Does "no gifts, please" actually mean no gifts?

[Anonymous]

New to DC; went to an adult's birthday party with an invitation reading "no gifts, please" and found many partygoers brought them anyway. This time the occasion is a toddler's birthday party. We don't know the family well. The invitation requests no gifts. Is there a code I don't know in this area, or will I be okay bringing a card only? Please help me in my social cluelessness. . . .

[Anonymous]

We requested "no gifts" at our son's birthday party! I knew some people just had to bring something , I also said a "simple book or a donation to our favorite 501C3" would be appreciated. Both my husband and I believe our son has everything he needs, and more, we would much rather someone give to a 501C3 in his honor, or buy nothing at all. As a child, I was taught to give back-give some of my birthday presents to a child that didn't have anything-I think it's important that children understand that "presents" (things) doesn't = happiness.

[Anonymous]

I always give a charitable donation when I get a no gifts invitation.

[Anonymous]

PP here-one more thing-If you feel uncomfortable in not bringing a gift, give the child a book or make a donation to a 501C3 in honor of the child. Our son received some books, and our favorite 501C3 made out very well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always give a charitable donation when I get a no gifts invitation.

I'm glad to hear that other people have requested "no gifts" for a birthday celebration. I was flamed by my co-workers-I was depriving my son of his birthday happiness. My feelings are-materialism is a learned behavior. He's not being deprived, we're doing him a favor.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Problem is, I don't know the family well and don't know what non-profit they might support. So I was thinking a book. Don't want to commit a faux pas!

[Anonymous]

We meant no gifts when we said no gifts on our invites!!

But a charitable donation is a great idea!

[Anonymous]

We also meant no gifts. My toddler did enjoy getting a helium balloon, a hand-picked bouquet, a hand-drawn card... We didn't want any more clutter and toys.

[Anonymous]

We also meant "no gifts" when we had a 1st birthday party for DS. We just didn't want people to feel obligated to have to go and pick out something AND our DS already has so much already. One friend brought a gift that we were happy to receive (though we were worried that it would make others feel awkward that they hadn't brought anything--I hope it didn't). If you really feel uncomfortable not bringing anything, at the very least you can go with PP's suggestion to bring a balloon or a book. Otherwise, I wouldn't bring anything. I also wouldn't do the contribution, since you don't know them very well, it could just be considered a little weird.

[Anonymous]

How about just a card? Or if your children are similar ages have your child draw the birthday kid a picture or something.
If it says no gifts, I wouldn't feel bad at all about not bringing one.

[Anonymous]

It really means no gifts, in my experience. A card would be very nice. I don't think you should feel obligated to contribute to their favorite charity, either.

[Anonymous]

Why would "no" mean anything other than "no"? No gift, no charity. No.

[Anonymous]

I felt for the one guest who came without a present, per our invitation which stated, "No gifts, please. Let your presence be your present!" Everyone else still brought "something little" which added up fast. I know that one guest felt bad.

[Anonymous]

OP here. 15:11, I have no idea why "no" might not mean "no." Having had the experience 15:58 mentioned, I thought it might be a DC thing that I was unaware of, to bring a gift despite instructions to the contrary. We felt pretty awkward showing up with only a card in that case. Thanks to those who responded. I like the idea of a card and a drawing from our child.

[Anonymous]

I showed up at a 1-year-old's birthday party without a gift -- the invitation specifically said "no gifts" and yet, I should have brought one. Everyone did and I felt bad.