Assumed we’d host again…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Why would this be awkward, OP? It was a reasonable assumption on their part, and it's also perfectly fine to say you want to go back to rotating the hosting.

Please don't manufacture drama out of thin air. There's already way too much of it in the world.

Because they put op on the spot in front of everybody and said (not asked) op is hosting. Extremely rude!

PP you replied to. No. This is family that is close enough to vacation and spend holidays together, not some random acquaintance. I would expect that sort of direct talk, and not think it rude at all. If one of my BILs spoke to me like that in front of everyone, I would just say, "That was because there were health and house reno stuff going on, we didn't mean for it to become a regular thing. I'm done hosting for now". And I would not be disturbed in the least. My BILs wouldn't be either. We have that sort of relationship.

Ummm…no. We don’t care about YOUR relationship with whatever family YOU have. You don’t know how close OP family is. Obviously if op was annoyed by the assumption that they would host then it was out of line for in-laws to say (not ask) if they are hosting.

We could also conclude that OP is hyper sensitive. It sounds like that's the case. She needs to relax around her in-laws and deal with them frankly, like they do with her. Nothing in what she described was rude. She felt put-upon, but it was not warranted.

[Anonymous]

Just tell them that you would like to go back to rotating houses for these events. Then come up with a good rotation for the different holidays and end it there.

[Anonymous]

DH needs to send a follow-up text to his parents and brother: "Hey, it was great to see everyone at the beach! Let's make a plan for Thanksgiving - Liz and I aren't up for hosting but we'd be happy to meet up at a restaurant or bring a dish to share if one of you'd like to host."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH needs to send a follow-up text to his parents and brother: "Hey, it was great to see everyone at the beach! Let's make a plan for Thanksgiving - Liz and I aren't up for hosting but we'd be happy to meet up at a restaurant or bring a dish to share if one of you'd like to host."

Perfect!

[Anonymous]

OP, dont make a big deal of this. They may assume that since you have kids, you prefer to host so that you don't have to travel with kids.

My sister insisted on hosting for years because she was the only one with kids. It was annoying, but my parents gave in to her so we all trekked to her place.

Just have your DH send a group text saying you'd love to meet at a restaurant or at someone else's house this year, and that you can host in 2026 or 2027 or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like they all had a wonderful time at your home. I would take it as a compliment. Can you see if there’s a way to be hosting less of a heavy left? It’s almost like you’re looking for a reason to be offended/upset?

NP. Are you kidding me? One family should always be the one to buy hundreds of dollars of groceries, cook and bake (often for at least 2-3 days), clean their entire house (or pay to have it cleaned), deal with dishes, clean up after guests leave, move furniture around, etc., etc.? When other people are completely able-bodied and capable, and have space? And don’t have kids?

Yes, I like to host. But I don’t want to host every family gathering every year. Especially when the excuse has been “our house isn’t ready,” well, now it is.

OP, quickly decide what you and DH will do re: hosting then have DH follow up with HIS family to explain or clarify arrangements.

It’s ok to change things- You might want to just have a quiet Thanksgiving at home, just your immediate family. Or maybe you want to travel as a family and enjoy Thanksgiving someplace new.

So many options.

DH & I have always lived about 30 minutes equidistant to our respective parents and honestly, for far too long, from newlyweds to new parents, we’re always *expected* to have 2 Thanksgivings and would spend an exhausting day driving back and forth. I so wish I’d have stood my ground and just decided to do our own thing with our own little family.

My parents are gone now, our DC are young adults and now we celebrate a day or two early with my ILs at their house, then travel to join up in another state with my sibling and family.

It sounds like OP and DH already did this. Twice.