncle Kevin (her brother) out of their lives. And then there was her good friend Beth Carson who also helped out and helped Kate write her first book (Multiple Blessings) and then was cut out of their lives. Seems to be a pattern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. This is interesting to me, to see many responses on the spooning? I don’t think I could name one friend or relative who was not spanked or had a parent use something like a sandal or spoon. We even had other people’s grandparents disciplining us as kids.

How old are you? My oldest is in his 40s and none of the other parents I knew were spanking their kids at that time. And using an object to hit your kids with was definitely thought of as outrageous.

(DP). Im 44. I was spanked, my brothers got the belt when they were really bad.

I don’t spank my kids but I know two other moms who used a wooden spoon / spatula on their kids, 5-10 years ago. They freely talked about it, the one mom who used the spatula called it a “spatchie pop” lol. This was in the country, I think it’s still prevalent in rural areas.

Kate’s behavior didn’t seem that bad to me. I was raised by less than stellar parents though…

Another DP, 43 - our mom hit us with a wooden spoon (which is actually to this day a running joke because it never hurt) and our dad beat the crap out of us with belts, sometimes the buckle end. I knew when it was happening that our belt "spankings" were more abusive than what happened to other kids but there was plenty of cover for them because spankings were incredibly mainstream in general - if we said we got a whooping the reaction was "yeah because your parents care about you" not "OMG as a mandatory reporter I am outraged!"

My oldest is a couple of years younger than you, so I was a parent to young children at the same time your parents were. Spanking was not considered mainstream during that time. I’m sorry you experienced what you did- that was not at all the norm at that time. I never spanked my children and none of the parents I knew did either. Yes, some may have given a quick swat on a diapered bottom every so often, but they felt really, really bad about that swat and talked about how guilty they felt about it with their mom friends.

Your parents sound like a throwback to the time when I was I child in the 60s and spanking was definitely more mainstream. By the 80s, it was looked down on by the general public.

I'm here to tell you that we told people when we got whoopings (understood in the parlance to be "worse than a spanking" but not necessarily abusive) and the reaction ranged from "good for your parents" (from adults at school/church) to "I bet I get it worse/ did you have to pick your own switch?" from kids. It was very much considered normal although there were likely some families that did not use any physical punishment. I remember when they took corporal punishment out of schools and it was controversial. A signficant contingent of parents were very much against it - when I was in elementary school you could still sign a paper saying you gave the principal permission to spank your kid. This was in a wealthy suburb in Texas in the late 80s/early 90s, not a holler in Appalachia in the 60s.

Enough said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking back as a responsible non-twenty something adult - and considering the dynamics of a marriage and that many children, I ask myself was Kate really the problem?


I don’t think I stand firmly in the camp of Kate was an awful in person. She was stressed, life was happening real time, and her personality isn’t the sweetest Michelle Duggar type flow and vibe but she was take charge. She kept sh$@ under control.

Ummm yes. What would make you think otherwise. Are you like her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. This is interesting to me, to see many responses on the spooning? I don’t think I could name one friend or relative who was not spanked or had a parent use something like a sandal or spoon. We even had other people’s grandparents disciplining us as kids.

How old are you? My oldest is in his 40s and none of the other parents I knew were spanking their kids at that time. And using an object to hit your kids with was definitely thought of as outrageous.

(DP). Im 44. I was spanked, my brothers got the belt when they were really bad.

I don’t spank my kids but I know two other moms who used a wooden spoon / spatula on their kids, 5-10 years ago. They freely talked about it, the one mom who used the spatula called it a “spatchie pop” lol. This was in the country, I think it’s still prevalent in rural areas.

Kate’s behavior didn’t seem that bad to me. I was raised by less than stellar parents though…

Another DP, 43 - our mom hit us with a wooden spoon (which is actually to this day a running joke because it never hurt) and our dad beat the crap out of us with belts, sometimes the buckle end. I knew when it was happening that our belt "spankings" were more abusive than what happened to other kids but there was plenty of cover for them because spankings were incredibly mainstream in general - if we said we got a whooping the reaction was "yeah because your parents care about you" not "OMG as a mandatory reporter I am outraged!"

My oldest is a couple of years younger than you, so I was a parent to young children at the same time your parents were. Spanking was not considered mainstream during that time. I’m sorry you experienced what you did- that was not at all the norm at that time. I never spanked my children and none of the parents I knew did either. Yes, some may have given a quick swat on a diapered bottom every so often, but they felt really, really bad about that swat and talked about how guilty they felt about it with their mom friends.

Your parents sound like a throwback to the time when I was I child in the 60s and spanking was definitely more mainstream. By the 80s, it was looked down on by the general public.

I'm here to tell you that we told people when we got whoopings (understood in the parlance to be "worse than a spanking" but not necessarily abusive) and the reaction ranged from "good for your parents" (from adults at school/church) to "I bet I get it worse/ did you have to pick your own switch?" from kids. It was very much considered normal although there were likely some families that did not use any physical punishment. I remember when they took corporal punishment out of schools and it was controversial. A signficant contingent of parents were very much against it - when I was in elementary school you could still sign a paper saying you gave the principal permission to spank your kid. This was in a wealthy suburb in Texas in the late 80s/early 90s, not a holler in Appalachia in the 60s.

Enough said.

My husband is from Maryland and got spanked, same time frame. It was so normal that he expected we would spank our kids (under 10 now), and was surprised by my refusal. It's not the case that spanking were verboten in the 80s, although it's great that you didn't spank your kids.

[Anonymous]

It's funny to hear that spanking wasn't a thing in the 80s because as far as I can remember, spanking and *maybe* coaching Little League was the only parenting expected of men in the 80s. "Wait until your father gets home" was the generational scare tactic.

[Anonymous]

Can't recall her parenting style other than she came across as tough, had a middle front tooth and a severe haircut.

[Anonymous]

My parents spanked me but didn’t beat me/use weapons (spatula/belt) when I was a kid. It didn’t happen frequently.

My dad was actually the staff member who had to administer corporal punishment in the schools he worked at the time.

They sent the permission slips home every year and my parents always said no to punishment in school. FWIW, the administrators all knew my dad and and knew the threat of calling him always kept me from misbehaving. And it wasn’t fear of him hurting me in any way - I was a kid who didn’t like to disappoint my parents. Honestly, my dad is like a big teddy bear and one of the kindest people you will ever meet.

For reference, This was in MD in late 80s (not dc burbs)