Parent expecting me to pay back parent plus loan

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your mom will inevitably declare bankruptcy. Don't pay this debt if it's not in your name. How much is remaining?

She says 19k. Still waiting for the appropriate log in to figure out the terms and if the years she didn’t pay it have added any interest. I will repay it- hoping for a slower timeline and lower monthly payment until daycare costs are lower. Just upset at the abruptness of it all - would have appreciated a sit down conversation - logging in together and coming up with a plan. But sounds like the consensus is im in the wrong here to be upset.

Thank goodness it's not a huge amount, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your mom will inevitably declare bankruptcy. Don't pay this debt if it's not in your name. How much is remaining?

She says 19k. Still waiting for the appropriate log in to figure out the terms and if the years she didn’t pay it have added any interest. I will repay it- hoping for a slower timeline and lower monthly payment until daycare costs are lower. Just upset at the abruptness of it all - would have appreciated a sit down conversation - logging in together and coming up with a plan. But sounds like the consensus is im in the wrong here to be upset.

You can be upset but it solves nothing. This is your life now. Sounds like your whole family is a financial mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got a text from my mom out of the blue with the information to pay the remaining balance off of a loan she took out for my undergraduate education. Due to a divorce and bad financial decisions, she says that she can no longer pay it and now expects me to pay it since I’m starting a new job. I’m happy to help contribute but she expects me to pay starting next month and since she hasn’t made payments in a year - she’s not sure the full balance and says vaguely that she paid 1000k monthly at one point. I’m super upset that she sprung this up on me and she claims it’s always been the plan. Does anyone else think this is unreasonable? We have a decent HHI but two kids in daycare and my husband’s student loans.

That's your loan. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is it ok to pay your husband’s student loans but not your own? Just bc your mom floated it for you all those years?

This^.

[Anonymous]

I’d be upset too OP and $1k a month would be a huge amount for us too. The person who said you have a spending problem has no idea what it’s like to have a tight budget. And a text is a weird way to go about it, no question. I’d still suck it up and pay it but try to get a better payment plan. Sorry you’re going through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a loan under her name. Paying 1000k monthly while I have other student loans plus my husbands loans + daycare is a lot. I’m mad because of the way she handled it. She could have sit down with us and explained the situation- instead I get a random text with the log in for the loan telling me to pay next month.

May be she was hoping that you would offer to take over your loans yourself since you knew she was going through financial difficulties but you didn't.

Anyways, it sucks and I feel for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMFG yes you pay for that.

It’s a parent loan? So I’m not sure it’s so cut and dried.
Is your name on it, OP?
I think the right thing to do is to help your mom pay it, but if you can’t and your name isn’t on it then you aren’t technically obligated.

Pp, you are so wrong. Yes op pays. I cannot believe she hasn’t been all along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will help pay but I do find it interesting that everyone feels like loans they take when their kids are 18 are ultimately their kid’s loans. I guess for me I’d never take on loans for my kids and expect them to pay them back. I wasn’t told when I was 18 that this would be the deal. I agree if that I knew this from the start but it feels a bit unfair to just expect this out of the blue.

Yes but many kids don't want to go to community college or receive free rides to colleges they want to attend so they pressurize ther parents. Obviously parents should say no. Even if OP's mom pays it all, it means she isn't saving for her retirement. If that happens OP wouldn't be able to help her.

[Anonymous]

Op, I wouldn’t pay. She shouldn’t have taken the loan. Yes things change, but it’s her debt to carry. Really surprised that people would saddle their kids with debt that doesn’t have their name on it (Parent Plus).

There are other options including drastic ones like taking a semester off etc. but changing the term/name of the loan post college is not one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will help pay but I do find it interesting that everyone feels like loans they take when their kids are 18 are ultimately their kid’s loans. I guess for me I’d never take on loans for my kids and expect them to pay them back. I wasn’t told when I was 18 that this would be the deal. I agree if that I knew this from the start but it feels a bit unfair to just expect this out of the blue.

In this case, we can understand. Its not your loan but its not her loan either. Divorce ruins families. If she doesn't have assets, she can file bankruptcy or get debt refinanced with smaller monthy payments. You need to get a higher paying job to help her pay it as this money benefited you. Handle it with care or you too would be divorced due to financial stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got a text from my mom out of the blue with the information to pay the remaining balance off of a loan she took out for my undergraduate education. Due to a divorce and bad financial decisions, she says that she can no longer pay it and now expects me to pay it since I’m starting a new job. I’m happy to help contribute but she expects me to pay starting next month and since she hasn’t made payments in a year - she’s not sure the full balance and says vaguely that she paid 1000k monthly at one point. I’m super upset that she sprung this up on me and she claims it’s always been the plan. Does anyone else think this is unreasonable? We have a decent HHI but two kids in daycare and my husband’s student loans.

That's your loan. Period.

Wrong. If op didn’t sign for it, it’s not their loan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I took a parent plus loan out for my son and I told him at that time it was his loan to pay back. But wow, your loan mus be huge. My son's minimum payment is $99/month. He's paying way more than that monthly, but if he's in a bind ever he can go as low as $99/mo.

There’s no way mom has been paying 1000 per month on this for all this time. This person is supposedly already married with children/daycare. Also, why didn’t the father assume any responsibility of this loan during the divorce? It a marital debt. The whole thing is bizarre.

Op here. Im also curious about the martial debt aspect. My mom hasn’t been straight forward about the divorce. She also brought out my dad for their excessive house, which she can’t afford and took on another 30 year mortgage. So it’s a financial mess. She works thank God.

In that case, she needs to sell that house and student loan should be divided three ways, between you, your mom and your dad.

[Anonymous]

Yes, your mother should have handled this differently. Yes, it sucks to have to pay for your college degree yourself. Totally agree with you.

Now, back to reality. How much do you owe? Can you restructure the terms? Why was she paying $1k/month? Can you restructure your DH’s loans?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. I agree with you, OP. The way your mom handled this is bad and sounds like your parents have always been terrible with money. I will never do something like this to my grown children. While others don't agree, my perspective is that it is my responsibility to get my kids through college. All that said, $19k is doable. But you need details. If your name is not on the loan and your mom hasn't paid for a year, it might not be smart for you to assume it. If the loan was taken out in both parents' names make your father aware because it is his responsibility too. And the fact that your mom did all this in a text is all I need to know about her.

+1 and I’m sorry your parents are so useless, OP.

[Anonymous]

We paid for our children's expensive college and grad schools from our savings, 401k and bonuses. If we are in financial trouble, its going to be our own. I doubt they'll have means to help with young families. Be smart and don't send kids to expensive schools unless they get full aid or full merit.