Assumed we’d host again…

[Anonymous]

Just have DH send out a text saying something like "So good to see you all at the beach! Would love to see you all for Thanksgiving. Monica and I aren't going to host it this year but would be happy to bring that pumpkin pie we made last year that everyone loved. Or, we're happy to meet you all at a nice restaurant too."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t the hill to die on, host this year and tell them someone else can do it next year.

OP here. We are not hosting this year. If someone wants to host or suggest that we meet up at a restaurant or something, great. We are the only adults in the equation who have kids, so we’re not doing yet another heavy lift.

Good for you op. Just because you do something once does not make it tradition. Can’t stand freeloaders like this. Enjoy your thanksgiving this year!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just have DH send out a text saying something like "So good to see you all at the beach! Would love to see you all for Thanksgiving. Monica and I aren't going to host it this year but would be happy to bring that pumpkin pie we made last year that everyone loved. Or, we're happy to meet you all at a nice restaurant too."

This. If they push back, I might throw in a reminder that we started hosting because of circumstances, not because we wanted to be the only hosts in perpetuity but it was never meant to become a permanent thing. We’d love to let someone else take a turn with hosting or else go out to dinner.

Keep it light but firm. If they push back again, then say that hosting is fun but it’s a ton of work, and we’re looking forward to a break and a more relaxing holiday.

Sometimes people without kids think that people with kids are the more natural hosts, for whatever reason. Maybe because it’s easier to have kids at home, depending on their ages, or maybe it’s because it’s the biggest number of people in one household, so that seems like a base. There is no reason for you guys to keep posting if you have born in the brunt of that work for the past few years.

Report back on how it all goes!

[Anonymous]

If they press: “No, we’re all hosted out. But we’d be happy to come visit, or let us know if someone knows of a good restaurant.”

I can tell from this thread who the perpetual guests are. The health fluctuations of the in-laws are one thing, but BIL and his wife have no more excuses to expect yet more hospitality. You have your new home now, either invite people or at the very least don’t expect to be hosted again, some more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they press: “No, we’re all hosted out. But we’d be happy to come visit, or let us know if someone knows of a good restaurant.”

I can tell from this thread who the perpetual guests are. The health fluctuations of the in-laws are one thing, but BIL and his wife have no more excuses to expect yet more hospitality. You have your new home now, either invite people or at the very least don’t expect to be hosted again, some more.

Some of us enjoy hosting. Every year there are threads from people trying to wrest hosting duties away from their parents or in-laws. Op seems oddly hostile about a pretty normal statement that could be resolved with a simple conversation.

[Anonymous]

Host this year but just get a few buckets of KFC and some sides for the family.

[Anonymous]

Host this year but just get a few buckets of KFC and some sides for the family.

[Anonymous]

You just spent a beach vacation with them. I say you're good until next year. Go travel on the holidays or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they press: “No, we’re all hosted out. But we’d be happy to come visit, or let us know if someone knows of a good restaurant.”

I can tell from this thread who the perpetual guests are. The health fluctuations of the in-laws are one thing, but BIL and his wife have no more excuses to expect yet more hospitality. You have your new home now, either invite people or at the very least don’t expect to be hosted again, some more.

Some of us enjoy hosting. Every year there are threads from people trying to wrest hosting duties away from their parents or in-laws. Op seems oddly hostile about a pretty normal statement that could be resolved with a simple conversation.

OK? Some people enjoy hosting in a rotation so people don’t get burned out.

[Anonymous]

Good for you OP! Just have a back up plan where you can enjoy your nuclear family. My parents found out quickly that no one is willing to host, after they hosted for years and years.

Now we travel together (parents, sister, etc) and lock in the location in January. Always something tropical!

The aunts and uncles seemingly stay home and do their own thing. Which okay too, just don’t be shocked when no one steps up.

[Anonymous]

This seems like NBD, honestly. They made a reasonable assumption. You have been thinking of the repeated hosting as a temporary thing. They didn't realize that. Don't host. But don't be mad about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You tell them you’re not hosting.

+200
The end.

[Anonymous]

Make it clear you're not hosting and also open up the possibility of not getting together if no one volunteers. Call their bluff. And OP, why do ALL holidays revolve around your husband's family? What about yours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make it clear you're not hosting and also open up the possibility of not getting together if no one volunteers. Call their bluff. And OP, why do ALL holidays revolve around your husband's family? What about yours?

OP here. We do holidays with my family in a “this year Christmas, that year Thanksgiving” rotation.

[Anonymous]

This is a non-issue.

You have hosted for several years so they mistakenly thought you would again. You simply tell them it is time for a rotation.

From you OP it didn't even sound like they were pushy. Just mistaken.

You ask how to "move past" it. The answer is just tell them you don't want to host.

This is not hard.