Does "no gifts, please" actually mean no gifts?

[Anonymous]

I agree - if it's no gifts, it's no gifts - which means no request for a donation or a college education boost. It's not a wedding registry where you are asking for specific gifts. (Can you imagine the extremes? "Please no Elmo or Dora gifts. We already have enough. But anything with the ABC's or science- related would be great. Check out www.mysmartkidorsomethingstupidlikethat.com for gift ideas.)
Anyway...
My qualm I haven't seen brought up in this discussion - although I think the listserve covered it recently more eloquently than i can - is the value in kids learning about how nice it is to be a gift giver. To put themselves behind the camera, so to speak and think about what their friend would like to have for their birthday. Then your child gains a sense of pride in giving the gift and in the good deed of making someone else happy. I've seen that go very well and hope that my children will learn how to do that. Probably too much to ask as toddlers, but certainly by elementary school. I know I get a high out of picking just the right gift for a special friend - I must have learned that at some point in my life because I can't be all that special.
Just my 2cents on a sensitive subject, clearly!

[Anonymous]

I want to throw in a perspective that I haven't seen yet in this thread. Although I do believe that when a host says No gifts, they mean that, but when that same host has generously given my child gifts on their birthday, I don't feel comfortable at all not giving their child a gift on their birthday. I admit it becomes a vicous cycle, but that's just they type of situation that I have found myself in.