Assumed we’d host again…

[Anonymous]

It sounds like they all had a wonderful time at your home. I would take it as a compliment. Can you see if there’s a way to be hosting less of a heavy left? It’s almost like you’re looking for a reason to be offended/upset?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they press: “No, we’re all hosted out. But we’d be happy to come visit, or let us know if someone knows of a good restaurant.”

I can tell from this thread who the perpetual guests are. The health fluctuations of the in-laws are one thing, but BIL and his wife have no more excuses to expect yet more hospitality. You have your new home now, either invite people or at the very least don’t expect to be hosted again, some more.

Some of us enjoy hosting. Every year there are threads from people trying to wrest hosting duties away from their parents or in-laws. Op seems oddly hostile about a pretty normal statement that could be resolved with a simple conversation.

+1. Also, if you’re the only one with kids it’s nice they were coming to you. Lots of people struggle traveling with kids. But a simple conversation will clear this up. Drop the hostility

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make it clear you're not hosting and also open up the possibility of not getting together if no one volunteers. Call their bluff. And OP, why do ALL holidays revolve around your husband's family? What about yours?

+1
Summer then Thanksgiving then Christmas? I don't care the hosting/rotation, I'm not dedicating that much of my life there. I would have some nuclear family traditions too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like they all had a wonderful time at your home. I would take it as a compliment. Can you see if there’s a way to be hosting less of a heavy left? It’s almost like you’re looking for a reason to be offended/upset?

Who cares if they had a wonderful time? Op does not want the “tradition” of hosting every year. They are not stepping up because they know hosting is a lot of work and a pain in the a$$ even if you are “good” at it.🙄 OP do not give in and do your own thing. Their free loading expectations need to be reset.

[Anonymous]

You spoke your mind. Now you hold your ground. Since they are his family, your DH is the one to also send out a simple, a couple sentences, email. Soon, as a reminder. No fluff. No drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You just spent a beach vacation with them. I say you're good until next year. Go travel on the holidays or something.

This is what I was thinking. One visit is enough. Sounds like the expectation is to get together for every holiday. I would not let other adults try to dictate my plans and time. Yuck!

[Anonymous]

Why would this be awkward, OP? It was a reasonable assumption on their part, and it's also perfectly fine to say you want to go back to rotating the hosting.

Please don't manufacture drama out of thin air. There's already way too much of it in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Why would this be awkward, OP? It was a reasonable assumption on their part, and it's also perfectly fine to say you want to go back to rotating the hosting.

Please don't manufacture drama out of thin air. There's already way too much of it in the world.

Because they put op on the spot in front of everybody and said (not asked) op is hosting. Extremely rude!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Why would this be awkward, OP? It was a reasonable assumption on their part, and it's also perfectly fine to say you want to go back to rotating the hosting.

Please don't manufacture drama out of thin air. There's already way too much of it in the world.

Because they put op on the spot in front of everybody and said (not asked) op is hosting. Extremely rude!

PP you replied to. No. This is family that is close enough to vacation and spend holidays together, not some random acquaintance. I would expect that sort of direct talk, and not think it rude at all. If one of my BILs spoke to me like that in front of everyone, I would just say, "That was because there were health and house reno stuff going on, we didn't mean for it to become a regular thing. I'm done hosting for now". And I would not be disturbed in the least. My BILs wouldn't be either. We have that sort of relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like they all had a wonderful time at your home. I would take it as a compliment. Can you see if there’s a way to be hosting less of a heavy left? It’s almost like you’re looking for a reason to be offended/upset?

NP. Are you kidding me? One family should always be the one to buy hundreds of dollars of groceries, cook and bake (often for at least 2-3 days), clean their entire house (or pay to have it cleaned), deal with dishes, clean up after guests leave, move furniture around, etc., etc.? When other people are completely able-bodied and capable, and have space? And don’t have kids?

Yes, I like to host. But I don’t want to host every family gathering every year. Especially when the excuse has been “our house isn’t ready,” well, now it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Why would this be awkward, OP? It was a reasonable assumption on their part, and it's also perfectly fine to say you want to go back to rotating the hosting.

Please don't manufacture drama out of thin air. There's already way too much of it in the world.

Because they put op on the spot in front of everybody and said (not asked) op is hosting. Extremely rude!

PP you replied to. No. This is family that is close enough to vacation and spend holidays together, not some random acquaintance. I would expect that sort of direct talk, and not think it rude at all. If one of my BILs spoke to me like that in front of everyone, I would just say, "That was because there were health and house reno stuff going on, we didn't mean for it to become a regular thing. I'm done hosting for now". And I would not be disturbed in the least. My BILs wouldn't be either. We have that sort of relationship.

Ummm…no. We don’t care about YOUR relationship with whatever family YOU have. You don’t know how close OP family is. Obviously if op was annoyed by the assumption that they would host then it was out of line for in-laws to say (not ask) if they are hosting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like they all had a wonderful time at your home. I would take it as a compliment. Can you see if there’s a way to be hosting less of a heavy left? It’s almost like you’re looking for a reason to be offended/upset?

NP. Are you kidding me? One family should always be the one to buy hundreds of dollars of groceries, cook and bake (often for at least 2-3 days), clean their entire house (or pay to have it cleaned), deal with dishes, clean up after guests leave, move furniture around, etc., etc.? When other people are completely able-bodied and capable, and have space? And don’t have kids?

Yes, I like to host. But I don’t want to host every family gathering every year. Especially when the excuse has been “our house isn’t ready,” well, now it is.

When anyone in our family hosts, we all bring food, drinks, help clean, etc. Sounds like your family doesnt and that's rude. A host is not a maid/servant!

[Anonymous]

OP- this only has to be awkward if you want it to be. Have a conversation, or DH can have a conversation with the relatives about this year, then move on.
Re: BIL’s comment, my advice: only be offended if you think he meant to offend you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like they all had a wonderful time at your home. I would take it as a compliment. Can you see if there’s a way to be hosting less of a heavy left? It’s almost like you’re looking for a reason to be offended/upset?

NP. Are you kidding me? One family should always be the one to buy hundreds of dollars of groceries, cook and bake (often for at least 2-3 days), clean their entire house (or pay to have it cleaned), deal with dishes, clean up after guests leave, move furniture around, etc., etc.? When other people are completely able-bodied and capable, and have space? And don’t have kids?

Yes, I like to host. But I don’t want to host every family gathering every year. Especially when the excuse has been “our house isn’t ready,” well, now it is.

OP, quickly decide what you and DH will do re: hosting then have DH follow up with HIS family to explain or clarify arrangements.

It’s ok to change things- You might want to just have a quiet Thanksgiving at home, just your immediate family. Or maybe you want to travel as a family and enjoy Thanksgiving someplace new.

So many options.

DH & I have always lived about 30 minutes equidistant to our respective parents and honestly, for far too long, from newlyweds to new parents, we’re always *expected* to have 2 Thanksgivings and would spend an exhausting day driving back and forth. I so wish I’d have stood my ground and just decided to do our own thing with our own little family.

My parents are gone now, our DC are young adults and now we celebrate a day or two early with my ILs at their house, then travel to join up in another state with my sibling and family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just be cool and don't make a huge deal. Have DH text that BIL brought up a good point, it's time to set the rotation for this year, you were actually hoping to do Christmas instead, but you can do Thanksgiving if no one else wants that one, and then in 2026, you'll take Easter, or whatever.

This.